school volunteering

[Sheherezade]

IMHO, that's too much for a regular volunteer gig. This isn't because you have "selfish" needs, it's because MOST parents can't offer that. If she needs that much help, the district needs to look in to it and consider hiring an aide or restructuring the curriculum for that time period. You really shouldn't build a curriculum that depends on a parent volunteering three continuous hours each week.

If it's a one time thing or temporary, that's different. Then, it's up to you to decide if you have it to give. From what you've said, now that you know your limits, I'd say up front that you can give an hour or whatever.


Angie

[diggitydot]

I don't think you're being even remotely selfish, FWIW. If you don't want to do it, say "no," earlier rather than later.

[PrincessFiona]

I don't think you're being remotely selfish either. It's too much time expected. Here, the standard time expected is an hour, but once you sign up, you're expected every week. I think that is too much too. Moms and dads have a lot on their plates and volunteering has become an expected norm. When I volunteered at the Montessori when Aidan and Zoe were little, they also wanted me to volunteer one full day (3.5 hours). I did that only twice. I need my time too.

Kelly, I think the problem is that it has reached a point where we are expected to give to fund raisers and direct donation campaigns, be very involved in our kids academics (checking online, etc) and now volunteering is not so volunteer anymore. You have kids at school, you will give your time.

Last year was my first year not volunteering at all. I thought I would volunteer for something this year and maybe I will, but I won't be doing a lot. I have limits. I just can't do anymore. I feel like I already gave back to the schools through volunteering for many years. Now it's my chance to just have me time if I need it. If someone has a problem with it, I don't even care anymore. Neither should you.

Kris

ETA: I forgot I was orchestra mom last year and I am again this year. It's not volunteering in the schools though ... but I love helping Aidan's orchestra teacher.

[spotty_dog]

Phew. Home. That was rewarding but exhausting and exasperating. I told her that most days I won't be able to stay past the end of reading (2:30) and she said that was totally fine, reading is her biggest concern. So some days I might not come in until just before reading either. We'll just have to see how things go.

Man, my head is splitting. I don't know how teachers do it daily.

[PrincessFiona]

I'm glad it worked out for you today and that you found it rewarding!

kris

[Pollyanna]

In order to volunteer in the classrooms or even go on field trips you have to have the whole finger print/background check. I was just going to keep forgetting to do that

[PrincessFiona]

Is this thread closed?

[PrincessFiona]

I'm re-opening the thread ... I think. Was it closed intentionally or accidentally?

[spotty_dog]

Thanks for re-opening it, I didn't know what had happened and had no time to ask before jetting off to karate.

I forgot how much I really like connecting with the kiddos in class, and seeing familiar little faces when I walk around the halls. And I felt really needed, because the teacher was so disorganized and had such poor control over her classroom. It makes me feel more frustrated about my DD though. What a waste of 6.5 hours, and now there's a behavior chart that is being handled so horribly. Ugh, ugh.

[houseelf]

Kelly, I think the problem is that it has reached a point where we are expected to give to fund raisers and direct donation campaigns, be very involved in our kids academics (checking online, etc) and now volunteering is not so volunteer anymore. You have kids at school, you will give your time.

Yes! This is it exactly! I"m just agog at what is expected from parents emotionally, physically, and financially now. This isn't the problem...it is that tangible thing that I focus on because it is concrete.

Thanks, you just gave me an "aha!"

[Amiens]

I think it is better to be on overkill, than have a lack of parental involvement when needed. When the school staff feel supported it is a winning situation for the students. There is a time and place for parental time, effort and money. That being said, volunteering in our old school was a social scene and a contest for some of the parents. One parent in particular was there way too much in different capacities like subbing, PTO pres and generally unable to cut the apron strings from her kids. Her mother even hung out there a lot. The students definitely noticed and thought it was weird. Since Sandy Hook, our old school started to limit the volunteers and number of parents who could attend class parties. Six co-coaches for 14 girls? Get a life!

I found the same with our area. In fact our last elementary school, I dreaded having my child in the same class as another not because of the kid, but the MOM. She was super competitive, go getter, had to be the one in charge type of person. Anyway, fast forward to our new school - last year there were a lot of "want to be in charge parents," so I shrunk back and helped when I could. This year my youngest is with a pretty reasonable set of parents- no one was fighting to be room parent, art parent, when to volunteer, etc. It was so much calmer than in previous experiences. I help when I can, but if you want to kill me over a "position" or "job to do." I will save you the hassle and step aside, and possibly hold my foot out as you run past me.

[metroguy]

damn, sounds like the parents have lots of free time.. here in nyc, most parents do not volunteer even in a good affluent school. and with all these parental support, does it make a difference to the kids?

[Ravenclaw]

Spottydog, similar situation here...I volunteered every other Wednesday the first month, and somehow the teacher assumed I would be there every Wednesday. Last Wednesday when I went to pick my daughter up the teacher said she was expecting me there and I didn't show up. I was annoyed...I know there are other SAHMs that just don't volunteer. I told her I can't do every Wednesday. Partially because I don't really enjoy it; I don't know how teachers have the patience to deal with it! My head is spinning by the end of the class. I also take my 2 year old with me who is pretty well behaved but he's still 2 and it's hard for me to manage him and a group of kids. I was also really irritated during a field trip last week. I shouldn't have signed up to volunteer! She assigned me the mom she knows always has her toddler with her 4 students (including a boy whos got some behavioral issues) and other parents who came solo 2 students. It was miserable. And, other parents just tagged along for fun with no kids to supervise. Next time I'm doing that! I think she expects more from me because I've volunteered more than others but it's ridiculous.

[spotty_dog]

I talked to another mom from the kindergarten class yesterday at pick-up (my kids usually ride the bus). I mentioned I'd seen her daughter in reading group and she said she was volunteering as well, and "She has me coming in the WHOLE morning! Most teachers don't really even like having parents around that much but I guess...she does. I don't mind because I like being there and it reminds me of preschool!" (She was also a long-time co-op mom like me so we have been in classrooms for-evah.) So it's not just me who's startled by the request!

I'm frustrated though, I'm really not feeling useful. Monday I did go ahead and say I could only stay for two hours. I got tasked with just roving around, stapling a few papers, helping a couple of kids one-on-one if they were too slow finishing their math worksheet or whatever. The teacher is just too disorganized to actually coordinate and delegate to another person. And then for small-group reading she's acquired an aide for that 30 minutes, so she didn't even need me. I volunteered to head to the next room and help that teacher instead and she declined! Then set me to do 10 minutes of menial stuff and sent me home! Grr. Instead of going home, I went to the next room, where *my* kid's group was the one sitting with their materials and no adult to lead them, so they were flipping through their papers and trying to behave. I sat my butt right down and got to work and for the first time all day felt useful. :\

As I typed this, I got an email response from the teacher about something I asked her a week and a half ago. I guess I have the right email address after all -- this is my first email response from her, having sent her messages on 9/19 and 9/23. This is why I get amused by y'all's districts with your too-heavy contact and too-heavy reliance on electronics and online access to grades. We be old-skool here.