Babysitting

[BonBon]

DH and I would like to start going out more(alone!), but I can't bring myself to find a babysitter for the babe. I also wasn't able to put him into daycare - I started crying while we were touring the place. He had a great time there, the problem is all mine. The only times we go out are when my mom comes into town and stays the night so she can watch him. DH's mom actually lives a mere 10 minutes away, but neither of us are very comfortable with her watching him.

Are my feelings valid? Or do I just need to get over it so I can spend some time with my husband? *sigh*

[mommax3]

Your feelings are valid AND you need to get over it! (How's that for playing both sides of the issue?)

Seriously, you two need time alone. Your feelings of being unable to leave Gavin will only get stronger the longer you put it off.....and he will begin to tap into those feelings, as well, making things just that much harder. Start with a dry run of 45 minutes or an hour. Pick a time when he is usually happy. Take your cell phone with you. DO NOT prolong the goodbyes, no matter what. If Gavin is unsure about the situation, this will make things worse, and if he is fine with it, your discomfort will let him know that he SHOULD be upset. He is still young enough that if you call 5 minutes after you leave to see how he is, he will not know it is you on the phone.

Finding a sitter you can trust is a "whole 'nother" matter. I have had the most luck using girls who are just starting out with sitting (VERY enthusiastic and they have usually taken a babysitting class in the not-too-distant past) because they are less likely to have boyfriends or jobs, which means they are usually available and by the time they get older, you will have hopefully built enough of a rapport that they will be loyal to you even when they have other things to do. When they are young, they are blank slates, too, so they will be more likely to do things the way YOU tell them, rather than the way they usually do things. I could go on and on about sitters.....I have had good and bad ones.....but you may already have some in mind.

DO this!

Sally

[HeartRN]

I'm probably not the best person to advise on this since I have a "daycare child" as it has been put to me previously by a mom I work with (and it wasn't nicely, either). However, it took me a good three months to feel really comfortable with leaving Keelin with daycare, and she started at about 9 weeks old. Not because they aren't wonderful people who love her, but for the same reasons you discussed. It was all on my end. I think the bottom line is finding somebody you are comfortable with....in a situation where you are comfortable. And that may not be outside your home...maybe you could find a babysitting co-op in your area? Sometimes there are moms who want to share babysitting for parents night out. I would start on the web or your local YMCA for people who are looking for the same thing. Or maybe start by bringing a mom's helper into your house while you are still home, building trust, and then go out with your husband one night while the same person stays with Gavin. The other thing is going out after he is in bed....that might work, too as far as increasing your comfort level. Just a couple thoughts.

[fluffhead]

Your feelings are valid - we haven't seen a movie since my daughter was born 3 years ago.
A month ago, we used a sitter for the first time (but took the baby with us), and she was like "OK bye" - more interested in showing the babysitter her stuff than saying goodbye to us. We lucked out in that a girl living across the street is a high school senior who has taken infant CPR, is pretty studious, and our daughter loves her.
Now we just need to get the guts to leave the baby too, and we can go see a movie!

I have the same hang-ups about leaving DD with a sitter. I'd also prefer to leave her with a grandparent, but they are rarely in town. There is a lot good advice already, and the only suggestion that I could add is to leave your kids with another medspouse, if possible. Thats what we do. I like that DD has other kids to play with, and I trust the moms more than I would a high schooler. A group of us did a co-op, there were six families, we'd each take a friday night, but with the start of rounds its kind of fizzled out. Still, it did create a list of people I can call when I need someone. I know this isn't always possible, but its worked out really well for us.

I'm having some serious babysitter anxiety.

We found a *great* sitter but she is already pretty busy. Went out twice. OMG!!!!! It was incredible!! She even called to say that she got the babe to bed and told us to stay out as long as we wanted. Woohoo!! She is a goddess of child care.

But.... ....I've called her 3x about coming over this weekend (since DH is gone Fri-mon) and haven't set a time..... ....She probably thinks I am a psycho stalker for calling her 3 times. :thud: And crazy A/R me wants to call again but then she will think I am really crazy....

So, do whatever you have to do to find a babysitter and go out. Trust me, it will be well worth it. It's an investment in your marriage. We've had luck finding babysitters from nurses and med techs in DH's former clinics (if you are ok with that).

