Spoiled Rotten

[MrsK]

http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/20...spoiled-rotten

Interesting article from The New Yorker about American parenting vs. parenting in the Peruvian Amazon. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

I read it when it first came out. It's fascinating.

I think we can learn something (give children more responsibility, allow them to take more risks) from it but I also don't think it's fair to compare the two societies. Children raised in the Amazon encounter very different challenges from those in the US and it's not possible to compare them very much. Could my almost three year old heat food on a fire, maybe, does she need to do that? No. But she does know who to call for help and/or seek out help if she's lost and can't find me/our nanny...and that's a skill that a child in the Amazon doesn't need.

[SoonerTexan]

I don't know what to think. For the most part, I'm just going to do things my own way, which is similar to how I was raised. I'm happy enough with how I turned out.

Granted, I think I had a lot less than my children do now.

[MrsK]

Obviously, my kids don't need to know how to cut grass with a machete. But there is something to be said about setting the bar high and expecting them to rise to the occasion. I know that the majority of my day is centered around entertaining and caring for my children. Every parent I know complains about how parenting has consumed all of their time, money, sanity. My house is a maze of gates and safety locks intended to keep my children from making mischief and/or injuring themselves. I've wondered if that stunts them?

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Obviously, my kids don't need to know how to cut grass with a machete. But there is something to be said about setting the bar high and expecting them to rise to the occasion. I know that the majority of my day is centered around entertaining and caring for my children. Every parent I know complains about how parenting has consumed all of their time, money, sanity. My house is a maze of gates and safety locks intended to keep my children from making mischief and/or injuring themselves. I've wondered if that stunts them?

I do wonder that about locks/baby gates. On the one hand, you don't want them into unsafe things but on the other hand, I feel like by preventing minor booboos/injuries, I'm missing a critical learning opportunity to allow them to learn consequences.

[MrsK]

In my case, the minor boo boos I'm attempting to prevent are more like falling off the refrigerator or cutting fingers off with a chef's knife but I agree with what you are saying. I try to incorporate "safe" challenges. I'll let my boys go nuts on a playground and I won't freak out (though, in my experience, other parents and teachers freak out when my boys go nuts on the playground). I'm always struggling with the balance between teaching my kids and not allowing them to be a nuisance to others.

[Ladybug]

I fall into the "it's easier/quicker if Mommy does it herself" which is an result of living in a hectic culture. There's plenty (!) of times my kids have asked to help cook but I just want to get it done.

Interestingly, this weekend I had a blow up and made the older two girls help unpack boxes that were not specifically theirs. Much protesting ensued, but once they started the projects they enjoyed organizing a family space however they wanted. DD10 even said later, "Once I started it was a lot of fun because I got to see the library books that I haven't read yet or remember they stories of the ones I've already read." DD8 kept pulling me over to show me her organization plan for the amoire. It's was sooooooo painful getting them to start helping though. Sometimes I just don't want to go through the initial push or fight. I know I always an enjoy a project much more when I have creative input and impact.

[SoonerTexan]

I'm bad about cleaning up after N because she takes forever.

But I have started cooking with her. She is too young to do much, but she is getting basic concepts. I'll have this kid starting dinner by 8 dang it

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

In my case, the minor boo boos I'm attempting to prevent are more like falling off the refrigerator or cutting fingers off with a chef's knife but I agree with what you are saying. I try to incorporate "safe" challenges. I'll let my boys go nuts on a playground and I won't freak out (though, in my experience, other parents and teachers freak out when my boys go nuts on the playground). I'm always struggling with the balance between teaching my kids and not allowing them to be a nuisance to others.

Right, the K Bros are in a class by themselves. I mean opening drawers and pulling out the pans on yourself...not free range with the poisonous dishwashing soap around the baby.

C cooks with me now. It helps that we have the learning tower because she's at my level and can cook. We got her a two handed knife that she LOVES to chop stuff with and we always let her tear lettuce, add ingredients, make salad dressing, etc.

[MrsK]

" It's was sooooooo painful getting them to start helping though. Sometimes I just don't want to go through the initial push or fight. I know I always an enjoy a project much more when I have creative input and impact.[/QUOTE]

Today, I tried bartering with them. for instabce, they'd ask for something like a snack and I'd tell them they could have it after picking up their toys. It's working well today but I'm sure it will backfire when they come up with their own quid pro quo.

Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk

[MrsC]

Interesting read. I grew up on a farm and we all helped, feeding animals, mucking out, checking on animals. We loved it. Same with chores and cooking etc. It was always a family effort. I think you can be safety conscious and still give kids their own responsibilities. My Mom always says she tried not to do for us what we could do for ourselves. I aim to do the same with DS, within reason of course.

[SoonerTexan]

It helps that we have the learning tower because she's at my level and can cook.

I want one of these! The rickety kitchen chair is a disaster waiting to happen!

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

I want one of these! The rickety kitchen chair is a disaster waiting to happen!

We got ours on CL for $100. BEST INVESTMENT EVER. C LOVES it. I've seen plans to DIY online but that would have taken months in our house during intern year when we started needing it. She has never fallen out of it and has been in it since she was 10 months old. I have a feeling she's not going to want to share it in a few short weeks when D can stand for longer periods of time.

[Ladybug]

I feel so beaten down and disheartened by all the negative parenting commentaries, articles, books. Rarely do we read about our parenting creativity and adaptability in a quickly changing, non traditional environments. The stress and perseverance. It makes me angry and then just sad. I want to read more encouraging parenting blurbs and books. I want a heaping dose of hope...

[spotty_dog]

I read the Continuum Concept by Jean Liedloff when I was still pregnant, and it has very much informed my parenting. In the 1970s and 80s, Liedloff's observations of South American tribal childrearing, of the Yequana tribe who wore their babies and slept with them and breastfed them and then let them participate in daily life as they grew, were the foundation of the modern Attachment Parenting movement. Benign neglect and parenting by example, giving kids lots of opportunities to observe adult life and interact with their environment, make a lot of sense to me, and my observations have confirmed that many kids have an innate sense of danger and won't tumble over a cliff or whack themselves with something sharp if allowed to explore with no interference whatsoever. (I've met plenty of kids, however, who do NOT seem to have this ingrained sense! Even when their parents are just as dedicated as I to not interfering. As with anything YMMV!)

However, I also don't believe in making my children do what I can help them with, just for "character building". Here's a counterpoint to the "kids these days have it too easy" claim: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/05/04/op...-too-easy.html