Ugh. I'm so not ready for parenting. Help - bad influences!

[JDAZ11]

So I'm on an annual family vacation. My actual family has its issues, but now we add in these two other families (like big families - sets of parents my parents age and their kids - plus now their kids).

So everything has been fine-ish. But tonight we finally added another family to the mix. They have a 5yo and a 2.5 yo... both are totally out of control and don't act in a way that I'm comfortable with my kids acting. (Just climbing all over very unstable furniture at restaurants, rolling on the ground while servers are trying to walk around. That's it so far - abd I know it happens with all kids to some degree, but no one even looks at them, tells them no etc. my kids are SUPEr mimicy - it's awful. We copy our 8mo cousins, our 68 yo grandfather. Like anything you do, they do. So they are usually amazing at restaurants. Amazing. (It's the French fries mostly, but I don't care).

Today was the first day they have ever had to eat out for every meal - first two were fine. Last (once these girls were added to equation... )disaster.

Any tips on how I can get my kids to not follow their lead? We are still working on time outs - I can't usually get to actually go. If I physically take them (which kills me abdominal injury wis), they are actually happy, because they got my attention I guess. Oddly both will assign themselves to time out when they haven't done anything wrong. They rarely go where they should, but they leave and start talking about their time out - the reason for it is never shared. Lol. So I don't know. I'm just so horrified fir them to be around these little girls and their super "laid back" (I'm sure I could call them other things if I wasn't trying to be nice) patents.

I know this a silly problem. It's just awkward and hard because I'm literally stuck with these people for a whole week... plus I'm a single parent z🙃. I'm not good at this.... help!


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[spotty_dog]

For me, parenting at not-quite-two was about Caveman Speech (Happiest Toddler on the Block), and picking battles, and redirection. That wasn't an age where I did time-outs for anything but physical violence, and time-outs were SFB. Like, instantaneous, startling, big impression. I personally believe toddlers don't have the attention span for protracted punishment.

Restaurant manners at almost-two? Especially around distraction (like kids who behave as I don't want mine to behave?) Lots of redirection, and lots of very clear instruction. "UP. I need you UP from the floor. It is NOT okay to be on the floor. I need you to come here by me. Did you see this app on the iPad?" "DOWN. I need you DOWN from the furniture. It is NOT okay to be on the furniture. Your drink just arrived, can you see how the straw works?" Misbehaving children aren't your problem (boundaries! Let their parents deal!) but just an environmental distraction to work around, like a stranger with a puppy or a duck pond that they want to splash in. An entire dinner would probably involve at least one or two trips outside to take a breather and re-center. Anyone else who's ever been a parent will cover for you.

I do know some of your pain, despite not being a twin mom. I was just going back through my photo archives and found some sequences where I'd do a whole Day in the Life, taking photos to document my day with a toddler (and/or infant). I can't believe how insane and unpredictable everything was in those days! It's so crazy, especially as a solo parent. But you've got this. Nothing you can do will harm your boys permanently, as long as it's done with love. Just get through this week. The days are long but the years are short. <3

[Thirteen]

Spotty has good advice.
The constant redirection is totally draining, so I empathize.


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[TulipsAndSunscreen]

I've been there. This exact situation - alone, two kids, family reunion with older very wild kids. And my dad/stepmom were there but they do not lift a finger to help. It was just me, the whole week.

Basically, I had to let it go. It was miserable and I spent a lot of time alone with the kids but there were some things that I just had to let go. I made them sit to actually eat (they were 1 and 3) but I couldn't do much else. It was miserable. And then because most of my cousins kids were older (think 6-10 age range), all the stuff we did also included skipping naps: there was an all day boat ride that I felt like I had to go on or be alone from 7 to 7 - I ended up wearing D and holding C in 90 degrees while the boat tooled around and they passed out.

The thing is, your kids won't remember it. So just enjoy the best you can and let it go.

Interestingly, despite everyone laughing and tolerating the awful behavior from these kids, everyone actually just shit talks behind the parents backs about how awful their parenting is. It's a great dynamic...


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[alotofyarn]

It's so hard when other kids are allowed to break the rules you set for your kids, especially when yours aren't quite old enough to fully understand. I've said a lot of, her mommy and daddy may let her do that, but yours don't.

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[Ladybug]

Can you use the tired kids as an excuse to bow out at dinner? End of the day on vacation is the hardest. Can you bow out of public dinner at last 1/2 the time? Maybe once the kids are fed and down you can sit out for cocktails and/or adult conversation. Things get so much easier! Incredibly easier. Vacations become mostly fun at some magical point. Don't feel badly about not being present for everything. Put tired kids to bed and enjoy a glass of something in front of the TV.

[Vishenka69]

Dealt with same exact situation last month. I tried to separate the kids whenever possible and to just let it go when it wasn't. Lots of yoga breathing and telling myself it's only a few days.

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[MsSassyBaskets]

Mine is a little older (2.5), but I've had some luck with speaking to her very quietly and pointing the problem out to her. "Look behind you. Those people are trying to enjoy their dinner. They don't want to hear your loud voice." "Look at these people trying to walk past your chair. If you push your chair out, you will bump them. I'm not going to let you disrupt other people." It makes her slow down and look, and think about the consequences of her actions. We have taken a brief restaurant hiatus though, the 2 year old stage has been tough.