Do you ever lose that baby yearning?

[Phoebe]

My baby is 9 months old. I am so sad to think that in 3 months she won't be an infant anymore. I was dropping off some of our baby stuff to a friend to borrow and I was really sad parting with it. I love babies! They are a lot of work, but it is bittersweet seeing them grow up. What does that mean? I would be crazy to even think of having another child right now. We are on the fence about a third, plus I am no spring chicken! I just love babies, especially mine!

Jennifer

[houseelf]

Yes, I'd love to hear an answer to this one too!

We should be able to say, we are done. We will have one of each and yet I can't bear to think that this is the last baby that I will ever bring home from the hospital. I know that we talk about this all the time, but does one ever really lose that baby hunger?

Kelly

Before I was pregnant a friend of mine said the saddest day in her life would be when she knew there were no more babies coming. At the time I had no idea what she meant. Now that my daughter is ten months old, I can't believe we don't have another one on the way already and I can't imagine making the decision to not have another.

I don't think baby hunger ever goes away. Just think of how much joy grandparents and great-grandparents get out of a little one. I can't even begin to count how many times strangers at the store come over to play with my daughter saying they have grandkids that live too far away to see more than twice a year and they need a baby fix.

Its just something we have to live with, I guess!

[mommax3]

I saw my newest nephew a couple weekends ago (6 months old, cute, fat, smiley, and a totally easy baby, according to his parents......they recently took him to INDONESIA and had no problems!) and felt some sadness that I wouldn't be having another......but the same weekend, we were able to stay at Six Flags from opening until closing, go to a water park where EVERYONE had fun (i.e. mom didn't have to try to find a place where she could nurse discreetly in a swimsuit) and we generally very much enjoyed our weekend, knowing all the while that it would not have been possible (for us with the babies we produce, anyway) if we had another little one.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I am getting glimpses of the next stage beyond the baby-making stage.....I have really been enjoying my boys this summer and haven't felt pulled in quite so many directions. Things are starting to get a little easier as Nathan is moving out of the toddler stage. Previously. when my youngest child has been the age that Nathan is currently (almost three), I am expecting another baby, and I have to admit that it feels liberating to know that on a certain level, the physical demands of parenting are lessening for good!

As we look forward to moving in a year and having more money, I am very excited about traveling with my brood and showing them as much of the world as we can manage....museums, concerts, landmarks, etc. So now that I am through the angst of the decision to stop having babies, I am seeing the benefits of life on the other side.

I am still glad I have three, though, so maybe you two should give it another go......

Only you can decide this one, but I am here to tell you that there is still lots of joy in parenting even when your baby days are over.

Sally

I am for one happy to know that there will not be anymore. My youngest is 3 1/2 and I think for me after having my tubes tied ended my desire for more. I love babies and all but my oldest is 16 and bythe time my youngest is 18 he will be 31 8O Maybe I am old and tired of it already. I feel like I am 50 already and haven't even gotten close to the teenage years with two girls. Another child would probably send me over the edge.

[SueC]

I've been wondering the same thing so I'm glad those of you who are at that point feel pretty good about your decision. I was ready for dh to go get fixed after baby #3 came along, partially because I thought if I knew that chapter was closed I wouldn't spend any time enternaining the idea of another baby and could head off any yearnings for another one. DH has a co-worker that is expecting their 6th child and their family is so neat to be around (the dad brought the kids into work the other day briefly) that he decided he isn't ready to make a final decision just yet (this coming from the man who had to be talked into baby#3!). So our plan is to get done with fellowship and see how we feel when the baby turns a year old. Right now, though, I really don't think I want another baby, as much as I adore Mitchell. He is our first (kind of) easy baby and is at that cuddly stage where he just stares at me and smiles with this look of adoration on his face. Part of me can't imagine never going through this again and part of me wants to get out of the baby stage and take some cool trips with the kids.

I was very sad last summer when we sold our baby crib. It seemed very final although the possibility still exists since nothing's been permanently altered in terms of reproductive organs go.

Every once in awhile I see a little baby who's oh so very cute and it makes me think, "awwwww...." but then I see my neighbor across the street with 4 kids and the youngest is a baby. She's so frazzled all the time and always talking about needing a break. I feel sorry for her, really, partially also because one of her children is special needs (autistic) so she really does need a break! So I see that and think, okay, that's not where I want to be.

I think I'm at peace with not wanting to have any more babies. Even when I see them now, I already forget what to do with them! But I do think about how my youngest who's about to turn 4 is so big already and he's losing those cute cuddly pinchable baby cheeks. I'm really gonna miss those!

[Flynn]

I must say I can't relate at all. I loved being a first time parent, but things are ONLY getting better and I DO NOT miss a minute of my daughter being an infant.

#2 is on the way and I wish I could just skip pregnancy, delivery, and the first 6 months!!! I will love our second child to the max ... am really looking forward to when he/she is walking and we can do more activities he/she can participate in!

I LOVE toddlers!!!!!! I am having so much fun right now!!!!

