Help! I'm going crazy here!

[twinsmom]

Hey I need some advice. We just moved to Connecticut, and DH jumped right into orientation and now internship, so he has basically been handed a fully loaded support group for his job. I, on the other hand, left behind an incredible set of neighbors and friends and the most perfect job a mother could hope for (it dealt with my degree, helped me keep up my spanish, AND they let me bring my kids with me everywhere!!).
Since coming here, I have put in applications at some gyms to start teaching aerobics, and have done some checking around for dietetics positions, but I really have no desire to jump full force into a career here. Another twist - we will only be here for one year, then it's packing up and moving AGAIN for the rest of residency (so, why did we even bother unpacking here??).
Okay, here's my stress... so far I have just been home from sun up to sun down, alone with our two year-olds, and dealing with the nausia of a new pregnancy. One of our cars is in the shop, so DH has been taking the car to work with him, wich leaves my transportation to a double stroller and my feet. That's fine, however because we have absolutely NO money (we used up the last of the student loan, and DH hasn't gotten his first pay check. I get sick to my stomach when I think about our credit card debt that we racked up just moving here!).
This is the 5th day like this, and I am ready to PULL MY HAIR OUT. It doesn't help that DH and I got into a pretty big fight a couple of days ago, so on his day off (yesterday), he opted to AGAIN take the car and go to the library to study.
I really think I am going crazy. In Michigan I had things to do almost everyday. It was just teaching seminars or aerobics classes, so it wasn't going to a full time job, but it got me out enought to socialize with other people and have my own outlet.
I thought I would LOVE being home ALL day with the kids, but I find myself physically counting down to their nap time, and DREADING the moment that they wake up. I tried to do some stimulating activities, but ran out of steam about 10 minutes into it. So far our activities have been reading books, coloring (in color books, on the floor, the fridge, the stove, and the washer ), counting in spanish, and then just snuggling in front of the TV.
HELP!! What are some other things that we can do to help pass the time and help my kids not turn into couch potatoes?? We have a little playground by our house and we have walked there every day to play a little, but our neighborhood is... hmmm... how do I put this nicely.... in the GHETTO!!
What are some activities that you have found worked well with your kids, and still kept your sanity in tact? Thank you so much for your help!!

Jen B.

[fluffhead]

Jen,
I assume you're at Yale, living in the grad ghetto?
Get in touch with the spouses association at Yale - there are lots of other people who are in the same boat as you, and they're your NEIGHBOURS!
How cool is that?
Even if it won't solve any economic hardship issues, it'll give you some socialization and adult conversation.
Meanwhile, enjoy the thunderstorms tonight!

Jen,

Sorry to hear about your tough transition. I haven't been in your place, so I don't really know what advice to give you, but I'll try to think of something. I think DH really needs to help you out here. If there's nothing organized for spouses of the interns, then he should ask his new coworkers about their families and introduce you to them. I'm sure there are others just as eager to meet up.

When do you get the car back? Maybe you can find summer reading activities at the library for the kids or other places to spend time.

It'll get better soon!

[SueC]

I'm sorry to hear that you're having such a hard time right now! I remember the adjustment during the first few months of internship to be rough without kids so I can't even imagine how you feel having twins to care for AND being pregnant! My heart goes out to you. I hope your car is fixed soon so that you can get out and I liked Fluffhead's idea of contacting the spouse program (or whatever he called it). I hope things improve for you soon--don't feel too guilty about popping a video in for the twins to get some time to yourself. My kids watched more TV than they should have while I was pregnant, but when you are feeling crappy there aren't a lot of options.

[PrincessFiona]

Jen,

Our first year of residency was like this...we only had one car and we had a 17 month old and a 6 week old. For the first several months I felt like I was losing my mind. Something that helped me was driving my husband to work a few days a week so that I had the car. It meant packing up the kids early in the am and driving him there and back...and picking him up later, but it did give me the freedom to go and explore a little bit and do some things with the kids.

I tried out different parks where there were a lot of moms and that is how I pretty much started out building up contacts. We also had some indoor play places (not McDonalds...these were the kidszone kind of things where you paid $3/child to get in). I went there once a week simply to have coffee and chat with the other moms. It was a great way to get to know other moms, get out of the house (so the walls didn't feel like they were closing in on me).

Also, if you join a gym, most of them have free childcare. I know you are early on in your pregnancy and so you wouldn't be able to workout too hard...but you might be able to get in a nice walk on the treadmill while the girls play with other children.

Hang in there...we're here for you.

kris

[Sheherezade]

I know how you feel. I am another that had small kids, no money, no car and an overworked intern spouse. Here's my sanity advice until you get plugged in with some friends in the neighborhood.

