I Need A Break!

[MrsK]

Any other SAH parents dread the weekend? All week long, I do all the shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, homework, nagging....And it just triples on the weekend. Then, when the dawkter is home, he's even more stir crazy and demanding than the kids. Constantly announcing he's running out for a haircut or to go to the gym or because he has a craving for sweet and sour soup. Leaving me with the kids, of course. And all day he's asking what's for lunch, what's for dinner. I feel like I can't relax in my house. Sleeping in, wearing my pjs all day, reading a book are just not options. I can only relax if I leave the house all together, in which case I come home to mountains of chores. Inevitably, I end up feeling stressed and resentful, shouting at my family, and then feeling guilty and depressed. How do I break the cycle? How do I get a break on the weekends?

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[JDAZ11]

I hate the weekend. Hate it. But my DH being home helps. It just almost never happens. Ditto on everything else.


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[Thirteen]

Any other SAH parents dread the weekend? All week long, I do all the shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, homework, nagging....And it just triples on the weekend. Then, when the dawkter is home, he's even more stir crazy and demanding than the kids. Constantly announcing he's running out for a haircut or to go to the gym or because he has a craving for sweet and sour soup. Leaving me with the kids, of course. And all day he's asking what's for lunch, what's for dinner. I feel like I can't relax in my house. Sleeping in, wearing my pjs all day, reading a book are just not options. I can only relax if I leave the house all together, in which case I come home to mountains of chores. Inevitably, I end up feeling stressed and resentful, shouting at my family, and then feeling guilty and depressed. How do I break the cycle? How do I get a break on the weekends?

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Make a list for the store or stores, give him a location to go to for play with the kids, and tell him you want 4-6 hours alone in your house to rest.


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[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Make a list for the store or stores, give him a location to go to for play with the kids, and tell him you want 4-6 hours alone in your house to rest.


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This. I think you need to be super specific and facilitate what you want. Kids dressed and sent out of the house with him at 9 AM (or whatever time works for you). You then sit and drink coffee and read a book for a full hour before doing any chores. If he can’t handle the kids alone, have a sitter meet him out.

I know it’s hard. But if you don’t prioritize yourself at all, I imagine you’ll be too exhausted to take care of anyone else.


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[MrsK]

Make a list for the store or stores, give him a location to go to for play with the kids, and tell him you want 4-6 hours alone in your house to rest.


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See, I feel like that says I don't want to spend time with them at all. I just want to be able to relax and enjoy my family on the weekends. Can't they help around the house? Or say please?

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[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Sure they can. Unfortunately though, I think you’ll have to set that expectation and follow up with being direct about what you want. And expect push back and whining. But of course over time, the pattern can change.

What’s the lowest hanging fruit? Saturday dinner tradition of ordering in? Doing a blitz cleanup from the time you order until food arrives?

I think it’s probably baby steps. But I personally also need alone time from my screaming children bc I’m an introvert.


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[Thirteen]

See, I feel like that says I don't want to spend time with them at all. I just want to be able to relax and enjoy my family on the weekends. Can't they help around the house? Or say please?

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What you are describing sounds like an oxygen mask situation, and doesn’t have to be every weekend, all day long. You need some Mom respite care, and DrK (with written instructions and guidance) can totally give that to you. It’s okay to ask for what you need! I say you can do both - I find that even 2 hours in silence is incredibly restorative. Usually a quick trip to the playground or a walk, followed by a short errand is enough to regain my outlook.


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[OrionGrad]

Being super direct has helped me. “I need 30 minutes to myself, I’m going to take a bath.” Or, “I’m going to Target by myself for a little while. Don’t forget Baby E’s nap starts in 30 minutes.”
I also hate that the house gets messier on the weekends. Haven’t found a solution to that one yet!

[SoonerTexan]

It's been a process, but when I need to just get out, I just tell him (ideally that morning or the day before) and I go. That's it. If we have nothing planned and are just hanging out, me just leaving (letting him know I'm going) is fair game. Honestly, we struggled with this for awhile and it is starting to get better recently. I pointed out how often he was gone to ride his bike and said it was fair to have even 1/2 that time to myself.

I've also started to ask him to do certain things (bike rides, errands like haircuts) during the early afternoon when possible. Nate still naps and I can get the older two to chill out and read or watch a show for awhile. I used to go during that time and it was stupid because I was skipping out on a easy break!

Someone I know here said she will tell her husband to just take the kids to McDonalds on a Sat morning so she can sleep in a little. That would be a great place for DrK to start--all he has to do is buy them food and make sure no one escapes the play area.

[SoonerTexan]

Also, does the gym have childcare? He can take them with...

[MrsK]

Also, does the gym have childcare? He can take them with...

Limited childcare and he has to take at least one along when he goes.

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[Vishenka69]

I hate weekends too. I look forward to Mondays, it's my favorite day of the week.

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[MarissaNicole]

Can you add a little more routine to the weekend? DH always takes the kids in the morning and lets me sleep in. He feeds the breakfast and gets a little quality time with them? What about giving DrK specific tasks. Like feed them breakfast. Clean up breakfast. Get them dressed. And if you run errands certain tasks to be done while your gone. Like help with laundry or homework? Things to keep them creating more work when you return?


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[MrsK]

We have martial arts and Sunday school most weekends so there is some structure. DrK works 2 weekends/month. He helps when he is home but it seems like there is never enough time to get to the fun weekend stuff. Just lots of chores and he's disappearing for his own stuff.

I've decided that the 12 hours/week Lambie is in school will be me time. I'm going to do what I want to do then and do what I have to do once she's home. Of course, that worked for Monday this week. I've got appointments every other morning for the next 2 weeks. Aaaah!

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[Cam]

I thought I was reading the story of my life, I have the exact dilemma. What I did is I hired a part-time helper, it really helps. I also make sure I have some alone time, I go out and pamper myself and go out with friends.