Moms of boys - any suggestions?

[mommax3]

It is natural.....they will make weapons out of anything at a certain age and there is not a whole lot you can do about it. I have three boys and we have nothing even resembling a gun around here (alright, I caved two summers ago and got some water guns) but all of them went through a stage where anything they touched became a weapon. They will grow out of it, don't worry, and in the meantime, ignoring it is probably your best strategy.

Sally

My youngest is a boy -- with two older sisters, mind you -- and he does the same thing. I think he was influenced by a friend, though. My middle daughter will play right along too. I think if you try to deny them the play, they'll want to do it even more. I draw the line at the wrestling/fighting stuff -- I don't allow that, which one of his friends regularly does. I agree with Sally . . . eventually the novelty will wear off and they'll move on to something else.

[houseelf]

All I can say is that I feel your pain. I don't allow DS to have toy weapons or watch programs like Yugioh, Ninja Turtles, and Power Rangers, but he is enamored with these and all other things that he identifies as "boyish" and /or masculine. At Christmas, his 92 year old great grandma bought him a Marine black hawk helicopter which shoots missles and says "come out and fight". I guess when you're 92 you are allowed some liberties that the rest of us aren't. Anyway, he saw that present and was in love.

He occasionally plays police officer and shapes his hand into a gun and tells us that we're under arrest. This is partly due to our influence because we read a parenting article which advised channelling this need for masculine identity with the real heroes who HELP people rather than just fight people: police officers/firefighters, etc. This is why my son has more Rescue Heroes than we know what to do with.

Anyway, part of me feels like we are just being P.C.-yuppie parents. This is somewhat of a losing battle and kids have been playing knights and dragons/ cowboys and indians/ soldiers since the beginning of time. Moreover, we recently borrowed old Tom and Jerry and Superheros: Halls of Justice cartoons from the library and we realized that the cartoons that we watched on a daily basis were fairly violent in their own right. So far, we haven't turned into gang members yet.

Still, both DH and I have had the conversation on "use your words" / "guns can hurt people" talk with DS often. Of course, this is usually right after we have wrestle mania witht he little bear cub in our house. :roll Hmmmm....sign us up for "parents of the year" soon!

All I can do is hope that my commiseration offers you some peace of mind????

Kelly

[PrincessFiona]

I'm late chiming in here, but I have to agree with everyone ... at a certain age, boys will make guns out of anything. My oldest used to bite his cheese slices into the shape of a gun . I tried not to make too much out of it. My husband is a diehard western fan and he and my sons have all spent hours watching shoot-em-up cowboy shows (in german of all things..how do you make german cowboy and indians movies???). My husband made a point of telling me (when I began to protest about the violence) that he grew up watching cowboys/indians/pirates, etc and that he isn't a mass murderer and didn't shoot kids at school...that violence exists in our society (good guys and bad guys) and that we can't pretend that it doesn't exist. His feeling is that kids see violence every day..the bully on the schoolyard, the clip on the news, that NYPD Blues episode you were watching when you thought they were in bed but were really sitting on the stairs to see the 'good part', in commercials, cartoons, etc, etc.

So...I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm the bad mom who let her 5 year old get two power ranger's dolls for christmas, has let her children play cowboys and indians with little plastic guns, and even bought a pirate outfit one year complete with sword. I've talked with my children extensively about violence and they know the difference between playing cops and robbers/cowboys and indians and really hurting someone. So far (ages 9 and 5) so good. My oldest is very gentle and wouldn't hurt a fly...my 5 year old loves to wrestle (especially when we visit Kelly and Cade ) but both are respectful and loving.

Maybe toy guns aren't the root of the problem....

I don't know...

kris

I may be a little politically incorrect in saying this but to me toy guns are to boys what dolls are to girls. We wouldn't get upset if we "caught" our daughters playing with dolls so it's really not fair to chastise or look down upon boys when they play with guns. At a certain age gender identification helps them to establish their sense of self and this is a part of it. It's innate and there's nothing we can do about it.

At the same time, I embrace my son when he plays with dolls and my daughter when she picks up a water gun,

[DCJenn]

We were never allowed to have guns (real, fake or imagined) growing up yet my brother did the same sorts of things- at somepoint it was Army Men, or GI Joe, etc.

Anyway, my friend who has boys was absolutely against weapons of any kind being in the home because she was afraid the older boy would hurt the younger one. So, it's Halloween and she's pregnant with the third child, and plain old exhausted. She asked the oldest to pick what he wanted to be from a catalogue (although she was planning on making the costume- this was the inspiration book) and he selcted a Knight. So, she said yes and then realized that Knights carry swords, which of course, he knew all along. She couldn't really go back on her word so she made it very clear that Knights did not stab doggies, kitties, mommies or daddies and especially they didn't stab or pretend to kill little brothers- knights only killed dragons. He said OK.

Three or four days later she was desperate for ideas for the youngest's costume- so she asked the oldest what he thought the younger brother should be. He very quietly but very firmly stated,

"a dragon."

She had to leave the room she started laughing so hard...

Jenn

[mommax3]

I don't think I would be okay with the phrases you quote or with the acting out of shooting themselves in the head. I would have conversations with them about both things and probably an understanding that time-outs would be the consequence for repetition of it. I would ask them where they heard/saw things like that, and if they have an answer, I would try to lessen or remove that particular influence. My boys are further apart in age, so they didn't really have a "partner in crime" when they went through that stage, and I am sure your boys' closeness exacerbates the situation. Pretending that you are killing someone (or yourself) on purpose at our house would not be accpetable......acting out a self-defense scenario would be okay. I feel funny writing all that out because it is really a non-issue around here at this point, and hopefully it will be at your house, soon! I just wanted to let you know that although I think pretend guns are part of normal development, I would definitely draw the line when the pretending started to make me feel uncomfortable.

Sally