Food for thought...

[houseelf]

I was just wondering what developmental milestones you all are going through right now and how you are coping. We are going through another stage that feels all-encompassing. Yet after just four years of parenting, I have come to realize that this too shall pass. I think that it would be interesting to hear what everyone else is struggling and succeeding with right now.

1) What is your biggest developmental challenge with your child(ren) right now?

2) What is your bigget developmental success with your child(ren) currently.

3) What do you know that you need to do better as a parent?

4) In terms of parenting, what have you recently started doing that seems to make a difference?

Kelly

[houseelf]

1) What is your biggest developmental challenge with your child(ren) right now?

We are struggling with our four year old son's ...impulsiveness...for lack of a better word. He is constantly jumping, running, throwing, challenging, having listening problems... you get the drift. On some level, we realize that all of this is age appropriate, but it is hard to be patient with him sometimes. Anyone else survive this? It is very frustrating.

2) What is your bigget developmental success with your child(ren) currently. I can't really explain this better than this: alll of the sudden it seems like he *gets* things. He understands that words are comprised of letters and he values language, he independently takes care of his own needs from dressing to putting himself to sleep to pottying, swimming is finally more than a playgroup but a skill. It is like there is a universe of difference between the age of four and three.

3) What do you know that you need to do better as a parent? I have got to wean him off the TV. Recently, he has really increased his viewing time because I'm tired or I have to get stuff done and he plays independently less.

4) In terms of parenting, what have you recently started doing that seems to make a difference? I refuse to make a second child-friendly dinner anymore!

Kelly

[HeartRN]

Well, even though Keelin is only 8 months old, she is REALLY changing quickly.

1. The biggest developmental challenge is that she wants to touch EVERYTHING. I know this is totally appropriate, but it's tough when you live in a house that looks like a tornado. She is especially interested in Daddy's computer wires, etc! I want her to know those things aren't safe without dwelling on it/saying "no" excessively.

2. As far as a developmental success, she is advancing verbally so much it is sometimes frightening! Her dad comes into the room and she says "Hah Dada" (Hah apparently="hi"), She can also hold herself up when she is standing beside a coffee table or whatever. YIKES! 8O

3. I need to start providing her with a little more consistency as far as routines go--naps, etc. This is especially challenging when we have no set schedule to start with! ( I work 3 twelve hour shifts, she goes to daycare, but the shifts aren't on consistent days!)

4. I try to give Keelin at least 1 hour of "sling time" each day I have off of work (4 of 7). She LOVES being close to me in the sling, plus, she can breastfeed there or take a nap, too. And it's comfy for both of us. I think she sleeps better at night when she's had that time close to me during the day.

I can't imagine what 3 or 4 will be like! Your little guy sounds pretty amazing. Have any pics? If you go to keelinfisher.com you can see my little baldy hamming it up. Thanks for the interesting post!

Marla

[SueC]

1) What is your biggest developmental challenge with your child(ren) right now?
With Syd, it is getting her to stop screaming and freaking out when she needs something or is frustrated by something. Unfortunately she has inherited my frustration tolerance, or lack thereof. I'm trying to calmly suggest that she ask me for help when she needs it instead of responding to her screaming and carrying on by screaming myself. With Maya, we're trying to help her not get all emotional whenever she is disciplined, especially by her father. If he raises her voice at her, her feelings get hurt and she starts to cry. She is a pretty sensitive child, but I think its a tad manipulative when she cries whenever she gets yelled at because then dh ends up consoling her. With Mitchell, I'd love to get him to be less fussy in the evenings, but there really isn't anything I can do about it at this age (he's only 7 weeks) so I'm just carrying him around when he's fussy and slinging him when I need my arms.

2) What is your bigget developmental success with your child(ren) currently. The girls are doing fantastic whenever I take all 3 kids out. I can run multiple errands withuot Syd darting into the parking lot and they generally are getting along well when we are out. I'm making sure to give them lots of positive reinforcement and telling them how proud I am of them when they behave so well and how much I enjoy taking then out when everybody gets along. Also, when I've got some phone calls to make, if I set the girls up with an activity beforehand, and let them know I need to make 2 phone calls and then will be back downstairs, they for the most part are not disturbing me. I can't take advantage of it, and have to quit when I've said I will quit and devote some time to them--otherwise they'd grow wise to my empty promises and it would all go out the window. One last thing--they have adjusted really well to having a new brother. So far, no aggression towards the baby or me.

