Learning to lose

[OrionGrad]

I need some advice. DS1 has been playing on soccer leagues since he was 2, but last fall was the first time I signed him up for a competitive league where they play actual games (they don't keep score or have goalies). He loved the practices, but he struggled during the games because he's just not a rough-and-tumble kid and he'd get upset (and sometimes even cry) because he hadn't scored any goals. He finished the season without ever scoring a goal. He'd be sad immediately after each game, but then he'd get over it and be excited about soccer again by the time the next practice or game rolled around. So that was last summer/fall, when he had just turned 4. I was hoping something would change in the past 7 months, but today was his first day of soccer camp and at the end of camp he was once again really upset that he was the only person who didn't score any goals during their scrimmage.
I've always told him to be positive, keep practicing, etc. But now I'm questioning whether I should sign him up for the league again this fall. I understand the value in trying to get better at something, but at what point do you pull the plug and try a different sport? I know if I ask him right now he'd say he wants to play, it's just that he gets so upset at the end of each game it really makes me sad.

[Flynn]

So now he is 5?

I think for sports we are in a "too much too fast" era with our kids. By the time I was in first grade I was begging my parents to play soccer because there was nothing available before that. I was 7 and very ready to play. Now if kids aren't in things when they are 3 or 4 other parents look at you like you are strange.

I might try giving him a couple of choices....do you want to do soccer again or try the art class? Would he like a musical gymnastics class? I think if you give kids choices then you get a more authentic answer.

I think sports are extremely valuable, but some kids aren't ready before a certain age. Some kids put too much pressure on themselves or they equate a bad day to no goals.

Another idea is if he wants to do soccer is to make a few goals for the first practice and game -- goals that do not include scoring. Maybe it's about effort or passing or stopping an opponent by playing defense. Maybe a goal would be to compliment a teammate.

I think kids should be able to try out many activities before they hit 5th grade and then pick a few they really like. If sports are more frustrating than fun kids will opt out of sports -- some times for good.

[OrionGrad]

He's 4 now, he'll be 5 in August. I really like the idea of setting some goals that have nothing to do with scoring. I think that's something that would be right up his alley. I'd love for him to try a sport without any competition, like tennis lessons, but I have a feeling he's going to pick soccer if given the choice, just because it's what he knows best right now.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

We actually are doing this with C on her swim team. She's swimming 5 and under but she's by far the smallest/youngest at most meets. So we've set non "winning" goals because she's not winning any time soon... jump off the blocks at the start, use freestyle arms half/full way, only flip to your back to breathe 4 times, do one side breath, etc.

I think over and above helping him not get upset, it makes a lot of sense to help them learn/improve incrementally. It's unlikely he's the next great soccer star (just statistically speaking) but having an incremental growth mindset helps keep it fun and goals attainable.


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[OrionGrad]

I'm wondering when it's time to pull the plug and try something new? I'd bet my right arm that soccer is never going to be *the* sport he excels at, if for no other reason than he's just not an aggressive person. (Neither am I, so I'm not passing judgment.) I see the value in learning new skills, being on a team,and working to improve at something that might not come naturally ... but there are so many sports and activities out there to try.

[civilspouse]

Our local rec center has classes/camps over the summer for that age group where they do a bunch of different sports. If was fun and DS enjoyed trying out the new sports. He found some that he liked and others that he didn't. Although he really disliked soccer at that time he wanted to sign up for the league because his friends were playing and now he's decided it's his favorite sport.


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[TulipsAndSunscreen]

I'm wondering when it's time to pull the plug and try something new? I'd bet my right arm that soccer is never going to be *the* sport he excels at, if for no other reason than he's just not an aggressive person. (Neither am I, so I'm not passing judgment.) I see the value in learning new skills, being on a team,and working to improve at something that might not come naturally ... but there are so many sports and activities out there to try.

Why not take a break? What about a swim team or tumbling?


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[OrionGrad]

Our local rec center has classes/camps over the summer for that age group where they do a bunch of different sports. If was fun and DS enjoyed trying out the new sports. He found some that he liked and others that he didn't. Although he really disliked soccer at that time he wanted to sign up for the league because his friends were playing and now he's decided it's his favorite sport.


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I wish we had something like that. He's done basketball and soccer at the rec center, and he enjoyed them both, but I think he's aged out of those classes now.

[Thirteen]

I wish we had something like that. He's done basketball and soccer at the rec center, and he enjoyed them both, but I think he's aged out of those classes now.

Also try your local elementary school: ours runs "sports camps" throughout the summer, and it's basically a week of "how-to" to check it out.


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