Anyone else?

I'm not sure how to deal with this sometimes. I like to try more natural things before resorting to medical care or medications. I like the idea of a homebirth with a midwife. I am trying to do more research about delaying vaccinations, etc. Sometimes DH and I clash with these things as he has alot of faith and dedication to the medical community. We are both pretty flexible, but it gets crazy sometimes when I feel like I am going against his beliefs by trying something "crunchy" or natural.

I guess this isn't just a Parenting/Pregnancy question, just curious if anyone else has any debates in their house about these types of issues?

[Auspicious]

We are in agreement on this within our household, but this is something of a "third rail" issue between us and some of our friends, so I sympathize.

Hahaha. Hubby calls me a fruit. But sometimes I put my foot down. Things are going to get interesting when it comes to kids. I'm definitely doing fairly extended breastfeeding, probably delaying solids. I am intrigued by co-sleeping, especially due to ease of BFing, but hubby's already adamant about it increasing SIDS (I've heard the opposite and will have to find support to make my case as the time draws near). I'm also interested in delaying vaccinations and am none too thrilled about hospital births (will probably compromise with a nice birthing suite affiliated with a hospital, and hopefully a midwife in charge but an OB on call).

I find that if I can solidly support my case, my DH will listen but I have to be purely logical and not resort to "but it's natural" or try to bring up the scare tactics that my fruity/crunch brethren resort to.

I think that DH's medical training is starting to rub off on me. I grew up in a extra crunchy household, so I see what you are saying. I think that in my teens I saw an accupuncturist more often than a MD.

I also wanted a birth any where but a hospital because I hate hospitals --- but I went to one anyway (for the doctor I thought was great) and it was just fine. None of the bad things I had convinced myself of. I also had an epidural, which in my situation, proved to be a very good thing and kept me from getting so tired as to need a c-section. I think a birthing suite attached to a hospital would be the way to go. When things go wrong, they can go really wrong really fast. My neighbor's friend had a homebirth where this was the case and it's just sad, sad.

re: vaccinations. I think delaying is ok as long as you don't skip it altogether. When you decide not to vaccinate it's not a decision that is kept within your family. That is, if you child gets whooping cough due to lack of vaccine and is near a 6 month old baby and gets the baby sick....that baby could die. That recently happened in Denver to, of all people, the mayor's adorable baby. The city is now backing an immz initiative. I also think the younger kids suffer less emotional trauma than older kids. I am dreading getting my 5 yo her polio shot next year but not dreading getting the 1 yo immz in a few months.

I'm not sure what the argument is for delaying vaccinations. I did all of ours on time, except the varicella. My oldest had a mild case of chickenpox, but the other two haven't been immunized. It's just too new for me to trust right now. I will eventually though, if they don't contract chickenpox on their own.

Too bad you don't live near me! I had a little chicken pox machine a few weeks ago.
Both my kids have had chicken pox. One at 9 months. The other 3 weeks after getting the vaccine. Hmmm....what does this say about my hygenic parenting?

[mommax3]

As someone who has heard too many sad stories from DH, I will just second Nellie's statement that things can go REALLY wrong REALLY fast. There is usually not time to consider your options when the heart rate is tanking, and if there isn't someone nearby to get the baby out in a stat section, there will be a sad outcome.

However, having said that, I will also say that one of our really good military friends here (she has since moved to Greece) is a certified Bradley instructor, and dreamed of having a home birth.....a dream she realized with the birth of her third child, last spring. DH had been her primary physician for a couple of years and had seen her through a miscarriage and confirmed the pregnancy that resulted in the home birth. She got the rest of her care from a midwife that was based in Ft. Worth....2 hours away from here. Everything went great and she had a healthy baby boy, but once we knew labor was imminent for her (which we knew only because we were friends, because DH was not involved in this pregnancy/birth at all, once he confirmed it) DH could hardly sleep, because he knew if things crashed and burned, he would be called to the ER to stat deliver what would probably be a dead baby to dear, dear friends.

But it wasn't about DH, it was about what the mom wanted, and she got it, and we were thrilled for her and very thankful things turned out well.......and we remained friends through it all, though it was awkward at times.

Personally, I am not very crunchy at all, although I did breastfeed for an extended period (which was considered pretty crunchy by my family!) and also delayed solids, (which I would not do again) and sometimes co-slept, as well. There is no way I could have had a natural delivery because I have zero pain tolerance. I always liked the idea, but not for me. As for vaccinations, we delayed getting the varicella (chicken pox) vaccine with our oldest because it was brand new and DH was unsure about it, but went ahead and gave it to him later. The other two had it at the prescribed time. It is easier to give them when they are younger, for sure! All I know is that I had them and am fine, and children used to die routinely before they were available.....that is enough for me!

Sally

Sally

DH and I are in agreement here as well. I always think doing things more naturally is better, but I chicken out after I've thought of the risks. I could never forgive myself if DD got polio or something I could have prevented had a vaccine been given. Or like someone else mentioned, deciding on a home birth only to have an emergency that can't be dealt with and has horrible results.

Some things I have tried have not gone as planned. I wanted to delay solids, but around 3 or 4 months, DD was not getting enough from me alone, solids had to be introduced earlier than recommended, and much earlier than I wanted. I wanted to breastfeed longer, but DD wouldn't, so she was weaned right around one year old. I wanted to have a natural childbirth. But after more than 50 hours of labor, I had an epidural in order to avoid a C-section, also like someone else said.
I think that in life with a child you need a plan, but you also need to allow yourself some flexibility in the plan. I believe there is a balance between natural remedies and medicine.

