Spoiled Rotten

[PrincessFiona]

Did anyone catch the parenting special last night on Fox News with Judith Regann? Thomas and I sat down and watched it together. We decided that we're going to do some parenting goal-setting of our own. I think it made some great points...I'm just curious as to whether or not anyone else caught it and what you thought?

I thought the quote of the night was really "not every woman needs a child, but every child needs a mother" which begged a whole lot of other issues though. There was a great deal of discussion about sahm vs working moms and the state of the family in general.

kris

[SueC]

I missed it--was it about raising spoiled children? We read an article in Newsweek a month or so ago about spoiled children and we both really evaluated how we are doing. We decided while we are doing pretty good, there are some areas we could be less indulgent with our kids. It was a real eye opener. Wish I'd seen the show you were talking about. I love it when we watch something that causes dh and I to have a real dialogue about stuff like that.

It sounds like it was an interesting show. I wish I could have seen it.

Last night I watched 60 minutes and they had a segment about SAHMs. One of the guests on the show (a woman) was trying to argue that women who choose to stay at home are choosing that lifestyle because it is not challenging and does not require any brains. She basically said that women who choose to stay at home are stupid for selecting a life of dependence rather than remaining in the business world and that being a SAHM is the "easy road".

Now I don't have any children yet and I don't know if, when the time comes, I will be a SAHM, but boy this lady really pissed me off!

Erica

[PrincessFiona]

Well, the special was about children and setting limits, which I found to be great...it really opened up the communication between Thomas and I because I have been complaining bitterly about how messy our house is, etc. We have not been good about setting those kinds of limits for our children and the house looks like a pigsty! I am so burned out on picking up after them all of the time that I just can't stand to clean anymore...so now I'm in a 'let it all go' phase. I realized that I really need to make my children step up to the plate and take on some chores/tasks! We need to be clearer about expressing our expectations.

The physician (WHY can't I remember who HE was) got on though and basically talked about how women have chosen to work instead of be there for their children and that this is the main reason for things like school shootings, etc. I thought it was too bad that it put women in the position to have to defend their need to cultivate their own passions or interests or simply to work out of financial necessity. That being said, they also made some good points about why children right now really need at least one parent to be there.....It was interesting.

kris

[mommax3]

I wish I had seen both of those programs! Although as volatile as I have been lately, I probably would have broken the tv if I had heard that woman making the SAHM comments.

Now that I am working part-time, the hours that I spend in my classroom are by far the EASIEST hours of my day. I think the thing that feels easy about it is the fact that I am in control, even though I am still with children. There is a structure in place that does not begin and end with me, and it feels good to be a PART of that structure without having to be the one to totally maintain it.

Staying home with kids is a sacrifice on many different levels. It was and continues to be (although less so at this point) a financial sacrifice for us, especially early on.......and we are STILL paying for that sacrifice, via student loan payments. It has been an emotional drain on me many times, although when I had small babies, it would have been much MORE draining to leave them with someone else. It is physically very draining, moreso the older they get, due to the sheer amount of work it takes to keep a house running. Moms who have to work due to financial reasons......my hat is off to them. I am really juggling right now to teach 25 third graders social studies, (that's it! just one subject!) get my three kids where they need to go (school, soccer, piano, swimming, violin, preschool) and have them mostly prepared when they get there, keep the house and the endless laundry under control, plan meals for the week, hit the grocery store, and actually cook, make Target runs, keep the boys in clothes and shoes that fit, toilet train the youngest, help with homework, have conversations with my kids that don't begin with the words "Didn't I tell you....." spoken through gritted teeth, take care of the dog and the cats, kiss my husband once in a while and ask how he is doing, and try to maintain some sort of "me-time".

I guess there are women out there who feel like they are in their element and are very industrious as SAHMs......I need lessons from them! I have had too many days when I felt like my brain was turning to mush, while at the same time, I was almost crying with exhaustion. I would have loved to have had a job on those days so I could get some rest, pee by myself, and have a coherent thought or two. As I look back, though, I know I would not have been the parent that I have been (and I am a LONG way from perfect.....shooting for (and missing, many times) adequate would be a more accurate description!) had I been working full time. I am really struggling working part time!!!! But I love it and feel more like myself than I have for quite a while.......that's the conflict that I think most moms who have the luxury of a choice about this issue feel.

About spoiled kids.....we struggle with that around here, too, although things are better than they used to be. I need to get my kids on some kind of chore schedule....right now they do jobs when I ask them to, but it is so much easier and faster to do it myself that I don't ask them on a regular basis. They will have to pick up some of the slack, though, when we put the house on the market in February. Everytime I think about having to keep the house spotless on top of what I am already doing, I almost freak out. So maybe that will motivate me to get the boys on more of a chore schedule.

Sally

[Sheherezade]

I have tried the chore charts. They worked for a few months through the summer, but then the novelty was gone. I also wasn't crazy about the bribing factor for things I think they should just do ( put their shoes away, put dirty laundry in the hamper, bring dishes into the kitchen, blah blah....) Currently, I'm trying a FLylady like system with the kids. Major babysteps. I've picked the few things I really want them to do and built them into the morning/after-school/ and bedtime routines. That seems to drill them into their heads. Finally I have had some luck with combining a once a week room clean up with letting them get a big gooey dessert when we go out on Saturday afternoon (post soccer game ). They even work together on the playroom--a true miracle. I am afraid though that like the chore charts that strategy will fail when the reward becomes less exciting. (Personally, I am still waiting for gooey desserts to get less exciting to me!! ) .

Something I have considered trying is another Flylady kids thing--someone on that site reccomended dividing your kid's more hideous chores (the dreaded "Clean your room" ) up to just one thing a day--Monday, straighten your closet; Tuesday, clean up the desk; Wednesday, sweep the floor.....or some such thing. I think I might be able to make something like that work if it was just one thing a day. I DO know that asking them to do large ambiguous things always backfires---less is definitely more.


Angie

Angie