We blew it

[PrincessFiona]

Thomas and I were texting about Zoe's growing weight problem. I forgot that my mini ipad was connected to my cell phone and she read all of the texts. She even google translated the German ones. The word fat was used 😱. What can I do? This is not the way I wanted to handle this.

Kris


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[rainbabies]

We blew it

Maybe you can try to explain your concern for her health? That you two were just trying to come up with a way to have a healthier life style? I'm sorry this happened. Weight issues with kids (especially girls) is tough. Our youngest is built like a brick shit house. She's not fat but just solid. She's bigger and stronger than her older siblings. In the last month has had a growth spurt. She's taller, thinner and growing into her curves. She looks great, actually.
Would Amanda be able to talk to Zoe about it? Amanda is tiny, tho...🤔and maybe that wouldn't go over too well? Not sure how good their relationship is.
I have discussed with my youngest my own struggle with weight over the years. I don't struggle now but I did until about 5-6 years ago. She was more willing to listen to me that way. Also, I spoke to her about being more fit/strong than "thin". She's a great little cheerleader and can flip herself around like crazy lol


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[gcuthbe1]

How old is she? Is there another adult or young adult in your family who could speak to her to give a good perspective and who she might listen to/ make her feel better? Sometimes it's the messenger and not the message when it comes to teen girls and parents.

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[PrincessFiona]

She's 11. This all started when her pediatrician this summer told her she needed to lose weight. She had been sensitive already because her peers made comments, but since then asks constantly if she's fat. She is. We tell her no and try to focus on health but she has stretch marks on her bottom and breasts and it worries me. For better or worse, I caved and told her she was not fat but was a little overweight. I suggested we snack less. All the while, I praised her for how beautiful she is on the inside and out. I hate that it came out this way.


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[ides]

Lots of girls gain weight around 11,12,13. It usually evens out around 16. Especially if they are active. I'm sorry. It's a difficult time. Try to make it a family health move. Express it's a family issue that you all need to work on. Hugs

[Phoebe]

My almost 11 is considered obese by BMI. She is at the top of the charts and equal for height and weight percentages. She is built like my husband (apple body). It is difficult to find clothes that are stylish and fit. She does have an appetite. It is hard to watch her have a negative body image. My kid plays three sports at a time. She does don't lack exercise. She is good at them too. We have talked about serving sizes, portions and only eating until you are full. We throw healthy choices in there, as well. I try to role model healthy eating. It is hard to restrict a kid since they could develop unhealthy habits. The polar opposite is my 14 year old who is obsessed with being skinny. She is underweight. She talks about how fat she is compared to others. She is very tall and thin so she compares herself to other girls in her class who are tiny. It is a delicate balance for girls.


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[Vanquisher]

This is difficult. Alexia was soft and overweight at 11 too. I think she still would be if she wasn't swimming 2 hours a day.



These pics are 2 years apart.

Her weight corrected as she was very active, but I agree with a family health approach and talk. Is there a sport she would enjoy as well, or family walks?

[rainbabies]

We blew it

How's it going [MENTION=816]PrincessFiona[/MENTION]


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[peggyfromwastate]

Our pediatrician said something about weight to my middle daughter at that age. What a disaster. Please, just don't.

My youngest is 9 and starting the puberty/breasts starting to bud etc. She's got an apple shape and is CONSTANTLY told she's fat by her peers. She loves snacking and eats plenty, but she's still growing and the body is storing up fats.

I have been telling her for ages that if the DOCTOR says she's overweight then we can talk about dieting, etc. So if her doctor does say something next visit... ugh.

I'm sorry. It sucks. They are growing though, and their bodies change a lot right now.

And EVERY girl in America feels too fat. I hate our focus on fat.

[PrincessFiona]

I hate our focus on it too. Zoe is still sensitive to what we said so we've really walked it back. She told me that kids in her class as well as siblings have called her fat. She is very chubby. She notices it in pictures. How to address it without hurting her?


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[Meenah]

I'm so sorry Kris. I have no advice. Do you or Thomas know any of the counselors from the hospital eating disorders unit? If you do, they may be able to help you navigate this difficult issue.

[Meenah]

I'm not saying it is an eating disorder, but the counselors have so much experience in all of the grey areas.

[PrincessFiona]

I'm so sorry Kris. I have no advice. Do you or Thomas know any of the counselors from the hospital eating disorders unit? If you do, they may be able to help you navigate this difficult issue.

I looked into it. They aren't accepting new patients and it looks like a year before something woyld open up. I do have her seeing the school counselor.


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[SoonerTexan]

I wish I had something helpful to say. This topic is so hard. I remember my grandmother (the bitchy one) remarking on how much weight I had gained (I was still at a healthy weight then) when I saw her for a visit in 8th grade and it still stings. So hard. I'm already terrified of how to handle healthy eating and exercise with my own daughter.

[JDAZ11]

We blew it

I wish I had something helpful to say. This topic is so hard. I remember my grandmother (the bitchy one) remarking on how much weight I had gained (I was still at a healthy weight then) when I saw her for a visit in 8th grade and it still stings. So hard. I'm already terrified of how to handle healthy eating and exercise with my own daughter.

I thought I had responded... I had similar experiences around puberty with my mom and grandparents. I also wasn't fat looking back. I wasn't as thin as I had been - or as thin as my mom wanted me to be, but who has that perspective at 11 or 12? I sure don't know anyone!!!

Plus I think it is so hard to lose weight at that point. And you don't really understand your cycle and how you are hungrier and can't lose easily during the second half of the month (if your cycle happens to be super regular).

Anyway, I think there is still some deep emotional scaring from that point in my life... I may have brought up with my mom like 100!times.... BUT ultimately, I'm ok. So don't worry too much. It's not that uncommon - and I have no idea how any girl parent manages to raise a child with a healthy body image today.... (I'm sure there are some big issues waiting for me too, but it seems like a bigger issue for girls). So big hugs. It's a huge issue. I'm surprised there aren't parenting books on the subject... I bet there must be.


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