Doulas?

After the discussion on labor and delivery, I am starting to toss around the idea of a doula. Lunatic, I would be interested in any insight you have to share. To be honest, I don't know exactly what a doula does. Has anyone here had a doula?

Can I find a doula who will work with me if I choose not to have a natural childbirth?

I am also concerned about whether my husband would feel left out?

[PrincessFiona]

Re: Doulas?

I am also concerned about whether my husband would feel left out?

Speaking for my husband...NOT! My hubby would have loved having someone else to do the hard part while he sat and read/watched tv/played on the computer After 4 kids he firmly believes that men don't belong in the delivery room and that it would be better to go back to the 'good 'ole days' when you just came in when all of that pain and mess was over with to hold the baby! Hey, where do WE sign up for that?

I don't know a ton about Doula's but I've seen them on a Baby Story and they attended births there that weren't 'all natural' ...and since I saw it on TV it must be true You might try calling the hospital you are planning on giving birth at to see if they have a list of doulas! I'm curious about what you find out about this!

kris

[Phoebe]

I haven't used a doula, but people who I know have sworn by it! They have had very positive experiences.

Jennifer

[HeartRN]

I definitely could have used one and I really WISH I'd had one!!!! After DH asked me what he could do to help me and I told him he could "sit down and shut the $#%^ up!" he would have appreciated a doula, too!

[Rapunzel]

Well, my understanding is that while one can be a professional doula, the position of doula can be filled by any knowledgeable, experienced, and willing individual. My mother acted as my doula during my first labor/delivery. I honestly didn't realize that was the part she was filling until years later when I learned what a doula was. There were many reasons I wanted her with me during that first, scary experience: She's had four children of her own with wildly different experiences during each delivery. She has great medical training as an RN and could explain to me anything I might not understand. She's also very good at getting things done - which for me was important because I wanted an "advocate" actively making sure I got what I wanted and had what I needed. She reminded me of what to expect and reassured me that all was normal and well (a HUGE stress reliever - when you don't know what you're doing it helps to be repeatedly told that all is well). She was also highly empathetic.

After reading this I thought, "Gee, did my husband do anything during that first labor and delivery?" Well, yes he did. But, he learned a LOT from my mom and he also got the breaks he needed.

It was a wonderful experience for me and I'd do it the same way again. I would recommend that if you are going into your first labor/delivery that you either hire a professional doula or find someone experienced who will fill those shoes well in your personal life.

Jennifer

[Malpka]

I had a doula for my first birth, but not for my second. I think that doulas are invaluable for birthing in the hospital setting, because in most cases your care provider will only be with you right at the end. During my first birth, I had a midwife, but my husband had to take an inservice exam during the middle of my labor My midwife was there with me the entire time, so my doula sort of assisted her in provding comfort. The best part about having her there was the awesome pictures she took!
For my second birth, I chose to just have my husband and my midwife. I had a homebirth, and was really looking for more privacy. I had a very strong connection with my midwife, so I just did not think it was necessary. Also, since Paul is an OB he is a little more in tune witht he needs of birthing women thatn the average guy. If he were not so well versed in birth I may have decided to go with one the second time.

I have many friends who are doulas. Some take clients who are not interested in natural childbirth, but one or two prefer only NCB clients. I think it is wonderful to have that support no matter what type of birth you choose.

[PrincessFiona]

Rebecca....WOW...a home birth!!! How did it go?? Congrats, btw!

[Malpka]

Kris- It went beautifully! DH actually did the catching, and it was just an amazing experience overall

Lunatic- it was not difficult, but only because I am in Richmond. There is one CNM doing homebirths here, and she is really great and widely respected. So much so that even DH's OB attendings were excited that we were homebrithing. DEM's are illegal here, and CNM's who do homebirths are few and far between. I have been active in trying to get legislation through here that would allow for CPMs and make it easier for CNM's to practice in VA without physician supervision. It is so cool that you actually had a homebirth doctor! DH was going to be a homebirth OB if he did not get a fellowship Did your hubby catch your "911 baby"? I am worried about our impending move and future babies. DH will do a three year fellowship at U of Iowa. The health plan there is great, but only covers services provided at their hospital and with their docs. I think for future babies I will just get prenatal care with one of the CNMs who practice in the hospital, but then deliver with DH at home. we will just have to spring for a little equipment There is no way I can imagine doing it in a hospital again!

That is great, Rebecca! When I first read your signature line, I didn't realize it was planned. (Thinking of a friend's SILs "blizzard" baby).

So, back on the doula topic. . .

Since I posted this topic, I have pretty much become convinced that I would like a doula. I am terrified of the labor and delivery experience, and I think a doula would help me feel more confident. My husband on the other hand has dug his heels in, and is totally against the idea of a doula.

So, after many discussions, he finally tells me why . . . he thinks HE can be the doula. After all, he claims, he knows the process (from those three months of births he attended in med school?), he can field any questions I have to the OB, he will tell the nurses we will not follow any policy we find to be too restrictive (for example, you can only walk around for 20 min. of every hour, and have to be in bed on the monitor for the rest of the time). Aren't they going to love us?

He also assures me that he can provide me all the emotional support I need. He is a great, great husband, and will be a wonderful father, but he is not exactly the most calming, encouragaing person in the world. He assures me that he will be in the situation, but I'm not sure.

I think he is afraid that if we have a doula that there will be no role for him.

Bottom line, we are both firmly in our camps, and I don't know what we should do. A possible compromise would be to have my mom there, which he is not as opposed to.

Sorry this is so long. Thanks for listening.

Here is a quick update on this issue:

My husband says to me on Saturday, "go ahead and hire your doula." Turns out he had been talking about this at work, hoping that his collegues would confirm his belief that we shouldn't get a doula. Instead, several of them encouraged the idea. I have an OB attending, and one of his fellow residents to thank. The OB attending told him that she trained in a program where she saw doulas who really helped women through labor. The fellow resident told him that this should really be my decision as I was the one actually going through labor.

So, we are taking the suggestion of hiring a doula who is trained but not yet certified. This will save us a good deal of money. We have gotten to know her because she had been observing/co-teaching the childbirth classes we have been attending for the last five weeks. I'll let you know how it goes.

Emily

[Flynn]

Glad you guys came to some type of agreement.

I did not use a doula for either birth and thought the nurses were more than ample support AND I wanted my husband to be very involved.

It was a good decision for us, I was induced both times so natural childbirth wasn't an option (a realistic one anyway) and my DH came through with SO MUCH support and help I am glad we made the choices we did. Your DH might surprise you with what a trooper he can be. Seeing your wife in pain is no fun and some men really rise to the task at hand.

That's just my experience. You should go with what feels right for you!