Stay at home?

Well, the MS3 hubby dropped an interesting piece of info in my lap today--as we've been scrambling to come up with the daycare money for the new baby due in May, I've been wondering why it is that I'm working a job I don't like while I miss my son growing in leaps and bounds--plus, my job is going to end up netting slightly more than the ridiculously expensive daycare we'll have both kids in starting in July. Anyway, James comes home and tells me that he's talked to financial aid and they can set us up for MS4 so that his loans are increased to the point that we can cover our expenses without me working, and I can stay home with both kids (since the daycare money and my salary are basically interchangeable). We're past the point of even caring about the loans anymore (we're just accepting it and dealing with it later), so that's not necessarily an issue...and I've been campaigning half-heartedly to stay home...but now that it's a possibility (starting this summer at least), it's all very scary. For those of you that have made the leap, help?!? It seems like such a big decision to stop working and stay at home--I'm nervous about taking on the responsibility of caring for the kids full-time and letting go of the corporate world. Thoughts much appreciated!

If you don't like your job and you can make the money work, that bodes well. If you have other work-related expenses -- dry cleaning, parking, meals, etc -- that you don't need to budget for that will help too.

As of lately, I am not working at all (ha, well, in the traditional earning money sense). I have been working part time for the last 4 or so years and found that to be a nice mix. It is an adjustment (to go FT to SAHM), both good and bad, to your daily routines. I really do miss the parts of working that I liked -- but not the parts I don't!

re: the loans...just to be devil's advocate....taking out more can really come back to get you later. It doesn't seem so bad at the time but then when you get those *$^# loan statements every quarter with the interest accruing, it kind of hurts. (Depending on your exact situation, of course).

(Editing for clarification....and to add that Sally makes a good point re: 4th year and your DH's schedule.)

[mommax3]

I planned to stay home after the birth of my first, so I haven't exactly been in your shoes, but staying home for next year sounds good to me because 4th year is generally light, and you will see your husband quite a bit.....a good time to bank some memories before intern year! It may also free you up to go to some of his residency interviews, too.

Good luck!

Sally

[SueC]

Sounds like the stars are in proper alignment...
I'd say if your dh is supportive of it, then go for it!!! Some of the others made that leap while their spouses were in med school, so they can probably give you more information than I can about living on financial aid alone, but it can be done. I've worked from home since our first child was born (I wasn't happy in my job, plus I wouldn't have made much over the cost of daycare, so it was kind of a no-brainer), and while I would have preferred not to work, it's all worked out. I initially watched a few kids in addition to my own, which is a good solution if you have the patience for it and need to earn a little money.
Good luck and I hope it all works out for you!

[houseelf]

This falls under the category, be careful what you wish for, it just may come true. DH finally agreed to my staying at home after our second after MUCH advocating on my part. Then I was like, ummmmm, is this really what I want? If I'm truly, truly, truly, honest with you, my kids have learned a lot of great things from my daycare provider and her kids. And I was able to train for a marathon by running a 3-5 mile run over my lunch hour. Totally selfish thoughts, I know, but these things did provide some quality of life to a woman who was struggling as the wife of a super busy gen surgery resident. Now I'm going back 15-20 hours a week. I hope that it is a good fit. I will let you know in 10 days.

I love staying at home but I abhor taking on more debt. I love my kids fiercely, but even if I was a full-time SAHM, I would have to have some small break from them at least twice a week or I would be a miserable human being. If you stay at home, please try to get a sitter at least occasionally.

I hope this doesn't come off as know-it-all. I have struggled with this topic more than you know. People get hell-fired up about it because it is a hard topic with no easy answers. Find the best solution for you and run with it. Now, as for taking my own advice....

Kelly

I've done the SAHM thing since DD was born during DH's MS2 year. We've gotten by on financial aid alone, and though its difficult, it can be done. I have talked to numerous med spouses who have said they wished they would have rung up more credit card debts and lived it up a little more while in residency because once out, it was so easy to pay it all off. I don't know exactly what to think about this, but I guess its a different view.
I think its great you have the option to stay at home if you want to. I don't miss working at all. Maybe if I had to leave a job I actually LIKED I would be singing a different tune!

[HeartRN]

Working full time while raising children is difficult....however, when we did all of the financial tabulations, it still paid for me to go back (in fact, we really needed me to). I went back full time when DD was only 8 weeks old....I owe a lot from my school and I just graduated with the BSN in 2000, so I didn't want my degree to go unused. Even though I only work 3 days (albeit 12 hour shifts) a week and she's in daycare for those, ideally I would like to become a prn/hourly employee so I could maintain skills and have adult contact while spending more time at home. I think this will become more of a reality after DH is DONE! If I didn't like my job so much as well as the people I work with, I probably would have worked much harder to make the stay at home thing work. It sounds like all signs point in favor of you being at home. I say go for it!

