parenting myths about working and staying at home

[houseelf]

I have been staying at home for six months and I am surprised by some of the outcomes. For example, I can't seem to get motivated to wear anything besides sweats. Further, my house is no cleaner than it was when I worked. Heck, the kids just have more time to mess things up. Finally, I'm a heck of a lot less efficient because I have to self-organize vast amounts of time. On the plus side, most days I really love the pace of my life at home.

In contrast, when I worked, I would spend more freely on myself because after all "I work hard". I got more done in a day simply because I had to allocate the precious limited resource of time. I took extra care with my appearance because I would be out in public. My time with my kid had to really count so I fell into the trap of trying to be uber-mom. (Now he expects an activity every day of the week. )

In a few short weeks, I'll report to you what 15-20 hours a week feels like.

To those of you out there weaving in and out of workforce, what are some of your more surprising revelations?

Kelly

[BonBon]

Everything that you said...except I don't know when I'll be able to re-enter the workforce. :|

It's amazing how quickly a day at home passes, and yet, nothing gets done. I'm curious to hear what it will be like for you when you go back. DH says that I have "grass is greener" syndrome.

One thing I've been *trying* to do is to view being a sahm as a job. I've been getting up at a certain time, exercising and showering before Gavin gets up(ok, so that's only the last two days). I haven't quite mastered getting out of the sweatpants yet, but I do make an effort to put on a little make-up everyday now. I've made out a list of things that should be done on certain days, what needs to be done everyday, etc. Now I just have to follow it. Have I mentioned that the Christmas tree is still up as are the rest of the decorations? And here I sit on the computer. Slacking on the job.

But anyway, no other revelations other than working is easier than staying at home. (ie - always knowing your job description and what is expected of you, as well as being up to the task)

Yup! Total agreement.

staying at home isn't a vaca!

Right now I am working full-time but only because I MUST while James is in school...I tell him that it's hard for me to work two full-time jobs (the "real" one and taking care of him/baby/house/pets,etc.). We are going to try and have me stay home once he starts residency (in 18 long months) but I'm definitely viewing it as a full-time job I'm taking on--to think of managing the household with little help from the hubby, plus the two kids? Definitely sounds like a full day for me.

But I don't think that SAHM's get the respect they deserve! But of course, there are plenty of people who are critical of working moms (as I've found out) for "abandoning" their children--ridiculous! I guess there's criticism any way you do it. But probably what's most important is that my husband actually appreciates everything I do and knows that I work just as much and as hard (if not more!) than him. I wouldn't make it if he just came and went as he pleased without acknowledging that!

[mommax3]

When I worked part-time during DH's residency (I just had two kids then) I was surprised at how much cleaner the house stayed, since we weren't there as much to mess it up! When I started working part-time this year, I didn't notice the same thing, probably because the house is never clean to begin with!

I think it would be horribly, horribly, horribly hard to leave your kids with a sitter or at a daycare center if you didn't trust them or if you hated your job. However, I do believe that the actual work of taking care of a house and a kid (or kids) is way harder than most jobs. There have been many days that I spend longer at school than I really need to because I don't want to face three hungry, tired kids, a messy house, and the thought of fixing dinner.
I am grateful that I have gotten to stay home with my boys. It hasn't been full of bliss, but the memories are sweet, and I have learned A LOT about myself and how I best function.

Sally

[Cumberland]

I feel like I have the best of both worlds, working 20 hours a week. I like my job just enough to keep doing it, and it makes me feel like i have a life outside of mommying. I have a great in home daycare that I love- if I didnt it would be a totally different story. That being said, as the wife of an OB intern, i cook, clean, iron ( incessantly and I **HATE** it), fold, wash, mow the lawn( with DD in the backpack, the neighbors think i am weird already), transplant the azealas (yesterday), grocery shop, and could work 40 hours a week just picking things up and putting them in their place. He folded a load of laundry the other day and it was a huge deal. I dont really hold it against him, he would help if his program actually let him work 80 hours a week. I want to work on a quilt, raise chickens and bees, go to asia to help in tsunami relief, sew window treatments, take horseback riding lessons, and have a social life but i am not sure when that will happen. I dont really think it is going to be all that different in 3 years and five months either.

[Flynn]

So I've never tried to work while having kids so I am cheating a bit to comment here .....

I can say though that I am better about time management now than I ever was because I don't get "me time" unless I make it happen. Not so when I was working. I also treat each day like this is my job -- the best job on the planet most of the time , and I shower and "primp" before either child gets up. I do have "sweats days" but not too often unless I am planning to exercise during the day. After the kids go to bed around 8:00 and IF my husband is home I go for a run....I HATE to get my butt out the door but once I'm running I feel much better and after I get home I sometimes treat myself to a bubble bath.

I guess I am saying that I treat "staying home" like a job in that I need some structure but I also know if I don't spend time on myself I will feel lousy about the time that isn't about me.