3) What do you know that you need to do better as a parent? I am forever working on keeping my cool when somebody is having a meltdown or when they aren't behaving. I think I've gotten better, but I still find myself raising my voice too often and threatening spankings (and then adminsitering them if that doesn't work) and I just feel myself getting tense when they are screwing around instead of picking up their toys. I've got this inner dialogue going reminding myself to stay calm but sometimes I still lose it.

4) In terms of parenting, what have you recently started doing that seems to make a difference? Well, the inner dialogue thing is helping, especially when I think about it beforehand. For instance when it's time for them to clean their room I remind myself before they even start that I'm not going to lose it. Positive reinforcement, of course, since they definitely thrive on praise. Lowering my standards, especially when it comes to picking up toys. I'm a bit of a perfectionist, when it comes to that. When it comes to the baby, I try not to always put him first. For instance if he is crying and I'm in the middle of doing something with the girls, I'll tell the baby that I will be with him as soon as I finish doing whatever with the girls. He of course doesn't understand that but I think it helps the girls to hear me say that. I don't let him cry for more than a minute or two, but at least the girls don't feel like the minute he cries I'm going to run to his side and forget about them.

1) What is your biggest developmental challenge with your child(ren) right now?

Well, with Drew(4yo), we are dealing with the same things that you are Kelly. I think alot of it can be attrributed to weather as well. He is filled with energy, but is having a hard time realizing that we can't just run and jump on everything all the time! With Colton(13mths), we are still working on just physical development, we had a B&D appt yesterday and they actually told us that we don't have to come back unless we feel it is needed, so that is a HUGE emotional high for us. He is trying hard to get the balance to start walking add that with his sudden "clingy-ness" and throwing some tremendous fits, I would say that is our biggest challenge right now with him.

2) What is your bigget developmental success with your child(ren) currently.

With Drew it is just getting him to realize that he can't pet every dog in the neighborhood. We had a big scare the day we moved into the apartment, two dogs-not on leashes, of course, ran at him and one tried to knock him down. He didn't realize that they were just overly excited and he ran, making it fun for them, worse for him. So, that was a hard lesson learned.
With Colton, he is really getting simple sign language down along with some words and that is making a huge difference in us getting along!!

3) What do you know that you need to do better as a parent?

I need to work on my patience- I have found myself just becoming frustrated at the smallest things.....have to work on taking a breath and letting it be. As far as direction for the boys, I think that they are in a place right now that is pretty good......tomorrow may be another story!

4) In terms of parenting, what have you recently started doing that seems to make a difference?

We have recently gotten rid of any television that can't be picked up with rabbit ears. That has made a big difference in Drew's TV time and in turn he is more active with his toys, us, and his brother.
With Colton, we aren't really doing anything different we have to keep challenging him to try and walk and talk to him as though he understands everything we are saying to him.

[mommax3]

1) What is your biggest developmental challenge with your child(ren) right now?

With Luke, (9) we are starting to expect him to do more chores around the house.....emptying the dishwasher, loading the dishwasher, vaccuming, cleaning the bathroom, putting away clean laundry, and being responsible for keeping his room clean are the main things. We are also trying to train him to "see" work that needs to be done, instead of having to be told. Joel (6) is working hard this summer on writing and other fine motor activities, and I am also trying to read with him each day. I should be working with Nathan (2.5) on potty-training, but I haven't gotten psyched up enough to go for it yet.

2) What is your bigget developmental success with your child(ren) currently.

Getting my oldest to watch his tone when he is talking to Joel.....Luke can be a real put-down artist! Yesterday, though, he started in and I said "think about how you sound" and he changed almost immediately. We have been working on this one for about 3 months and I was starting to think I would never see any progress.

3) What do you know that you need to do better as a parent?

I need to stop constantly looking for opportunities to have "me time" during the day, and stop communicating to my kids that they are an interruption to my life. I always need to work on developing patience, and I need to keep my snotty-mouth tendencies under control so I don't set a bad example for my boys.....see #2!

4) In terms of parenting, what have you recently started doing that seems to make a difference?

