Watch "You're a Bad Mom If..." on YouTube

[MrsK]

https://youtu.be/uf1_7xxWPE0

A discussion in another thread got me thinking about this. I compliment my kids all the time. I tell them that they are pretty and smart and I also praise them for being kind and trying hard. Doesn't everybody?

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[spotty_dog]

Nope. Drank the Unconditional Parenting kool-aid long, long ago. I think it's ridiculous and trendy to get all uptight about slipping up, but it's second nature to me now to speak to my kids differently.

[Sheherezade]

Funny! Seriously, people overthink the parenting thing.


Angie

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

I have tried to lessen the compliments on visual appearance and make it more on character attributes. But I definitely slip up and don't worry about it.

My biggest thing that I've tried to incorporate is when we get whining about "This is HARD" or "I can't" is to say, "I know it's hard (acknowledging) but you can do hard things!" C is always so proud of herself when she does hard things and this approach seems to make it more likely to encourage her to keep trying. I used to go the "no it's not" route but I've realized how annoying/condescending that is.

[MsSassyBaskets]

I'm awful about saying "good job!" for everything including eating dinner... And DD does not need any encouragement to finish her dinner, she is a BEAST. Then after dinner I comment on how adorable her big round belly is, hahaha.... I'm lucky she's still so little. I'm trying to reform. I am very aware of trying to avoid appearance comments but I'm not perfect about it. I do remember that my mom never commented on appearance and I was convinced that meant I was ugly. Like [MENTION=4468]rufflesanddots[/MENTION], she cared so little about my appearance and her own that I didn't know how to present myself when I got a little older.

I have taken the "don't call your kids smart" advice to heart because I was a victim of that. My parents constantly told us, and implied, that we were very smart (and smarter than other kids) and I was quite the little arrogant, underachieving brat when I was younger. I remember literally thinking, "I don't have to try that hard since I'm smart, I can just be lazy and I'll still do fine." It was true, but that's not the result you want. So I do want to focus on the hard work, but too often I just say "good job!" for everything. I'm still working on my parenting banter.

[Thirteen]

I do a lot of "I'm so glad you are my son."


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[Pollyanna]

Hahaha!!! I'm loving the part about her child deciding what she thinks is right and left when she is old enough!!!
Yep, way past worrying about this stuff. Be kind, loving, and respectful and treat your child the way you would like to be treated. Beyond that, they'll grow up in spite of us.

[MrsK]

There are plenty of people who are ready and willing to point out my kids' shortcomings. I praise them and encourage them to recognize the strengths of others. K1 knows that some things will require him to work harder than others to master and others will come easily. For instance, riding a bike is a challenge but he's a math wiz. When he's afraid of failing, it helps for him to know his strengths and to use those to break down big problems into smaller ones he knows how to solve. Also, that boy in his class who no one likes because he can't follow directions to save his life? He's bigger and stronger than everyone so he's super at kickball. K1 appreciates that about him and makes sure he's included at recess.

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[spotty_dog]

LOL. I am picturing a world where the only thing parents ever communicate to their kids is what their shortcomings are. That would suck!

I am effusive with positive remarks and encouragement. It just doesn't take the form of praise. I am their biggest cheerleader and they know I am always thrilled to be their parent, and happiest when they are proud of *themselves*. (I want to make it clear that this is just me and mine! I truly don't think there's any right or wrong here. But I don't want to give the impression that I nitpick my kids all day lest they grow up thinking too much of themselves, LOL.)

[poky]

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[ladymoreta]

Too funny! I praise my kids, but "smart" is the one I try the hardest to avoid, substituting praise for working hard.