finding a balance

[Flynn]

So I struggle with this -- being a SAHM with DH who works silly hours, having two kids including and an infant (8 months) who is nursing AND having some time for me. I'm not complaining here -- I have a great life but I sure could use a bubble bath or two once in a while!

I don't have a lot of time for myself (as I'm sure most of you parents know first hand) and am looking forward to weaning DS so I have a little more freedom in about 4 months.

I had the opportunity to "babysitter share" with a high school teacher/now a friend who has the summer off and wanted to get a baby sitter for two hours once a week for her son. I met the sitter, she's 16 ,very responsible and a fun playmate. So now once a week she comes to one of our houses, stays from 10:30 to 12:30 (in between DS morning and afternoon nap) plays with the kids non-stop, and feeds the kids lunch. We each pay her ten dollars because she's great and we want her to keep us on her list of "clients."

I can't tell you how great it's been. Who knew that two hours a week would be this liberating???? I was nuts not to set something like this up before now.

[SueC]

It's amazing what a couple of hours can do! That sounds like a great deal. I've been calling the mommy's helpers in the neighborhood very liberally this summer and it has been great.

[houseelf]

Flynn,

Good for you. I'm sure that this makes me a terrible parent, but I live for my lunch hours on the two days a week that I work. Seriously, I have even taken my kids to the sitters on a rare occasion when I have the day off. I just feel so overwhelmed sometimes and a break is sooooo delightful. Enjoy your new little piece or paradise.

Kelly

[DCJenn]

I was explaining this to my husband the other day- I said something about how I was glad he was around because I needed a break. He said something snotty about was that all he was to me etc. I said- as much as you work, I do, too. AND you get to leave work and come home and chill. My work IS at home...

Oh, he says...I guess you're right.

Jenn

[Flynn]

Jenn --

Yeah, spouses who don't stay home really don't get it until they "somewhat" live it. Just like I don't really get how hard seeing a patient die is...

We are just coming off 7 days of vacation in another state. DH is TIRED. He was wondering why he was tired of course and intead of telling him I let him figure it out. He came home today, the first day at work (on an "easy" rotation) and told me in jest but with a serious thread to it that I was "a good woman." (He is NOT a caveman and really was making a joke about his inability to stay home full time.)

He went on to say that even with my help, seven days with "constant parenting duties" is really HARD.

Oh, I have locked myself away too.


DH is in awe of how I do not implode after a day with the boys. Yeah yeah whatever, just watch them while I go do this chore I can't get to when they are home... :@

[mommax3]

Isn't it amazing, the juxtaposition between work that is extremely challenging and tiring, but at the same time MIND-NUMBINGLY BORING much of the time?

My husband has been telling me for the past 9 or so years that he could not do what I do.....and he couldn't, I know. (At least without a complete personality makeover! ) But even that affirmation from him doesn't make it any easier.

I suppose if I were totally driven and much more disciplined, I would make myself design fun activities for my kids that would interest me as well as them, but I am not a very driven person, nor am I a self-starter. I do school with them, about 3 mornings a week, in the summertime to provide some structure to their day and to fill in gaps/weak areas from the previous year. Other than that, they are to entertain themselves, and pretty much they do, without a whole lot of tv watching. I do all the necessary things that keep the house running and not looking like a junkyard, but my mind is not occupied. I am glad to be home with them, but I just need something for my brain to work on while I am sorting laundry or whatever, and I would like it to be more than whatever is on tv at that moment.

My way of finding time for myself has always been by putting my kids in preschool a couple days a week. It has saved my sanity for sure. Even this summer, I have found out that the school where my kids will go in the fall has a summer care program, and for $7 an hour I can leave all three of my kids! I can re-charge (or get new license plates for the car, as I did today ) and they can socialize with other kids and have a great time. To me, finding this kind of time for myself is vital.

Sally

[PrincessFiona]

Sally,

That is exactly what I struggle with...exactly.

The thing is, I wouldn't trade being at home with them for the world, but there is something so mindnumbing about sitting outside in the 90F heat for 2 hours to supervise swimming or just let the little guy play outside.

I WANT to be here...I want to enjoy it and take it all in...and instead I often find myself bored...which leads to frustration. Then I feel like I'm not enjoying things the way that I'm supposed to be....which makes me feel guilty.

Anyway..I don't know how you find the perfect balance....I know that when I was teaching a lab section (before the prof from hell took over) that I felt a lot more at peace. So I guess for me the answer lies in finding an activity that is stimulating and also doesn't take me away from home more than I want.

[mommax3]

Kris,

One of my best friends and I have said for years that finding the elusive balance between being totally bored while at home w/kids and being totally stressed because you've overcommitted yourself BECAUSE you were bored at home w/kids is one of the hardest things about SAH parenting.

Right now, I am considering going back to school for a master's in marriage/family/community counseling. I haven't quite decided yet, but there is a school here that has a program that can be done on a part-time basis, so I am thinking hard about it. I said I would give myself a year here before I committed to anything "big", and I would like to stick to that, but I guess I could get ready to take the GRE this year, right?

Sally

[houseelf]

um...Sally...will you counsel me?

Kelly

[mommax3]

At this point, it might be like the blind leading the blind, Kelly.

I am still hoping you guys end up in Indianapolis for the next stage of training.....is that even a possibility? It really is nice here.

Sally

[PrincessFiona]

If I'm not here, I can generally be found looking at educational opportunities for myself too. Most recently, I decided that I was going to go back to school to get k-12 certification to teach german Forget the fact that there's no more funding for me to find a job afterwards in the field... I have considered several options myself, but right now I'm not ready to commit...for exactly the reason that you just mentioned...overcommitment. I nearly lost my marbles over the last couple of weeks....I was teaching a 7.30am lab, babysitting a neighbor's child and Thomas was gone to germany. It was too much....I found myself snapping at the kids and being generally bitchy. :|

I think you'd make a great marriage/family therapist.

kris

[houseelf]

I'm not setting my hopes on anywhere. I've learned my lesson.

With our luck, I'm sure that there is a fabulous spot waiting for us in Gnome, Alaska.

(First professional observation for Sally regarding client K.B.--client needs to improve her ability to see that the glass is half full. )

Kelly

[mommax3]

Well, I am pretty interested in it......and it is something I could do part-time, too. It would allow me to help people, even on a volunteer basis, which is something I have always felt drawn to, but lacking in the knowledge that I feel like I would need.

Really, the opportunities I have here compared to where I was in Texas literally take my breath away. I don't want to jump at the first thing, but my MIL was just here (I love her so much!) and she was talking with me about going back to school. She has known me forever and knows that I am bored at home and love being involved with people. She really was encouraging me to check things out. I don't know why I feel like I need permission (I think a lot of women are like this) from someone else to do something for me, but for whatever reason, my conversation with her led to me getting online and finding the program I am interested in. DH is a great guy, and he would never stand in my way if there is something that I want to do, but he is not the type of person that will intiate a conversation about what I might do to be more intellectually stimulated. He expects me to take care of me and let him know what I need, then he does his best to provide it. So, I am trying to take care of myself......but I am a little out of practice!

Sally

[mommax3]

Kelly,

You are cracking me up. You KNOW there is nothing wrong with you that finishing training won't cure.

Hang in there.

Sally