poor little andrew

[PrincessFiona]

Today he had the 3rd grade 'battle of the books'. He was a part of a group of 18 teams that read 15 books...they had their final 'competition' today where they answered questions about the books. Last year, his team took 3rd place overall....today....they took last Besides the obvious mom competition going on in the room (and yes, I admit being a tad disappointed, though I got over it really fast because I knew how silly I was being!) there was a lot of student competition...and poor Andrew's little eyes filled with tears after 1/2 time because he knew they wouldn't place in the top 5 to compete for places 1-3.

He didn't want to watch the top 5 compete for the top 3 places and so we went ahead and left and I took him back to his classroom. He looked like he was just going to burst into tears and so I told him it was ok to be disappointed and that I was so proud of him for even being in the competition (blah, blah, blah!). I put my arm around him and he jumped away from me and yelled "Don't TOUCH me, mom...there are 4th graders watching....GOD, HOW EMBARASSING!" 8O

So....I walked him to class and left...feeling oh-so-small....maybe I should have titled this post 'poor mom'

kris

[mommax3]

Oh, gosh, Kris, DEFINITELY poor mom! I haven't had one of those moments yet with my oldest, although I think we are getting close, and I dread it! Poor Andrew, too, though. Luke (my oldest) asked me last night "am I weird?" I made a joke out of it at first and said "no weirder than I am" and made a funny face, but it turns out that kids in his class have been telling him he is weird because a) he is tall and b) he is smart. He says whenever he doesn't get a perfect score on a paper, some of his classmates make a big deal of it and ask him if he is going to cry. Believe me, he DOES NOT work hard for those grades, so there is no way he is even close to crying, but it embarrasses him all the same. He also feels different because several of the boys in class are in a very competitive soccer league (you have to try out to be in it....yes these are third graders ) and when he tries to play soccer with them at recess, they make fun of him and say he is lame. So I told him I was putting all of those boys on my "list" and made mysterious faces (borrowing liberally from the mother on "Everybody Loves Raymond" and the way she repsonds when her family is threatened) and he finally started laughing. I explained to him that every kid at some point gets made fun of growing up....that I did (and I told him what for) and that he is not at all weird. I think he is okay but I hate that he has to go through that.

Sally

[Sheherezade]

This is awful. My oldest is in second grade and this stuff is starting to happen for us too. It doesn't seem to bother him when he is obviously left out by some clique-y boys in the classroom, but it bothers me!!!! I try not to let it show, because these are not the kind of friends he needs. Still, he was friends with them at the beginning of the year and now they are always excluding him from not-so-secret sleepovers and afternoon playdates. It makes me nuts. He has lots of other friends and his teacher says he's very popular. She even told me he's the only kid who doesn't put up with the peer pressure baloney and is always the voice of reason. I guess that's why these popular kids don't like him, since he doesn't want to be mean and exclusive like them. That's great that he can do that, but I hate to see him get hurt for it. I can't even get into the mommy-clique problems I have right now. I can't wait to move!!! It's tough having a kid who is more mature than me. As for the mommy-touching-me fear, Zach has brushed me off lately when I try to kiss his head good bye near the school----I've got the message <<<SOB>>>>

Angie

[SueC]

Those stories would make me sad, too! I can't imagine what it will be like when mine get older and I have to watch my kids figure out how to deal with it without "hovering" too much! This might be happening sooner than I think, though. Lately Maya has been bringing up a little girl at preschool and telling me that the little girl doesn't want to be her friend. At first she would only occasionally bring it up, but now she pretty much tells me each day after school whether or not the little girl was "mean" that day--I don't ask, she just brings it up on her own. We have the parent-teacher conf. on Thursday so I plan to ask the teacher whether or not there is really a problem. I've just tried to arm her with the words to say to the little girl when she does say something mean, and to reassure her that she has lots of other friends who she can play with. It still makes me sad that she may be getting picked on. (I'm not sure at this point if the little girl is singling out Maya or if she is like this towards all the kids.) I guess that is one of life's lessons to be learned, and I can't expect her to "mesh" with every other kid on earth.

[Rapunzel]

You know, this reminds me of a competition Alex was in awhile back. He is in basketball practice at the community center and he was placed by the coach in the "special" (that's a good special ) class. The coach said it was because Alex is taller than all the kids his age (the child is barely seven and reaches my shoulder - he's almost five feet tall!) and because Alex has got a bit of talent and a ton of enthusiasm. That special class is made up entirely of second graders (Alex would be in first grade this year). Alex is able to keep up skill-wise with these older kids but they do initimidate him by virtue of being older and "more sophisticated" in his mind (being a year older is a huge thing when you're so little).

So, anyway, the class had a competition at the end of the "semester" (last December) where the boys and girls competed for a trophy by playing horse (shooting hoops from various angles) - girls against girls and boys against boys.

Well, Alex actually did very well. He didn't get the trophy but he rimmed all of the baskets he didn't make. I was very proud of him. But, when he got back to me after the little tournament of sorts he was in tears. I hugged him (he's not embarrassed by that yet) and told him how proud I was of him and reminded him that the other kids had all been practicing a year longer than he had. He said that he was upset because another boy who he had gotten to know had done byfar the worst of the bunch and he was worried this other little boy would feel bad. My child was in tears because another kid hadn't done as well as he had!!!!

I got down close to him so the other children couldn't hear and told him that if the other boy saw him so upset he might feel bad about how he had done and get upset as well (as it was the other child was holding up pretty well emotionally). I have to say I was so touched by my child's compassion but at the same time I definitely "felt" the other kids' eyes on my son's tears and it prompted me to want to help him regain composure quickly (which he did). Believe me, I really know teasing....

I ended up having Alex put back into the first grade class this January btw. He is not intimidated in the least by his own age-group (maybe it does have something to do with his size?). So, although the skill level is a bit lower than he is used to he is much happier.

I have a hard time trying to find a balance between promoting my son's kind, compassionate, sweet nature and helping him protect himself from some of the more vicious of his older peers who get away with things that would not be tolerated in the adult world.

Jennifer