My DW (a Pediatrician), has a VERY GOOD presentation on why & when to get the kids vaccinations. There are many, MANY variables as to what can happen years down the road, should you choose not to get vaccinations for your children...most aren't good.

[SueC]

We're pretty much in sync over here--dh and I both think vaccinations should happen, we both want me to give birth in the hospital (and for baby#2 things did go wrong so I shudder to think what might have happened if we hadn't been at the hospital), and since I'm the one in pain, I get to decide about whether or not I should have an epidural (a resounding yes!!!). For breastfeeding, co-sleeping and all the other parenting issues, I border on crunchy and my dh supports me. I nurse for a year, the baby sleeps with me for the first couple of months (and any other time I'm too lazy to nurse him and put him in his own bed), and I lug them around with me just about everywhere I go (I'm not into "attachment parenting" to the extreme, but it is pretty darn convenient to throw the baby in a sling and go about my business). I think if we didn't agree, I would tend to sway in dh's direction for medical decisions.

[HeartRN]

What Sue said.....there's nothing better than being able to roll over and give baby a boob without having to wake up, but when she started to REALLY roll around, our baby girl was booted from our bed. She was a total bed hog!!!

[SueC]

What Sue said.....there's nothing better than being able to roll over and give baby a boob without having to wake up, but when she started to REALLY roll around, our baby girl was booted from our bed. She was a total bed hog!!!

One time when our second was a baby our oldest child (almost 2 at the time) got in bed with us. In my half-asleep state I rolled over and was about to get her latched on when I realized it wasn't the baby! She was so confused!! Hopefully she wasn't permanately scarred.

[spotty_dog]

If it makes you feel better, Sue, my mother tells me she nursed me until I weaned naturally at a little over 2 years. No scarring that I am aware of.

[Phoebe]

DH and I are in agreement with vaccinations happening. Luckily, we were also very in sync with our first ped. DH follows AAP guidelines for BF. Unfortunately, my body doesn't and didn't make enough to sustain our daughters completely for that time. Besides, one decided at 4 months she didn't want me anymore. That is the same one who is rejecting me now! Any correlation? We delayed solids for the second, mostly for convenience purposes and that she wasn't interested until about 6 months.

We did more co-sleeping with our second because I was more comfortable with the idea and she didn't sleep through the night until 7 months.

As far as delivery, DH has attended too many deliveries where things have gone wrong and the child ends up paying. He was pretty adamant about a hospital delivery and I agreed. I hate hospitals though so I got out of there ASAP after the delivery.

Jennifer

[Flynn]

Happily we agreed on two hospital births for our children and we also agree on vaccines.

As a woman and now a mother I would never have even considered a midwife. In my opinon the cost of something going wrong is way too high and the hospital we chose was completely cool with having a Dula at the birth. I looked into it and it wasn't something I needed or wanted but it was nice to know it was allowed, and people who did prefer that type of support had that option.

I feel there is something valuable with alternative types of treatments but only after other more traditional methods have failed. I respect the 4 years of med. school and now almost 8 years of training my DH has been through and for me to just "have a preference" with another way of doing things as the first choice -- well, for me that's just disrespectful.

Just my two cents.
I tend to not be --- for lack of a better term -- too "granola" about health or child rearing and co-sleeping, and nursing past a year was out of the question after some light research. That's just me.

[Rapunzel]

I am a hospital-birth woman. Of my three previous pregnancies two have been "high-risk" (twins and toxemia with one and pretty bad gestational diabetes with the other). Aside from that, however, I LOVE pain medication. I have definitely tried to go through labor without pain control but having had inductions everytime have felt it was too difficult to "ride out" contractions tripling up on each other. IF I am not induced with this next child and IF I feel midway through labor I'm dealing with the pain pretty well I won't ask for an epidural. I have absolutely never felt guilty or less-than for opting for pain medication during labor - in fact I feel so incredibly glad that we have this capability of making childbirth less of an ordeal on the mother.

I definitely vaccinate my children. I have delayed some of their vaccinations and I like to space them out rather than giving them all at one visit. That being said, I know that the reason we don't have to worry about so many deadly and debilitating diseases in this nation and in the world (smallpox anyone?) is directly due to widespread vaccinations. I know that I could probably avoid giving my kids their vaccinations and they most likely would not get the targeted illnesses - but ONLY if a resounding majority of the parents of all the other children in our society DO vaccinate their children. So, I've chosen to not play the odds. I fully expect my children to be traveling as they get older - and some of the places we would like to visit are third-world environments where these vaccinated diseases are more common. I want to make sure that they have the opportunity to travel throughout the world with as much protection as I can give them.

Am I "crunchy"? It depends on who you ask.
According to the above many would not consider me granola.
But, many DO consider me crunchy because I homeschool, am fairly lax on co-sleeping, am adamant about breastfeeding for AT LEAST a year, and believe that our spiritual health does affect our physical health and vice-versa.

Interestingly, my husband and I agree on all of the above decisions. We've never disagreed about any of these important issues and we both grew up with parents with similar mixed views of health and childhood.

So, I guess I take what I consider the best of both worlds. I am "middle of the road" - not really fitting completely into a set category.

Jennifer