Thanks all!

Thanks for your words of wisdom everybody! I think Kelly captured my mood right now best when she talked about "Be careful what you wish for...". I definitely looked like a deer in headlights when James told me it might actually be possible. All of you brought up a lot of points I've considered, so it's good to hear them reinforced-I might just be on the right track! Overall, I think this is much more about me being unhappy with my job and feeling like I'm wasting time doing that when I could be with the kids. But I don't know if I want to try and go through the stress of finding a new job after maternity leave when we'll very possibly be moving with a year of that for residency. I definitely don't think it would be permanent, but maybe this would be a good year to stay home--the kids will still be pretty young, it'll give me some flexibility to be involved with the residency interviews, and I won't feel so stressed about having to squeeze in the big move after graduation. I still haven't decided for sure (I don't think I should be responsible for making decisions while pregnant-too emotional!) but it really helps for me to talk with all of you about it! So many pros and cons! We'll see how I feel once the new baby's here and I'm juggling the two on maternity leave. I'll keep you all posted...

[DCJenn]

Once we finally go and get Nikolai (which is now looking like it will be early spring...but that's another story) I will be off for the full 12 weeks of FMLA and then I've agreed to go back part-time. I have a feeling that I'll need 2 and a half days a month on the road after that!!!

Jenn

[BonBon]

I would stay home for the year and see how it goes. Esp since you aren't all that thrilled with your job, and for all the reasons stated above.

Like Kelly said, it is a hard topic with no easy answers. I've been home for nearly a year now. Personally, I am going stir crazy and am seeing my house as akin to my prison. I love my son dearly, but with the long hours DH works and the isolation... Fortunately, a dear friend essentially badgered me( ) into taking a class or two and I *finally* decided that, yeah, that's a good idea. So I'm going back to school in a week and a half two days a week. The little guy will be in daycare, and it hurts me to leave him, but I think I'll be a much saner mom. I am SO excited now to be among big people again and to be learning something new. So anyway...take from it what you will. You can always go back to work later on.

Good luck with your decision.

Wow, Chris, good for you! What classes are you taking?

[BonBon]

Wow, Chris, good for you! What classes are you taking?

Genetics and World Geography(a "101" class)
Genetics because I need it and geography because when I was looking at the tsunami maps, I was like "that's where Bangladesh is??" I'm hoping this will be a nice mental tune-up. My brain looks like swiss cheese at the moment.

Thanks for asking.

[Flynn]

Finances aside....I can't say enough about staying home with my kids.

The transition was a bit rough at first, but after a little over two years I can honestly say I LOVE BEING HOME!!!! Will it be perfect? Absolutely not and you will miss "alone time" and "time with adults." You will have to sacrifice certain aspects of your life but it's doable and it would be SO GREAT for your kids!!!! I admit I am biased here but I really believe (finances aside) that nobody replaces Mom and Dad. You can do things for your kids no other person in the world can and once they grow up and are in school full time...well your chance to bond with them pre-close buddies, pre-school, pre-peer pressure, etc. is OVER -- and you can never get it back. It's a priceless time in a child's life...and you will miss SO MUCH if you work full time.

It's an extrememly personal decision however and I admit there are some people who seem to make any situation work for them. I didn't kid myself that giving half of an effort to my job and half to my family was a reasonable situation. I would have gone nuts knowing I was performing in both areas underpar. I am not a perfect individual and I knew I wasn't "special enough" to give each area of my life a decent effort. Some people can, I am just not one of them.

I can't IMAGINE going back to work. It would break my heart in two I think. I am so close with my daughter and now I get to build a similar relationship with my son. It's just the best.

You can ALWAYS go back to work. That can't be said for this time in your child's life and it goes so fast!!!

I love staying home and while it's not for everyone I would encourage you to give it a try. Just my two cents!

I currently sah and have since our older son was born in late spring of 2000.

Dh is just starting med school this August. I really really hope I can manage to sah as much as possible. Maybe if I had ever had a paying job that was so rewarding and emotionally fufilling and actually paid the bills I woudn't dread going back to work so much. I did work on Saturdays during the busy seasons (at a greenhouse where I loved the job and earned squat) and that really did help with a little extra cash but it was mostly a break for me.

I really enjoy what I do at home. Its really busy most of the time, and it can be mindnumbingly repetative, but so can any job. That said, I can't say enough about making sure you get a pretty regular social routine set up in the first few months. I was very active with a playgroup and a storytime group at the local library(they have them for infants in some places). Another tip is to suggest memberships to museums, gardens, communtiy theatres and zoos to relatives when they ask for gift ideas for you or the kids, because its always nice to just be able to show and card and get in whenever you feel the urge.

Best of luck!