They hate each other

[SueC]

My kids are constantly at odds and I was hoping for some ideas to bring a little more peace to my household. At 5 and 3.5, they fight over everything, who gets buckled in first, who gets the flower plate, who sits where, whose turn it is to pick the movie, I could go on and on. They used to play together so nicely, I guess I knew that would eventually come to an end. I think part of the problem is that they really don't have any personal space, since they share a room, toys, clothes, etc. It's impossible to divide their possessions equally, and I refuse to have 2 of everything. The one thing that I have found to help is separating them for 10 minutes or so. I have to count on them playing independently for at least an hour each day so that I can work, which is when they demand the most of my attention to break up their little spats. Unfortunately with my job, it can't be any other way.
Is this just a phase that I have to endure into their teenage years, or does anybody have any great advice???

[HeartRN]

Sue, I honestly don't know, and I really feel for you....do you find they are competing for your attention more than anything? It sounds like it's a competition about everything. I was just thinking (and you probably do it already, anyhow), but maybe they would like spending time with you individually. I don't know if it would make a difference, but I thought I'd suggest it....perhaps they can get more time and space away from each other via scheduled playdates with other kids in their respective age groups, too?

Best of luck....keep us posted.

[Sheherezade]

I wish I had good advice. Unfortunately, my kids have been doing this too for many years now. I've tried every angle I've ever heard, but no luck. The only good news I can offer is that it seems to come and go in phases--some months are really bad and then they get along again. I think the only fool proof method for getting your work done would be to give them each something independent to do for your work time and hope they don't start picking at each other. I feel your pain!!!

No advice - just compassion. I have a 2.5 & almost 4 year old, and while they aren't entirely fighting - there is definite competition. They pick and pick and nudge each other, and when I seperate them, they act as though I've removed one of their limbs.

So frustrating.

[DCJenn]

All I can say is that eventually my brother and I have learned to be in the same room, and I have learned that he has a few redeeming features. The bad news is that it took until he turned 25.

Jenn

I agree with the spend time alone with each child uggestion. DH and I have really good friends who have two kids, and they make a point to take each kid out alone with mom and dad on a regular basis (I'm usually the babysitter for the one who stays home). Sometimes its a movie, sometimes something as cool as a baseball game, but most often its an ice cream cone. They say it does wonders for the quality of life in their house.

I don't have any advice either. But I just wanted to say that your post made we want to call my sister. Growing up, we fought all the time, but at the same time, she was my best friend and still is. I think we taught each other the value of unconditional love and how to fight fair. Although I am sure it wasn't much fun for my mom and dad at the time, and I am sure things won't seem so rosey when my own children are fighting.

[SueC]

Yeah, I didn't get close to my sisters until I was about 18 either. My one sister and I were love/hate our entire childhood, which drove my parents crazy. The other sister was 5 years older so we didn't really fight but weren't close either. I guess I shouldn't expect much more from my girls, so I'm just trying to appreciate the times when they are getting along.

I actually have a brother that died when I was 3 (he was an infant), leaving me as an "only" child. I saw so much fighting between siblings that I never experienced grief over his loss until I was an adult and saw friends that enjoyed their siblings.

If only there were a way to communicate that to kids that would actually make sense (and not be morbid and cruel). All they would hear is blah blah blah blah (Charlie Brown teacher talk).