To the non-parents among us

[houseelf]

I thought it would be fun if those of us who have already been there could share our sage advice to those who haven't yet procreated. What are some advice and tips that you have learned along the way?

Kelly

[houseelf]

I'll start:

-I would go with two years of preschool rather than one. (My firstborn only has one year).

-No matter how overwhelming a developmental milestone seems, it is only a stage.

-Extreme repetition is required to teach your child anything from reading to trying new foods. (Seriously, it has taken 15 attempts to introduce some new foods).

-Childhood goes even faster than what everyone says.

-You know what is best for your family so feel free to tune out well-meaning advice which is incongruent with your family's goals or needs.

I have more, but I'd like to hear what your kids have taught you!

[Auspicious]

Cool thread!

[mommax3]

If you are home with your kids, put them in mom's day out/preschool one or two days a week, especially if your kids are active, busy, or demanding. IT WILL SAVE YOUR SANITY! And in this same vein, find a babysitter you can use on a regular basis in the evenings. Remember to put your relationship with your spouse first.

Follow your gut about your kids......read a lot, learn about child development, talk to parents you admire, but when it comes right down to it.......you know best.

Don't wish the time away.......it does go by so quickly. (Except the bad parts, like stomach flu and potty training, etc. )

Sally

DD is only 16 months, but I have learned a few things so far.

-Kids cry. There are times when its okay to let them cry.

-Planning is important, but being flexible is more important.

-Don't make food a power struggle.

-Nothing will prepare you for the love you feel for your child. Its all-consuming.

And I have to agree that childhood goes by in a flash.

We have an almost 19-month-old, but here's what I've figured out so far:

-Try to avoid giving birth within a two-week window of SO's step 1 board exams.

-It really is true that childhood flies by. Don't spend all your time looking ahead to upcoming milestones (rolling over, walking, etc). Enjoy your baby/child where he/she is right now.

-When it comes to toddlers, they're not going to eat well every single day. Look at their nutritional intake over the course of a week, not day-by-day, before you worry about them living solely on graham crackers and oranges.

-Don't worry about what the kids of every Tom, Dick, and Harry are doing around you. Your baby will reach all the milestones on his/own schedule.

-Here's a practical one: use a lingerie bag hooked on the hamper to collect all baby socks after they are worn. Throw the whole bag in the washer/dryer all togheter. Otherwise baby socks are so freaking small, they get lost!

[PrincessFiona]

These are so great that they are good reminders for me too!

More advice:

~Everyone will try and give you advice and tell you how to raise your child....take what works for you and ignore the rest. There is no one 'right' way to be a good mom or dad.

~Don't let yourself be guilted into the whole 'mommy wars' thing. Again...decide what works best for you and your family. If you need a break, by all means TAKE ONE, if you want to work part-time DO IT, if you want to work full-time GO FOR IT, if you want to homeschool you have my complete and utter admiration and respect because I'd rather go to the dentist every day. You are still a human being with your own needs. You also deserve to be happy. I heard this whole martyr thing last night at boy scouts. We have a couple of older moms there who are in their late 40's ... their 3rd graders are their *surprise* babies . They carried on for 20 minutes about someone who went to scrapbooking crops every other week. They talked about how 'nice it must be' in rather melodramatic tones and that they hadn't 'taken themselves out' in 20 years since having their first child. I couldn't help it....I chimed in and said that I too crop every other week and that I allow my husband to parent for those few hours and feel not an ounce of guilt. I need the social times. I need to talk to other women...I value the time and I'm also doing something nice for the family. I feel happier...bottom line.

Do what you need to do to take care of YOU too! And don't feel guilty!

~Leave the mess...don't waste your energy worrying about the dustbunnies accumulating....someday we'll miss the mess! (Hey, at least that's what I'm telling myself right now...my house is a dump!) :>

[SueC]

In addition to the other pearls of wisdom...

Find another mom friend that you can have real conversations with about parenthood. Not the kind of friend that you have to put on a fake smile and pretend like you are a perfect mom, but the kind that will not be shocked when you tell them about your darker parenting moments.

Forgive yourself when you screw up. Tell your kid your sorry, give them a hug, and move on.

[Meenah]

Enjoy them, it goes by very quickly.

Make time for your marriage. If you don't, the kids will be gone one day and you will look at your spouse like he is a stranger, because he will be a stranger.

Always remember unsolicited free advice is usually worth what you pay for it!

There is always another stage around the corner.

[Meenah]

Pay a total stranger to teach them how to drive!!!!

[HeartRN]

--Don't spend a lot of money on first shoes (my ped actually told us this). Shoes from wal-mart are fine, in spite of what Grandma says. No shoes at all are best, when practical.

--Don't feel guilty about co-sleeping if it's working for you. I struggled with that one for a long time. Now she's in her crib (only because I was exhausted CONSTANTLY being the human pacifier)

--Don't even let your doctor come within one foot of you with pitocin if your cervix hasn't budged or ripened in the slightest. Unless, of course, the baby absolutely has to come out (which mine did because of hypertension).

--And to reiterate a previous point....things aren't going to be perfect when you bring a newborn home. The house will probably be a mess, your chest will feel like cement, and you'll cry a lot. But it will be ok.

[BonBon]

This isn't advice, just something funny...

On Gavin's third day of life, I was sitting on the couch holding him as he slept and K was sitting with me. K looks at me and says "I don't know what people are complaining about. This parenting is easy." and stupid me says "I know! This isn't bad at all!!!"

Those words came back to bite us in the ass!

[Rapunzel]

It's OK to feed your kids "unconventional" dinner foods from time to time (for instance, Cheerios! ). It's a lifesaver when you're tired and/or ill.

Don't stress too much over a baby reaching developmental milestones. The age-range for most of those achievements is relatively large and a relatively tiny amount of children are delayed due to a serious medical condition.

Begin reading to your children when they are tiny babies. Keep reading to them everday throughout their childhood (even after they can read fluently they will enjoy being read to).



Jennifer