Spoiled Rotten

[SoonerTexan]

I feel so beaten down and disheartened by all the negative parenting commentaries, articles, books. Rarely do we read about our parenting creativity and adaptability in a quickly changing, non traditional environments. The stress and perseverance. It makes me angry and then just sad. I want to read more encouraging parenting blurbs and books. I want a heaping dose of hope...

^Honestly that was my first thought. I think there is a lot of "one size fits all" advice out there that wouldn't work well for each child. I can already tell I'm going to have to do some things differently for #2 vs #1.

[MrsK]

...my observations have confirmed that many kids have an innate sense of danger and won't tumble over a cliff or whack themselves with something sharp if allowed to explore with no interference whatsoever. (I've met plenty of kids, however, who do NOT seem to have this ingrained sense! Even when their parents are just as dedicated as I to not interfering. As with anything YMMV!)

Yeah, see, K1 doesn't seem to have that innate sense of danger. I sometimes wonder whether that is something unique to him which makes sense given his sensory issues and impulsive personality. But would he be more cautious if I was less protective? Oftentimes when I tell him that he could get hurt or could have been hurt doing something outrageous, he tells me that he didn't get hurt so he doesn't see the problem. It's sort of a chicken/egg thing with him. Up until recently, I let K2 "off lead" more frequently because I felt that he could be trusted not to dart into traffic or climb into the bear habitat at the zoo. Lately, he's been less responsible so I've tightened the reins. But was he more trustworthy because he was trusted more to begin with?

Yesterday, the boys discovered three humongous anthills. Curious, they put their faces really really close to the anthills and began poking the anthills with sticks. Would the Peruvian amazon mom flip out like I did? (Imagining a trip to the ER for potentially life threatening allergic reaction to ant bites, OMG. I totally flipped out!) Would a Peruvian amazon 3 or 4 year old known not to stir up the anthill? Would the Peurivian amazon kid just learned the hard way? Would that be better? Did my kids learn to avoid the anthill or did they learn just to attempt to stir up an anthill when mom's not around?

[GrayMatterWife]

I have read "Mean Moms Rule" and "Bringing Up Bebe"--mostly, because I was fascinated that these books had to be written. I could have written the former.

I had no idea that parents let their kids run their asses over. I mean, I saw it occasionally--but I thought those parents were exceptions. Anyhow, it explains a LOT about some of the god-awful behavior I see in some of my kids' friends. Who the hell is in charge of these homes? They are built entirely around the "needs," wishes, and impulses of children. Um, yeah...they are CHILDREN. They don't get to be in charge. And, by the way, the answer is: no. That simple. No. Kid screams and yells and acts like a spoiled little puke? Go to your (grownup) room, lock the door, and ignore him. Who cares? Brat. He'll learn that behavior gets him nowhere. And turn off the damn TV, while you're at it. It is a box that teaches nothing other than distraction and instant gratification.

And it explains a LOT of the bizarro over involved parenting I see at the girls' schools. Cut the cord. And stop trying to fix the kids' every problem. And stop freaking out if the milk is not organic. Why are you worried about organic milk when kids that age eat boogers and paste? Get a hobby other than your kids!

[Pollyanna]

Blah, blah, blah. Just another worthless article in a series of how American kids and their parents suck and if we just did it like the folks in (insert any Country here) our kids would be so much better off. Whatever, I wasn't impressed.

[Sheherezade]

I feel so beaten down and disheartened by all the negative parenting commentaries, articles, books. Rarely do we read about our parenting creativity and adaptability in a quickly changing, non traditional environments. The stress and perseverance. It makes me angry and then just sad. I want to read more encouraging parenting blurbs and books. I want a heaping dose of hope...

Yep. It's far more engaging to say we all suck at parenting or we are all doing it wrong, though. These journalists know their trade; get 'me riled up and sharing/commenting.

Don't take these theories seriously.


Angie

[ladymoreta]

Blah, blah, blah. Just another worthless article in a series of how American kids and their parents suck and if we just did it like the folks in (insert any Country here) our kids would be so much better off. Whatever, I wasn't impressed.