[BonBon]

All are good suggestions, thank you. And thanks for easing my mind that I'm not a neurotic parent. (I still can't believe that I am *gasp* a parent)

Sally, I like your suggestion of easing into it. But you are right, finding someone we trust is the big problem. Unfortunately, even though we are in the same geographic area, we are several towns over from where we used to be. I finally got to know my neighbors, and we moved again. But I guess I'm preaching to the choir on that subject. I was thinking about starting a co-op with some of the new neighbors, but the problem is...I'd have to watch their kids too. I had one of the neighbor's kids over once - and that will be the last time. (think bouncing from walls to couches, etc)

I was thinking about posting a notice on the college's early childhood education department board. That seems like a way of getting someone who cares about kids. Our housekeeper offered up her daughter, but she's NINE. (Mom would also come) I'll pass, thanks.

I am looking for a mother's helper for a few afternoons, I'd like to snag someone closeby who is in their early teens aka a blank slate.

I'm rambling, aren't I?

David, it's a shame I don't live on the other side of NY, we could swap every now and then.

[mommax3]

Dagny,

Have your husband ask around, (other docs' kids, or nurse's kids) or if the hospital(s) where he works offer babysitting classes, maybe you could get a referral from the person who teaches the class. Advertising at the early childhood dept. at a college is a great idea! My current sitter is a college student and I let her do her laundry here when she sits, which she really appreciates.

Just don't give up trying to find someone. Having regular sitters (although it hasn't always been easy to find them) is the main reason DH and I still have a relationship that we enjoy despite having three kids and DH's OB/Gyn training/career. Even now, I can tell a huge difference in the way we get along when we are going out regularly vs. when we aren't.

Sally

[Phoebe]

We've had pretty good luck with babysitters this year. I have been very nervous about leaving my kids with people, except my mom. I quit my job to stay at home because I couldn't live with putting our infant in a daycare setting. I have gotten better about leaving the kids with sitters over the years. We started out with nurses DH worked with and have now moved on to college students. We got so lucky because we tapped into sorority at a local university. We found a couple very trustworthy, fun girls who our girls adore. If our regulars can't babysit, they can normally find a dependable replacement. We found this niche through the local university employment office that offers a babysitting list complete with names, numbers, year in school, major and whether or not they have a car. If you have a college near you, you might try calling their career placement/employment department. The unfortunate thing is we pay big for their services, but the price is worth feeling at ease away from home.

It is hard to leave your kids!

[Meenah]

Have your DH ask nurse's with teenage girls. When my girls started to babysit it was great for the parents, because I was just a few houses away, I am an ER nurse and I was always checking up on them because I AM NEUROTIC> It was crazy, because if my kids were babysitting, I wouldn't go out in case they needed my help!!!! Can you say CRAZY? A few times they did need me (vomiting kids!!!!!). After they were sitting for about a year I relaxed.
Luanne

[Meenah]

If you have a nursing school close by that is also a great place to find sitters.
Luanne

When did you all first leave your little one alone? I know we're going up to New York to see my mom at the end of April (baby will be three months then) and I'm sure we'll get a chance to go out to dinner alone at that point. There are a few friends here I would trust with the baby but I can't imagine leaving her with a total stranger while she's so little.

[mommax3]

Really, before six months, I didn't leave my kids with anyone except family or a sitter that I had known for a long time.....and even then, only for 2 hours at the longest. It was always hard for me to leave a nursing baby. They are pretty portable when they are little and are not likely to cause as much trouble as an older baby/toddler.

Sally

[BonBon]

They are pretty portable when they are little and are not likely to cause as much trouble as an older baby/toddler.

Sally

Yes! K and I took our little man everywhere as he just sat in his infant car carrier while we enjoyed our dates. The only time he was any trouble at all was the ONE time we went to a fancy restaurant. Figures.

Of course my mom is just dying to babysit, which I'm comfortable with when she's three months. I'm sure we'll be bringing her around with us once we're all ready to venture outside. The weather here has been so mild that I've been a little less concerned about her tiny lungs dealing with the cold, too, which is a bonus, at least if the warm weather holds.

Sally, totally off topic but I've been meaning to tell you that Lord and Taylor's is selling labradoodle stuffed animals! I'm not sure if they have schnoodles but maybe you can somehow check? The one we got is so cute, although very large...I think it might be a Gund but I'm not 100 percent sure. Just thought you might want a playmate for Archie!