Three things, two of which my husband and I came up with during our getaway last week. First of all, I am getting up earlier and having some "quiet time" before the kids get up.....I read a little and pray a little and generally try to get my attitude adjusted before the craziness starts. It has helped me A LOT since I have been doing it.....I seem to be able to retain my sense of perspective in the midst of whatever chaos occurs much more easily than before.
Secondly, my husband has made a committment to spend one-on-one time with our oldest every day if at all possible. They walk the dog after supper, do dishes together, whatever....but I think it means a lot to Luke. My part of that is that I need to keep the two younger ones happy and distracted in order to allow DH and Luke to have that time. Mostly I have been reading to them, something I previously didn't do enough of anyway. I don't know if it is my oldest's age or the fact that DH was gone (residency) much of the time starting when Luke was 2 until he was 6, but they can really clash and rub each other the wrong way at times, and a lot of times those clashes have been due to misunderstandings and impatience. So this has been good for both of them.
The thrid thing I thought of Sunday as we drove from KS back to TX, to encourage good behavior and obedience with the two oldest. I wrote each of their names on a SOLO cup and every morning I put 8 quarters in each cup. (We have a ton of change in jars so I am just searching through it every morning for quarters.) Any time one of them does something they shouldn't, argues, talks back, or whines in any way, has to be asked twice to do something, or is mean to a sibling, they lose a quarter. Whatever is left in their cup by the end of the day, they can keep. Next week, they will only get 6 quarters at the beginning of the day, and the week after that, only 4......hope my quarter stash holds out! It only takes 21 days to make a new habit, right? So I am hoping that after three weeks, we will have some new good habits in place.....me too, because I have been guilty of letting their misbehavior slide and with this system, I am on it right away! It has been working wonders so far, especially with the whining and arguing after I tell them to do something.

Good questions, Kelly!

Sally

[Phoebe]

1) What is your biggest developmental challenge with your child(ren) right now? The biggest developmental challenge we are facing is also impusiveness. Although normal, our 2.5 year old is constantly running, jumping, climbing, or galloping. I think she is a kinestethic learner. We put her in gymnastics to try and channel her energy and she got kicked out! They felt the class would be overwhelming to her because she wandered off. We have a hard time getting her to pay attention or follow directions. When I give directions, she says "huh" like 5 times. It drives me crazy! She also runs away when we are trying to go somewhere or get dressed. She tries to hide and gives us a hard time about getting anything done unless she is motivated to do so. She is constantly beebopping around. There isn't much challenge for our 8 month old, we are trying to encourage crawling. Why I don't know. Two mobile children will be more work for me!

2) What is your bigget developmental success with your child(ren) currently.
Avery has really caught on to potty training and we are working on her telling us when she has to go. If we weren't so busy, we may try underwear. She has also become more independent and wants to do things on her own like put on her own shoes. She has taken lots of pride in the things she can accomplish. It is neat to see. Ella has become very verbal saying Mama, Baba and Num num. Strangely, she has not said Dada yet. She has said the sound for Hi a couple months now. I think she will develop verbal skills quicker than motor.

3) What do you know that you need to do better as a parent?
Where do I start. I feel like a failure lately. A couple things I am working on is spending more quality time with our oldest and giving her more positive reinforcement. Overall, I need more patience and keep my expectations realistic. Also, I need to remind myself that I have my own parenting style and I don't have to do things as perhaps my mother or MIL thinks I should. More time to myself would be helpful to keep me sane too.

4) In terms of parenting, what have you recently started doing that seems to make a difference? Giving more positive reinforcement has helped including giving stickers for positive behavior like using the potty and getting buckled into the car seat. Compromising, trying to stay consistent and giving more choices has helped us see some positive results in Avery's behavior.

jennifer

[Flynn]

1) What is your biggest developmental challenge with your child(ren) right now?

Dealing with a very opinionated 20 month old. She was so easy to distract a month ago but now if she has her head on one thing (walking outside when it's not just raining, it's pouring) it's hard to get her to want to do anything else. I have heard the word NO far too often these past few weeks!

2) What is your bigget developmental success with your child(ren) currently.
Sleeping has never been an issue for us. She was sleeping through the night by the time she was 10 weeks old (with some effort on our part ). Now we are into counting and she can count up to three pretty easily which is really fun in a pinch. I just start counting things and most of the time she is on board for that!

3) What do you know that you need to do better as a parent?
Respect that every kid has their own gifts. My daughter has always been pretty neat (not messy) so when we have other kids over and they suddenly smash grapes into my carpet, I need to remember that not every kid is neat, each have their own gifts, redirect them, and hopefully the parent will support me. The same thing goes for certain kids we know who wipe their runny noses on their coat and then wipe their coat on my couch!


4) In terms of parenting, what have you recently started doing that seems to make a difference?
Explaining things seems to help whether my daughter truly understands me or not. It's as if we are taking a small time out, I explain what we are going to do next, and she usually agrees if it's given to her this way. Another thing that helps is having a set (reasonably flexible) bedtime. Our daughter goes to bed between 7 and 7:30 every night unless there are relatives in town and we are out somewhere...then it might stretch to 8 or 8:30 but only if she's had a late nap.