[PrincessFiona]

When Alex turned 3 and started preschool here I remember sitting in the church auditorium trying to listen to the school director talk about what we would expect this year...I could barely hear her over the cries of the new babies and the shrieks of the toddlers who kept escaping and running up the pews. I remember thinking "Thank GOD we're done with that". At that time, I just knew that we were 'done'. I didn't feel as sad as I thought I would, though I did mourn the loss and think about the fact that it meant the end to that chapter in my life.

Fast forward two years and here we are with a baby about to turn 8 months old who is crawling all over and is pullin g himself up on anything including the vacuum cleaner...and I am loving it for the most part. I didn't think that I could go back and yet in many ways I feel like a first-time mom again. I feel pretty sure that we are 'done' now, but I haven't been able to take his cradle etc to the second hand shop yet......I'm back to feeling sad that this is 'it' though I recognize how truly fortunate and blessed I am...I really, really am. I'm glad that our family is this big .... there is a part of me that would love to have that whole "Eight is enough" thing happening (but just thinking about how munch laundry that would entail is birth control enough )

Here's sort of a flipside question...is there anyone here planning on /hoping to have a big family?

kris

Good question Kris! DH and I have different views on this. I think three or four is perfectly reasonable. HE thinks we should have EIGHT 8O 8O and then see if we want more.

Now I don't want to sound like a mean wife, but really, having eight kids would be MUCH more difficult on me than it would on him, and I'm not sure he considers that. Sure pregnancy was easy for me the first time around. Doesn't mean I want to do it more than eight times! And yes, our daughter is definately in the 'easy baby' category. But he is not home with her all day every day. And just because she is laid back now doesn't mean that she will always be. And really eight 'easy' babies sounds pretty scary to me. I know by the time you get to eight, the oldest is old enough to help out, but yikes, that is a lot of kids!! We definately have more talking to do!

[DCJenn]

Maybe this comes from not actually being pregnant and delivering but I can tell you that once we go get Stoli- that's it. Done, done, done.

I have never wanted more than one, and thankfully my husband agrees. (we couldn't afford to adopt more than one anyway- not at $20,000 a pop!) I have also again, thankfully, not needed to be pregnant. Once we're done with a stage we'll just have to move on to the next one! We will also miss the newborn stage, which although developmentally I'd like to be a part of, in reality, little tiny newborns kind of give me the willies. I much prefer toddlers and watching their little devious minds figure stuff out.

It's an interesting topic for sure though!

Jenn

PS- you know, what is super annoying though? It's the people who sasy, "oh but you'll want anther one once you have that little baby home." Jeez- let me get the first one, people. Of course, these are the same people who tell me that I'll get pregnant as soon as we complete the adoption. Riiiiiight.

[PrincessFiona]

Jenn,

It never fails to amaze me what people will say..... 8O .....that also reminds me of the comments on the opposite side where if you have more than 2 children you are trying to fill some void in your life...or the great "don't you two know how to prevent that yet" statements that are sort of half-joking/half serious.

Shella,

I think 8 is enough is a nice fantasy....but I can't even imagine having 8 children...forget laundry...how would we ever give them that individual 'special' time? I have had this romantic notion about having a large family since I was little...first watching the tv show Eight is Enough (ok...tv is NOT reality...I never saw that mom doing laundry!!!) and then one of my best friends in high school was the baby of eight.....her life (and that of her twin sister) was just soooo neat. She has tons of brothers and sisters around pestering her all of the time (which she pretended to hate... ). Their house was always loud, chaotic, messy and full of excitement (or so it seemed to me). There was always something going on and I thought it was just great....

Of course, the mom DID seem pretty tired!!!

[PrincessFiona]

I've mulled over this one for awhile....that last comment was a real conversation stopper...I'll just say that I know plenty of 'educated' people with more than two children....I'd count my hubby's MD and my own 2 bachelor's degrees, post-bacc, and masters in mol. bio as being educated I'm sure that you didn't mean that comment in a negative way, but for those of us who thought we'd just have the standard 2 children, golden lab, white picket fence, etc. who ended up deviating from that plan it sort of was a surprising statement.

I feel very fortunate to have a husband who earns a salary that allows me to be at home much of the time even though I have my own education. I know many educated women who work full-time who would love to have more than one or two children but simply couldn't afford the childcare while they are working or would be unable to stay at home for financial reasons....

We all have to do what works out the best for us.


kris

[Flynn]

"alison_in_oh" I am confused by your most recent post. So are you coming from an environmental perspective to replace only yourselves and then adopt? Is it a numbers issue about what the planet can support physically?

OR

...are you making more of a classist assumption with the distinction between educated and uneducated?

My parents both have degrees above their BAs and I grew up in a family with three kids. From your perspective, is their choice to have more than two children and not adopt irresponsible?

I'm just curious...not offended by your comments and would like to hear more. I've just never heard anyone phrase what I think you are saying in this manner.

Well, I have to throw in a comment my DH once made: It is our responsiblity as educated people and contributing members of society to have as many kids as possible in order to make this world a better place!

He was mostly joking when he said it, but he has a point. I guess we have a slightly different way of looking at things than alison_in_oh.