This and Ladybug's post were my thoughts, too. Yes, those kids are out cutting grass with machetes. American kids are out setting up nonprofits and raising hundreds of thousands of dollars to bring those kids fresh, safe drinking water.

I totally agree about giving kids age-appropriate responsibilities and teaching them the value of contributing to the family. I really hope to raise kids who look around for things that need doing and do them, rather than kids who must be nagged every step of the way. That would be a much more useful book to read.

[spotty_dog]

Yeah, see, K1 doesn't seem to have that innate sense of danger. I sometimes wonder whether that is something unique to him which makes sense given his sensory issues and impulsive personality. But would he be more cautious if I was less protective? Oftentimes when I tell him that he could get hurt or could have been hurt doing something outrageous, he tells me that he didn't get hurt so he doesn't see the problem. It's sort of a chicken/egg thing with him. Up until recently, I let K2 "off lead" more frequently because I felt that he could be trusted not to dart into traffic or climb into the bear habitat at the zoo. Lately, he's been less responsible so I've tightened the reins. But was he more trustworthy because he was trusted more to begin with?

Yesterday, the boys discovered three humongous anthills. Curious, they put their faces really really close to the anthills and began poking the anthills with sticks. Would the Peruvian amazon mom flip out like I did? (Imagining a trip to the ER for potentially life threatening allergic reaction to ant bites, OMG. I totally flipped out!) Would a Peruvian amazon 3 or 4 year old known not to stir up the anthill? Would the Peurivian amazon kid just learned the hard way? Would that be better? Did my kids learn to avoid the anthill or did they learn just to attempt to stir up an anthill when mom's not around?

See, in the end you do have to trust momma instinct, and do what works for you and for your family. Nobody can ever say how your kids would be if they were raised by someone else, but does it matter, one little bit? Because they wouldn't *be* your kids if they were raised in someone else's family. I mean, it's just not really worth worrying over. Do the best you can with what you have.

When DH and I were a twenty-something young childless couple we used to talk about how we'd raise our kids, how we saw his older siblings and other acquaintances raising theirs, and we came to a conclusion. No kid has ever truly been screwed up, who wouldn't have been a screw-up regardless, if he was raised with LOVE. You can make your life harder in the long run, or you can make their life harder in the long run, but you really can't screw up. We resolved just to love our kids, no matter what else we did. So far so good.

[MrsK]

See, in the end you do have to trust momma instinct, and do what works for you and for your family. Nobody can ever say how your kids would be if they were raised by someone else, but does it matter, one little bit? Because they wouldn't *be* your kids if they were raised in someone else's family. I mean, it's just not really worth worrying over. Do the best you can with what you have.

When DH and I were a twenty-something young childless couple we used to talk about how we'd raise our kids, how we saw his older siblings and other acquaintances raising theirs, and we came to a conclusion. No kid has ever truly been screwed up, who wouldn't have been a screw-up regardless, if he was raised with LOVE. You can make your life harder in the long run, or you can make their life harder in the long run, but you really can't screw up. We resolved just to love our kids, no matter what else we did. So far so good.

Thank you for this. I know that our parenting styles are so different and we often approach parenting from very different perspectives. But you found the common ground here. We both love our kids so so much.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

I totally agree about giving kids age-appropriate responsibilities and teaching them the value of contributing to the family. I really hope to raise kids who look around for things that need doing and do them, rather than kids who must be nagged every step of the way.

This is my goal too. Although I know it will be an endlessly long road...But I've seen it done. Literally, I've heard parents say to children around 8 years old, "please look for an area to help and start doing it" which I think is an amazing skill/lesson to have...see an issue, diagnose it, address it.

[alotofyarn]

I want one of these! The rickety kitchen chair is a disaster waiting to happen!

I've already given my dad the plans so that he can make one for E.

http://ana-white.com/2010/12/helping-tower.html

[SoonerTexan]

Neat! Sadly ain't gonna happen here. I'm trolling Craigslist. DH is going to kill me

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Yeah, DH didn't have time. But I will tell you it was probably the best thing I ever bought for my kids aside from my BOB (and that's more for me).

[BonBon]

The learning tower is totally worth it!!