SAHM sanity: To make a long stretch of time managable, make a weekly schedule for yourself and the kids when they are sleeping or your spouse is around and you can think clearly. I like to do a rough outline of my life at home--I need some structure or it just drags on!! I sometimes loosely tell myself that Monday is Park day, Tuesday is Arts and Crafts, Wednesday is cooking, Thursday is science experiment, Friday is a walking (or driving) adventure (ice cream, library,browsing the bookstore, a pool?). After that, I plan out some basic activity. If it falls through, so what? Plan B can be just hanging out. At least you have a plan for the day.
If I am just dealing on a daily basis with "hanging out", I found it very helpful to tell the kids WHEN I was going to play with them and for how long. We had "morning game", "after lunch game", and the ever popular "last game" before we started a bedtime routine. I would sit down and play for 30-60 minutes each time without interruption. All told it was 1.5-3 hours of play time a day, but my friends thought I was mother of the year . In between organized game times, my kids entertained themselves or did stuff with minimal mommy attention. It made my life easier because I don't really mind playing, but I can't stand playing ALL DAY like the kids would choose. I've just got to know I can break free for a cup of tea or some "adult" thinking. Sad isn't it?
Finally, meeting people. Try the library story hours if you can get there. Also, some communities have parent group supports, playgroups etc announced on toy store windows and in the pediatric practices. You could check local houses of worship--they often host playgroups too. If the playground doesn't have people, maybe there is another nearby? Or is there a community pool? As for ADULTS.......I would personally try book groups or hobby based stuff as a first assault. I hope you find a perfect job situation, but if you don't consider volunteering. That could plug you in and keep you stimulated for your year in CT. Good luck!! I'm sure things will look up once you are more settled in.

Angie

[Cumberland]

I am with you in spirit down here in Georgia.... today is the first day of residency. I dont know a single person here, it seems like a really small southern town where everyone grew up here together ( gross exaggeration for sure). I know in a few months I will have met people and gotten involved in things, but for now I am facing 80 hours a week of time to fill. We have absolutely no money for a babysitter, none for a mommy and me class, nothing at least til a few paychecks come in. I am trying to stay busy in the house to stave off depression. I promised myself that I wouldnt go visit family ( 4-5 hrs away) for awhile bc i tend to use that as an outlet for not getting involved in anything. Ok, I am not helping at all here, but reading the other posts helped me.

[Phoebe]

How is it going Jen? Are you having lots of morning sickness? I have been thinking of you. Wish I was closer.

Jennifer

[twinsmom]

Thank you so much for all of your help!! Your posts helped me so much. Things are actually getting better. I hit the bottom a few days ago, and am now getting over it and getting out and about with the kids. I got the car for a few days and we drove around to get to know some things. We signed up for some library reading/singing classes and have gone exploring to different parks. Fluff - I WISH we were in graduate ghetto, but we are in then ACTUAL ghetto - about 15 minute drive away from all of the people who live there. We actually know quite a few of the people who live there from church and I am so jealous that all they have to do is open their door and they are next to people in their same position .
As for the kids, they are getting a lot more acclimated and DH has had a few days with a little bit of a relaxed schedule so we actually got to sit up and watch TV together after the kids went down - not exactly the bahama get-away, but it's amazing how much just being able to snuggle for a few minutes can lift the spirits .
With the pregnancy - morning (and noon, and night...) sickness has hit FULL FORCE. I have a doctors appointment today, so I will finally get some concret information - due date, etc. I'm hoping there is an ultra sound machine in the office so that we can be able to tell for sure if it is just one. That is my big stress right now... being able to know FOR SURE that there is just one in there.
Well, I better get going. So much to clean, so little time while the little ones are sleeping...
Have a good one!

Jen B.

[fluffhead]

Oh sorry to hear that Jen. Well if it's any consolation, I'm gonna become a shutin myself pretty soon, so we can commiserate over the long cold CT winter.

[PrincessFiona]

Jenn...

Did they have an u/s machine


Fluff....are you going to be teaching again in the Fall?

kris

[fluffhead]

Fluff....are you going to be teaching again in the Fall?

no - it's a long story, and basically ended up with lots of bad feeling between myself and the school, but final answer is no. which is a mixed blessing - I was feeling very ambivalent about leaving the new baby, and I would have had to prepare 2 new courses.

[mommax3]

Fluff....

I have been meaning to ask.....how long before the baby arrives? Is everything going well?

Sally

[fluffhead]

(apologies - I didn't mean to take over this thread)
official due date is aug 5 - 3 weeks away. wife has been feeling wiped out, and call doesn't help, so I don't know if she'll make it to the due date. My 2yo is starting to regress a little, wanting to play in the crib, etc. It's gonna be wild around here.