Crying it out

[SueC]

We decided that it's time for Mitchell to start crying it out, as he has been snacking every few hours each night. Last night was our first attempt--the little monster cried for 45 minutes and showed no sign of letting up! I ended up putting him in our bed, and he was happy as a clam. We're going to make another attempt on Monday so I'd love some advice. I've never had much luck with the Farber (sp?) method since whenever I've gone in to soothe them it just gets them more worked up.

[HeartRN]

Keelin was a co-sleeper until about 10 months old. Then I could not take it anymore! She was waking up every couple hours and hanging on my boob. this was not working well with a 5 am out of bed time and a 7 am start to my work day (with her in tow). Although a little different from your situation, my theory was she was awakening because she could smell me lying next to her. We went cold turkey on the night nursing and transferred her to her crib at the same time. The first night she cried about 20 minutes, woke up a couple times in the night and cried for a bout the same amount of time; the second night was hell...she cried for about an hour and a half when I put her down but didn't wake up all night! From that point on, she has really done great. I have found the only time she awakens for extended periods in the night is 1)if she had shots recently 2) she is sick 3) teeth. The other awakenings are very brief cry outs (a couple seconds) and she's back to sleep. Shortly after her 1st birthday, she weaned herself from nursing completely. She would have nothing to do with nursing. It sounds like Mitchell is similar in that he is awakening because he's conditioned to knowing you will be there to nurse him. The best book I found in support of not going to your child with night crying was "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". It's the thing that worked for us. I was very opposed to the crying thing initially, but the book REALLY helped maintain my sanity. The theory in this book is you don't go to them no matter how long they cry at night...naps are a little different (one hour limit). Honestly, if Keelin had cried for 45 minutes in the night, I don't know if I could've done it. She just happened to adjust very quickly. Maybe with Mitchell the first couple nights will be the worst and then he'll start to know that you aren't going in to him. This is a really tough one, and I don't know if my experience will help any, but I thought I'd share it. Being a Mama is so hard sometimes! Good luck to you guys.

[houseelf]

Sue, Marla,

Sisters-in-Arms, I feel your pain. I love, love, love co-sleeping. I also hate, hate, hate co-sleeping.

On one hand, there is nothing sweeter than waking to the first streams of sunlights with your whole family snuggled up with limbs entangled like a litter of puppies. That physical closeness warms my soul. I love nursing and cosleeping has facilitated my extended breastfeeding.

On the other hand, I have taken more than one errant kicks to the chin and I suffer from a perpetual lack of sleep. I laugh when people ask if my 3 month old sleeps through the night. My first born didn't sleep through the night until he was one- when I weaned him and "Ferber"-ed him (by near physical restraint by my husband) into his own crib. It took about a week and he was a great sleeper after that. We plan to do the same with our DD. Although, I'm not sure that I have recovered from the crying it out method. If you're gleaning from this that I play the soft parent in our household, you are correct. DH gets to be bad cop.

With this said, good, good luck. So far my DS has shown no adverse affect from that single week where he cried himself to sleep. (I'm sure that this will come out in therapy at some point along with a million other things. )

Kelly

[SueC]

I searched through hell and high water for that book today and couldn't find it! I ended up buying "the no-cry sleep solution" but I'm sitting here thinking I wasted my money because I know I'm going to have to let that kid cry himself to sleep in order to get it licked. I think you're right, Marla--he only wants to nurse because he can smell me right there next to him. We let the other two cry and I see no ill effects from it. He's just way more persistent than they were. I guess we'll try again on Sunday night--we'd do it tonight but I have my race tomorrow (I'm running the half-marathon I've been semi-training for) so I guess I'll give in one more night. Here's a funny co-sleeping story--the other night Maya got in bed with us and I guess I forgot she was there because in the middle of the night I accidentally pushed her out of bed and onto the floor! The poor thing--I felt terrible. I don't think I would have done that to Mitchell since I don't really sink into a deep sleep when he's in bed with us. Anyhow, I'm ready to get these kids out of my bed so I can get some real sleep!

[Cumberland]

We did the CIO/Ferber method and it has been a god send. We have a well rested pleasant child, she is in bed every night by 8 and DH and I get to have some quality time for at least an hour or two. She doesnt wake up til 730 and when she does, she just sings and talks til I go in to get her. What is the best is that when it is bed time, we read her a story and put her in her crib, then she is asleep within a few minutes with not even a peep.

Flynn has been the sleep authority on this board for me, all her posts have been right on target with teaching healthy sleep habits.

I had the No Cry Sleep Solution- it didnt work for me, and I wouldnt recommend the book. I didnt think it was terrible or anything, just didnt fit our family's needs.

Good luck, it is not easy, but worth it in the end!!

[Phoebe]

Healthy Sleep, Happy Child has been a godsend in our household too. I even refer to it for my 3 yo!

Good luck! I wish I had some advice to share. I found with co-sleeping we all get less productive sleep. Ella always started out in her crib, but ended up back in our bed for the 4am feeding. Finally around 7 months she slept through the night on her own. That was a long 7 months!

Jennifer

[HeartRN]

Sue--I have a friend who is using the book, otherwise I would be happy to loan it out to you. I'm sorry I know this is kind of an urgent thing for you! (Getting good sleep, that is!)

