The schedule stops for no one...

[peggyfromwastate]

I am taking dd18 on a college trip this weekend. We leave Thursday, and come home late Sunday. Dh gets to...

Get everyone to school and home from school on Thursday, and take the older 2 to swim and taekwondo.

Pack lunches for the two elem kids on Friday, and get everyone to school and home, and to swim and home, and to taekwondo and home.

Take ds12 to early morning swim on Saturday, followed by dd12 to her swim meet on Sat morning, and then pick up ds12 from swim and take him to his baseball game, and take care if ds9 plus dd5 along the way. Oh, and help ds9 finish up his science fair project.

Sunday is a repeat of Saturday, minus the ds12 swim practice and he has baseball practice vs a game. Oh, and dh has to pick us up from the airport.

Anyway...

I couldn't really pare down the schedule, and I've done this gig so long solo that it didn't initially occur to me that it's asking a lot. Now we are definitely committed to these activities. I mentioned it to him (all the double bookings) and he said, "I'll have Kate babysit" but Kate is going to be with me!!!

But he'll do fine... They might eat cereal for every meal, but that's ok.

[Meenah]

Cereal is fine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ladymoreta]

Good luck, Dr. Peggy!!

[Mrs. MD, Esq.]

I love cereal for dinner!

[PrincessFiona]

Have fun with Kate!

Kris

[peggyfromwastate]

The schedule stops for no one...

Well...

The trip was super stressful. Kate was so negative-- extremely negative. When she acted happy (to try to be a little polite to strangers I guess) I thought-- finally! She's snapping out of it--- but then she would turn to me with this vitriolic expression. Like I FORCED her to go to this college tour. Smack. She applied to this place on her own completely. It was, 8 months ago, the ONLY school for her.

So there was conflict the whole time with her. And everyone tried to talk about college with her as adults... But it just wasn't happening.

I was so glad to come home.

I think Kate and I need to meet with a counselor to hash through this. I'm bewildered. I dont know if I can get her to come with me. We are barely speaking at present. :I

And dh apparently took the long weekend as an opportunity to do a lot of his own work. He set the kids in front of their electronics and he sat in front of his laptop. The dogs stayed outside, ignored. It wasn't probably that bad-- that's what the kids tell me lol. They are tattling.

He did take ds12 to his baseball game, after arriving late to dd12s swim meet so she missed her last chance at the 100 free in this age group... So bummer. That's her second best event. And he fed them mcdonalds and pizza and ds12 got very backed up so on Sunday dh freaked out and wanted to take him to the ER. Sigh. He was taking call too. He did get dd12 to her meet that day, but he didn't get dd5 to the birthday party, and ds9 didn't work on his science project...

Dh called me about ds12 telling me he had a blockage and needed to go to the ER (no doubt straight to the OR). Sigh. I told him to give ds some raisins, and stop feeding them crap to eat. Ds12 can't metabolize all that fat unless he gets lots of fiber.

Anyhooo... All is right with the world I guess.

2/5 of the kids (dd18 and dd12) are grounded now, but that's not completely unusual.

I sure wish my weekend away was relaxing or fun-- like going to the conference was -- but everything (and everyone) is just so tightly wound right now.

I do have to say that I was really shocked and alarmed at how quickly dd18 turned her dissatisfaction with the world on me--- and then to other people would appear sweet and thoughtful. It was very Dr Jekyll and mr Hyde. I didn't accept that abuse with grace... I told her to knock that off or she'd be welcome to experience adulthood and the pleasure of paying her own way in every single way. Entitled brat---- that's who I was spending my time with.

I did have a fun movie night out with 2 of my siblings. My brother ditched us, as usual, to call his wife. Lame. Dd18 said, "I can't believe you are going out without me!" Whine... We went to a 21-over movie theater/bar combo. I was like, "damn straight I'm going out without you. Go hang out with your great grandmother." Which she did...

[ladymoreta]

I'm so sorry it wasn't a successful trip. I was really hoping your DH would step up and impress you, rather than muddle through and barely make a few things. It sounds like you handled yourself with as much grace as your DD would allow, and I hope she snaps out of it soon. She will come around eventually, but I hope it's sooner rather than later. I'm glad you had a fun grown-up night out, though!

[peggyfromwastate]

It was fun. I enjoyed hanging out with my adult siblings. I was bummed my little bro didn't want to go--- because it's very rare that we are all together and kids and spouses are otherwise occupied. I felt like I was living a scene from "parenthood".

