When should we start a family?

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

What does your DH want to specialize in? That has a lot of bearing on this decision since length of training is so variable.

[spaz]

One thing to consider as well is what a game changer kids are. I never ever cared about my husband's crazy schedule before kids. It didn't impact my life. However, once we had kids I as incredibly tied down. Some moms are fine with that. Some moms love being moms. It was really hard for me. As we are approaching empty nest, I am SO enjoying getting my life back. Now I am beginning to do my own stuff again. Just remember that kids are not some fun play with them put them away kind of thing. It was SO hard for me getting used to being on call 24/7. Just remember that. Only you can answer if you are ready for that kind of responsibility.

[Vanquisher]

When should we start a family?

It's such a personal decision. Your age, medical history, personal desires, specialty choice, savings, career, family or friend support, location, etc. There is no perfect time.

I had my kids young. I was 20 and 26. I don't regret it, but it was hard. If I had waited though, I probably wouldn't have kids because of medical issues. We were in undergrad with #1 and MS4 with #2.

It was hard, but I love my kids. I stayed home and we lived on loans. Very, very lean times. We have mountains of debt now, and less financial security than we should at this point, but we have two great kids.

Only you and your DH can answer this.

[rainbabies]

It's such a personal decision. Your age, medical history, personal desires, specialty choice, savings, career, family or friend support, location, etc. There is no perfect time.

I had my kids young. I was 20 and 26. I don't regret it, but it was hard. If I had waited though, I probably wouldn't have kids because of medical issues. We were in undergrad with #1 and MS4 with #2.
It was hard, but I love my kids. I stayed home and we lived on loans. Very, very lean times. We have mountains of debt now, and less financial security than we should at this point, but we have two great kids.

Only you and your DH can answer this.

Pretty much the same as Heidi. We had one kiddo three months before med school started and two during med school.
We have huge amounts of loan debt from me not working outside the home. This is something only the two of you can decide.
Welcome!

[jd2715]

Pretty much the same as Heidi. We had one kiddo three months before med school started and two during med school.
We have huge amounts of loan debt from me not working outside the home. This is something only the two of you can decide.
Welcome!

Do you feel your family is considerably more burdened with debt than medical families who waited? I am wondering if the high salary after training will make taking on more debt very doable, as long as we maintain our prior standard of living for a few extra years.

There's another issue I haven't mentioned yet. A good majority of our debt is owed to my in-laws, with interest. They made their son sign a contract. In the back of my mind I've been hoping that they will forgive it if there are grandchildren involved. But they haven't made any hints about that.

He hasn't decided on specialty yet. He's waiting to find out his Step 1 score, mostly.

I'm still pretty young, 24, so I do have some time. But I do want a good number of kids, and I know a lot of complications can come up in pregnancies the longer you wait.

[diggitydot]

When should we start a family?

We had kids before med school, so we've done this whole med shitfest with three little assistants since day one. It's had its ups and downs, just like everyone else's life.

Yes, we have debt. It's manageable (even in rural FM), and not the end of the world.

[Thirteen]

Now. 😇


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[TulipsAndSunscreen]

We will end up being able to pay off our debt very quickly post residency because I'm working my fingers to the bone now. That's a conscious choice for us because we may want to go work overseas semi permanently and must pay off debt to do it.

As you can see, everyone is different. 24 is pretty young if he's already MS2. He could be finished by 30 easily. And for what it's worth, I had trouble conceiving at 27 and other people I know get knocked up when their DH looks at them well over 40. So no rhyme or reason there.

What does your DH want to do. The medical lifestyle causes a certain amount of self-centered behavior for most people so his opinion is fairly critical.

[rainbabies]

I do think (along with Heidi) we have more debt than most. There was a poll a long while back, asking about the range of debt. She and I were neck and neck

If the loans are thorough your inlaws, even with a contract, will they be more flexible?

[v-girl]

We had ours just as ms1 started, halfway through ms2 (18 month apart), and spring of ms4. DH did the MD/PhD route though so we didn't have student loans. We didn't move away from family either so we had help with the kids while I worked as a secretary. I quit soon after residency started and have been homeschooling the kids since 2009.


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[ladymoreta]

I know I don't know you well yet, but from what you've said, I'd recommend you wait to start TTC until residency (or whenever you can quit your job). Like you, I felt really compelled to say at home with my babies. I thought we'd want to have more, but we were both truly done at two, so if we'd started early, I wouldn't have had any experiences being a SAHM with a baby, which was *my* dream. (As compared with DH's dream of being a doctor.)

This was our plan: We waited and saved the amount that we calculated would supplement my income enough to pay our bills through the rest of residency before trying to conceive. This was our reality: We had a major, necessary home repair that wiped out half of that savings. I continued to stay at home with our baby anyway, and we have lots of debt to show for it. Best laid plans and all, right?

This site has lots of people who've had babies at all stages, and very few of us regret our paths. I have to say just go with your gut on this. For years, I thought we should have had a baby back in medical school when I actually went into real depression over not having a baby when I was very, very ready to start TTC, but now looking back, I'm truly glad I listened to my DH, who told me I'd regret it.

[MrsK]

24 is very young. If you are in good health and don't have any specific fertility concern, I wouldn't let fear of advanced maternal age scare you into having kids sooner than you feel ready. I had my babies at 35, 36, and 39. Each time, I became pregnant very quickly. I don't know if the pregnancies would have been easier if I was younger. However, I might have preferred to spread my kids out more. So, if you think that you may want to have a large family, you might want to start sooner.

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[alotofyarn]

We had all of ideas about when it would be ideal to start our family, and in the end, we decided we'd like our first during his MS4 year, when we were both 28/29, when his schedule was a bit lighter, and after I had gotten promoted at work. We also dealt with our fair share of long distance too prior to that point. He does have a fair amount of debt, but I have a pretty good, and I've always planned on continuing to work, so that has helped. Well, it took us over a year to get pregnant, through infertility treatments and a miscarriage - it would have taken even longer, but I saw my doctor 4 months into trying, knowing that I wasn't ovulating, and she agreed that we needed to start treatment. So, we had our first during his PGY1 year, a surgery internship. It was hard, but give the choice between doing that and not having our daughter, we'd both do it again in a second. We're also incredibly fortunate that we matched into a city really close to my parents, so they've helped out tremendously. I also have a very flexible job, so I'm able to spend more time with her than a lot of full-time working moms and stay home with her when she gets sick or can't go to daycare. We still have the debt, but I know we'll be able to pay it off eventually. I don't regret that we waited as long as we did, because as hard as it was to have a baby during intern year, I think it would have been even harder with a substantially lower income and without our family close by.

So basically, another vote for it being different for everybody.

[diggitydot]

Now. 😇


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Just a heads-up. We call Thirteen "the Enabler" for a reason.

[alison]

I can't speak for anyone else, but I had one in my early 30s, and the second at age 36. And it's bruuuutal when you're as old as I am... Nighttime feedings are like waking the dead.