I had the no cry book, too...I guess you could say exhaustion finally won out over patience in my household, and that book was thrown aside. Believe me, it was a real stressor for a while. Speaking from someone who would never let her child cry for an extended time and who co-slept for close to a year, when we finally let her cry it saved my sanity, cuz I finally got some uninterrupted sleep. She's usually in bed between 6-8 pm, and doesn't wake up before 6:30-7 now. The second night when it was so hard for me to hear her cry, DH gave me his iPod and brought me a beer! :~ The next morning, we were all well rested. How did the sleep thing go with your other kids?

[HeartRN]

Oops...Sue I forgot that you said your other two cried it out. Guess your little guy IS persistent!! Good luck!

I read a lot of information about this, knew all the 'methods', and then decided what was best for us personally wasn't in any of the books. I'm a firm believer in being educated, but then making your own decisions. We let DD cry it out when she was about 6 months old. She cried for about twenty minutes the first night, and that was all. I had completely set aside the WEEK for this, but she must have decided all the fuss wasn't worth the effort. We did (and do) sing to her, while she stayed in her crib, if she happened to wake up. And like someone else mentioned, if she is sick or teething, or something like that, then we change our strategy. Every kid is so different.

[SueC]

The no-cry sleep solution isn't going to work for us--I'm on like page 6 or something and I just don't buy into the belief that my kids crying a few nights is going to cause long-standing psychological damage. The author had 4 kids, 2 of which slept through the night without any trouble, and the other two didn't sleep through the night until after 12 months--and I'm going to take advice from her??? I don't think I'll be doing him any special favors by not letting him learn how to fall asleep on his own. And if we don't get this thing licked before he can pull to stand we're hosed, so we're pretty committed to tackling this now. Last night I put him down at 8pm and he slept till 4am. I nursed him (in bed) and he slept till 7. Not bad, I hope it's a trend. If I were less lazy, I would have put him back in his crib at 4.

[HeartRN]

Hey, I don't call it lazy...I call it EXHAUSTED!!! Keelin gets plenty of sleep, it's her Mom that doesn't go to bed early enough most nights. I am on this website!!! :chat: I'm so glad he slept that long! I'd say that's a terrific start. And to reiterate the obvious, every child is so different. What complicated little creatures they are!

[Flynn]

Ok -- so I guess I'm in the minority here but I am a big fan of getting my sleep and encouraging my little ones to do so ASAP. I also have big kids (9 pounds plus) and I have a feeling they come into this world as good sleepers but then we foster the rest. It's a combination of characteristics in my opinion.

Our children have never slept in our room or bed and so far I have my 6 week old on a schedule where he gets up once a night (goes down at 9, up at midnight, down at one and up again between 6 and 7 a.m) and it is working out really well. I won't wean him from his midnight feed for four more weeks but then -- that's it, I am cutting him off!

As long as we are assuming the child doesn't need the nutrition -- let him cry. Set a timer for whatever you feel comfortable with and if he doesn't fall asleep in that time, go in and comfort him (don't feed him) and then when he is comforted (not asleep from rocking), leave and start the process all over again.

If you are weaning night feeds do the same thing but don't feed and I wouldn't bring the child into bed either because you are exchanging one less than ideal pattern for another. Kids are smart and will learn eventually what to do. It took three days for us with our first daughter.

Good luck and BE STRONG!!!!! It will change your life to get this under control.

[SueC]

Yep, you're right Flynn, I've got to quit bringing him into our bed! It's great in the short term but in the long term I'll have in my bed every night. Seems like you've got this down to a science--maybe you should write a book!

[HeartRN]

Flynn's right, I think, but I can certainly understand doing less than ideal practices when you're tired(like bringing baby to bed). Truth be told, I'm thrilled to have our bed back. Now, even when she's sick she refuses to sleep with us when we've tried. I guess this is a good thing, though....but I think I would do the co-sleep thing for the early months all over again for the next baby

[PrincessFiona]

Sue,

If it makes you feel better about this, when my first two childen were born, the familiy bed (co-sleeping) and NOT letting them cry it out were THE things to do....and so that's how I did it. Letting them cry it out then was tantamount to child abuse. There were a couple of things a 'good' mom didn't do...put her child in any type of childcare at all for any reason and let them cry it out. Our sleep and sanity suffered and my older children are bad sleepers even now.... It is something we've had to work really hard on getting under control.

With Aidan, I'm totally different...I'm busy breaking both rules and I'm so much happier. 1. I go out and work two mornings a week and he goes to *gasp* in-home daycare....and 2. I let him cry it out for nap time and bed times. I started out by waiting until he was good and tired (I couldn't handle a 45 minute cry) and he cried for 10 minutes. Since then, he has cried for less than 5....and he sleeps GREAT. I put him down later than y'all....between 8-8.30 and he actually sleeps until 8.30 or 9am. This works out for me because it let me get the older kids off to school.

I would say crying it out is ok within limits. I still couldn't stomach an hour of crying it out...but I can do 10-15 minutes....and think that it is better for them to have good sleep habits. If I could go back and do things over with my oldest children I would do this.

kris