[peggyfromwastate]

And to be clear--- I don't really expect dh to do all I do. I've had years of practice. It just makes me a little sad that he doesn't see the potential to make these days with the kids special vs just shutting himself up with his laptop.

[diggitydot]

Oh, hon -- I can't even BEGIN to tell you how similar our shitfests are at the moment. I've got nothing but

[spotty_dog]

Every time you talk about your DD and all of this I am reminded (PTSD style!) of my college trip. I applied to 5 liberal arts colleges in the northwest, plus a couple of random schools. My parents arranged a huge trip (I think they got someone to watch my brother even?) for the Oregon/Washington options and I was such a brat. I think I still have the journal entry somewhere that details how I am so angry at my mom for arranging an overnight at my #1 school that I want to take a bunch of Tylenol and end it. (!?!) The horror of having to carry a SLEEPING bag! On a COLLEGE campus! Yeah. Teenager hormones meets the cusp of adulthood is a BITCH. I was horrible on that trip. I am so sorry, to you and to my own parents who had to go through it too! (FWIW, I decided to go to the #1 choice and met my husband there too. I think I even eventually grew up.)

Also FWIW I think in hindsight a lot of it was anxiety, I was so paralyzed by all the new experiences...I couldn't even bring myself to use the co-ed bathroom in the dorm where I stayed, I literally held my pee for over 12 hours rather than face that fear. Anyway yeah, maybe a third party, counselor or someone, to help hash some of this out wouldn't be a terrible idea?

[spaz]

I can sympathize. I've been on two college visits with my 17yo and he was spitting mad at both of them even though HE wanted to do them.. You know why??? He is scared to death? Will I like it? Can I really do this??? It is much easier to blame someone else and then you don't have to deal with your own fears... Now mine agreed he had a nice time AFTER it was over. But man, he turned into attack mode right before and during... I've learned that he lashes out when he is scared.

[WolfpackWife]

Every time you talk about your DD and all of this I am reminded (PTSD style!) of my college trip. I applied to 5 liberal arts colleges in the northwest, plus a couple of random schools. My parents arranged a huge trip (I think they got someone to watch my brother even?) for the Oregon/Washington options and I was such a brat. I think I still have the journal entry somewhere that details how I am so angry at my mom for arranging an overnight at my #1 school that I want to take a bunch of Tylenol and end it. (!?!) The horror of having to carry a SLEEPING bag! On a COLLEGE campus! Yeah. Teenager hormones meets the cusp of adulthood is a BITCH. I was horrible on that trip. I am so sorry, to you and to my own parents who had to go through it too! (FWIW, I decided to go to the #1 choice and met my husband there too. I think I even eventually grew up.)

Also FWIW I think in hindsight a lot of it was anxiety, I was so paralyzed by all the new experiences...I couldn't even bring myself to use the co-ed bathroom in the dorm where I stayed, I literally held my pee for over 12 hours rather than face that fear. Anyway yeah, maybe a third party, counselor or someone, to help hash some of this out wouldn't be a terrible idea?

I was just going to say something similar! Peggy - I'm so sorry your experience wasn't great. So much of your daughter's attitude reminds me of how I acted towards my parents as well. Not so much during tours, but after I'd been accepted and decided on which school to go to, there was an orientation weekend for parents/incoming freshman. My mom was right there - going to all her seminars, pointing me in the right direction, checking things off lists, and there I was, sneering at her, rolling my eyes, acting like she was a moron, and generally being disrespectful and snotty. I feel really shitty about it in hindsight, but dare I say it's sometimes pretty par for the course with a teenager who's about to leave home but hasn't quite yet grasped their independence? I don't know - now that I'm this far on the other side of it I feel so badly for how I treated my mom, and I cringe because I can't literally *feel* my irritation towards her that day, and how much I couldn't stand the fact that she was rattling off things I should do/needed to do during the orientation. But when others approached me, I was just as charming as can be!

[peggyfromwastate]

Thanks so much for that perspective you guys--- I have a very hard time imagining any of you as bratty!!!

We are working on it... I feel badly for her bc she's getting emails from ALL the relatives now. I have two uncles who are professors, one cousin who's a professor... Everyone has an opinion... She just wants this over!! Plus her classmates are all talking about how nervous they are to hear from the Ivy's and the Boston schools, etc. She feels like a slacker bc she didn't apply to anywhere really hard, and she didn't get in to her top choice...


Well, yeah... When you do not care at all about school and get terrible grades for half of the high school career, that can (and should) bite you in the rear... But I can't say that--- I just have to will myself to be supportive and tolerant right now.