angry at teacher....let it go, or call?

[Sheherezade]

My kindergartener came home in tears today (again) because she had a bad day at school. She has art on Friday and they were making Indian thumb pots with clay. She recently broke her wrist (at school) and is in a cast on her right hand. She is right handed. Needless to say, she could not make a thumbpot. Apparently the teacher gave her a hard time for not following directions and remade her "art" at the end of class. Annie does not think the teacher noticed she had a cast and told me the teacher wouldn't let her talk--just told her to follow the directions. I have met the art teacher and volunteered with her. She is nice, but does seem flustered in a room full of kindergarteners. She also told me she has trouble with just letting them do their level of work, because she wants the work to "look good". I can completely see what my daughter tells me happening.

Annie has been having a rough time adjusting to the new school and that was only complicated when she broke her wrist there. Lately, she comes home from school crying every other day--so I could just write this incident off to her being so moody. Still, I'll admit I'm a little tee'd off at the art teacher for not even looking closely enough at my kid to realize she was physically unable to do the work. I'm also surprised her main teacher didn't give the art teacher a heads up. Clearly Annie could have spoken up more forcefully, but she's a shy 5 year old with a teacher telling her to be quiet. Should I call and complain? I really don't see it doing any good because her cast will be off by the next time she sees the art teacher in 3 weeks----still, I'm fuming. Advice?

Angie

[fluffhead]

For pete's sake, the girl is 5 years old, where does the teacher come off even talking about school"work" ?????
I'd give the teacher a piece of my mind. If she has trouble letting the kids do their own level of work, she has no business being a kindergarten teacher.
And the fact that she has no sympathy for you daughter's injury, or at least doesn't cut her some slack is inexcusable. (imho, of course )
I really think schools push these kids way too much way too early.
I'm more and more into montessori the more I see of the public school system.

I'd call. If it were me, I'd feel better that way. Though I'm not sure exactly what I would say. I'll leave that fun task to you! But probably something along the lines of -- just wanted to be sure you knew she is RIGHT handed and has a cast on her RIGHT arm; it will probably be off by the next art class but in case it's not, she will need some extra help.

[Sheherezade]

Thanks for the affirmation of my parental anger.........and the sneaky idea for letting them know I'm pissed Nellie! I was wondering exactly what I'd say. We are new here and the school is good, but honestly--my daughter broke her wrist at an assemby in front of a room full of people and no one checked it out .! They have apologized, an I do understand she's shy and didn't tell anyone she was hurting but come on. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm having a streak of bad luck (actually-my daughter, not me) or if they aren't paying very careful attention to my kid. After "the incident" I spoke with the teacher about keeping an eye out for what she can and can't do --because I knew she would have trouble making herself heard. I was thinking something along the lines of calling to tell the teacher to be sure to pass on Annie's situation to the other teachers because she apparently had a bad experience in art, blah blah blah..... I do want to complain, but I know what happens with parents who get a bad rep as "problematic". It isn't good. School politics, bleh.

Angie

Well, I don't know if sneaky is quite how I intended it to be. But she is just in kindergarten and if you are there for a while....you might want to wait before developing a reputation as a pain in the ass (I mean that in the nicest way possible)! You also don't want to have a reputation for being an easy parent that lets these sorts of things slide.

I think that gives the art teacher a means to apologize without her feeling attacked. If she doesn't apologize or something along those lines, I would push harder and let her know she is not helping to make school a positive experience for your kiddo. And, geez, it's art class! It's supposed to be fun and creative not rigorous Picasso training. Since she told you she has a hard time "letting go" maybe you can say this seems like an example.

Since you asked her regular teacher to keep an eye out for this sort of thing....I'd bring it up again. Clearly, she needs to be reminded. Along those lines, my sneaky advice would be -- what sorts of activities/projects/etc are coming up in the next several weeks that will require use of her dominant hand? Ok, how do we make sure that she is accomodated?

Signed,
Easier Said than Done

[DCJenn]

Of course my first reaction is "what the F is that idiot doing teaching art in the first place?"

I really like Nellie's idea and as one who has spent my entire career looking for ways to accomodate people with special needs, it probably should be brought up to all of the teachers, again.

Keep us posted!

Jenn

[Flynn]

YES call, but DO NOT BELIEVE YOUR DAUGHTER WORD FOR WORD.

Call to find out what happened from the teacher's perspective and call to GET INFORMATION. Don't call if you are just going to "air out" the teacher because you don't have the whole story yet. Maybe this teacher is crabby and/or not good with kids or maybe she has some information that could clarify her actions for both your daughter and you.

I can't count the times I was called as a teacher, yelled at, I explained what happened, and then the parent apologized to me and was my best buddy. I am in no way, shape or form saying your daughter is telling fibs. What I am suggesting is that there is more to what happened than she is telling (most likely because she isn't aware of all the issues -- she is a young child after all ) and she is hurt by how she perceives what happened.

Try and make a advocate for your daughter here rather than anything else.

Good luck and I hope things work out!!

[mommax3]

I would call and use Nellie's method. I struggle so often with not wanting to be "that" kind of mom that complains about everything and is a HUGE pain in the ass, but the times that I have hung back (against my better judgement) have been the times that my kids have suffered. I think that parents who are truly a pain in the ass are the ones that never consider the possibility that they might be, if that makes any sense at all. So since you are worried about it, you definitely aren't.

If I were your daughter's teacher, I would want to know what happened in art, especially with the circumstances surrounding her injury at school. Poor little sweetie. I hope things get better for her this week.

Sally

[PrincessFiona]

Well, I am that kind of mom, and I really don't mind....most of the time. I don't regularly call and complain, but when things go wrong I do... If it were me, I'd call the teacher and then offer her that moral 'out' just like Nellie suggested "Hi, its' Annie's mom. I'm sorry to bother you, but ..... "and then just talk about her frustration, coming home crying, the adjustment issues she is having and her broken freakin' arm.

We just tackled a really big problem with Andrew being teased...and after meeting with the teacher were shocked to discover that if we hadn't mentioned it, he wouldn't have known.Andrew was literally coming home and then hiding in the dining room to cry many days. The teacher thought Andrew was just having trouble paying attention...he was...but for other reasons...The teacher thanked us for pointing it out and is taking decisive action...It is so easy for us as parents to forget that we know the 'whole picture' and the teachers are just seeing one side of our child/their life.

I don't think it is your child's job to have to advocate for herself....if the teacher can understand that Annie is needing some extra TLC it might help..Also, I would address the 'remaking' of the art. Did the cast hinder the child's work so much that the thumpbot was unusable and the teacher was trying to 'help'? or did she just think it wasn't good enough?

Art is one of those cruddy classes where teacher grading ends up being so subjective. My son has never gotten above an S- in art, which has affected his willingness to color..my daughter (who has artistic talent) never gets above an S....despite 'working her hardest'.

bleeeeh.

I say call!

kris

[Sheherezade]

I'm going to call tomorrow. I have a PTC on Thursday with my husband so we may save the major conversation about her unhappiness for then. I have a few minor things I need to touch base with her about anyway, so I will try to get the story straight on what happened in art and make sure she is accomidated in the future. They do need to address the problem of the art teacher--she's really a 6-8th grade teacher filling in for the K classes this year. Still, as the new kid in town, I'm really not the one to bring that up. Thanks for all the advice. I'll let you know how it goes.

How did it go, Angie? Or are you waiting for your PTC?

[Sheherezade]

She hasn't called me back. I'm sure that is part of my problem with the situation--after the arm incident, the teacher didn't call me for three days after 2 VM messages. (The guidance counselor did call to see if Annie was ok and how long she would be out.) I hope she calls today or the parent teacher conference on Thursday is going to be a bumpy ride

Angie

[BonBon]

Angie, I would be livid. Keep us posted.

I agree about Montessori, we are already saving for it.

[peggyfromwastate]

My daughter had a very very very hard time in KG. She was at a private school that was set up like a Montessori, no pressure, etc. It was really a horrid year though. Transitioning to school is hard, and I think that coming home in tears sometimes may just be a symptom of releasing all the pent up strain and stress from a day at school, away from home... At least this is how it was with Kate, to some degree. She also struggled with new social roles, becoming aware that there were "girls who didn't like her", (those mean girls ), there were other kids who could read already, or could draw better, or could count to 100, what have you...

Anyway, I am absolutely horrified that art is ever even graded ever. It should be FUN, not graded. Oh well...

[BonBon]

Angie, what time is the conference? Did the teacher ever call you back?

:argue: (I love that smiley too!)