Difficult baby - advice?

I simply don't know what to do with my 11-month old.

Problem 1) He refuses to eat solids and only wants to nurse every 2 hours or so. He will take some solids, but will spit them out. I have tried baby foods, table foods, and all different consistancies.

Problem 2) He won't sleep. I put in his crib awake or asleep and he wakes and screams. I have tried letting him "cry it out" (he will scream for 3 hours). He will cat nao only if in my arms.

Problem 3) I think this is clower to normal, however, he needs to be attached to me or close to me at all times. I can't be across the room. It is very seldom that he will play on his own. I am at a loss!

History: I stayed at home until he was about 5 months old. Had a great schedule (he slept and napped in his crib), was eating a little rice cereal.
At 5 months DH graduated a semester early. He became the SAHD. DH never put DS down. DS didn't want to eat and would wait all day until I came home and then would nurse for 14 hours (every 45 min-1 hour). This happened from Jan-May.

Any advice? I simply don't know what to do anylonger. You would think I would have some idea after having 3 others, but I am going out of my mind!

TIA!

[mommax3]

Yikes, Miranda, that sounds really, really hard! I can see how it happened, though, and now you are going to have to undo the "training" that was done while your husband was at home. I think that you all need to establish a firm schedule with Gavin and stick to it, come hell or high water. I would check with a pediatrician first, to get the go-ahead, and their suggestions, but at this point, the sooner you start changing things, the better.....he will only be more resistant to it the longer you wait.

He sounds like a pretty strong-willed little guy, (I don't mean that in a bad way.....two of mine are extremely strong-willed) so there may be quite a bit of crying, but you need to win this one, because neither of you can keep going like you are. I would rein the nursing WAY back, like 3 or 4 times a day. Have you tried diluted fruit juice in a cup? He seems pretty attached to nursing, so a bottle is probably out, but maybe a cup might work.....have you tried Cheerios, cooked peas that have cooled off, torn up American cheese? None of mine would really eat baby food or cereal at all, so I had to go right to table foods that they could handle.

The truth is, (and I know you know this) if he gets hungry enough, he will eat. How long it will take before he gives in is the hard part. It would be GREAT if you had a trip planned, or if your husband could take over for a few days, (especially because he got this whole thing started) but knowing that he just started his intern year, I doubt that is possible. You are going to have to make a schedule that includes a morning and afternoon nap (or time in his crib) and specific nursing times. Try to get him really tired, but not over-tired before you put him in his crib, and then tell him that it is naptime and WALK AWAY. The first day, let it be for 20 minutes, and if he cries the whole time, so be it, but leave him there the whole time......and then gradually increase the time that you leave him. Try NOT to let him sleep in your arms.....if he falls asleep, put him down immediately. Also, try not to let him sleep unless it is naptime.

He needs the schedule, and you do too, but I KNOW, based on my on struggles when I had babies, that this will be tough. Hang in there.....you will both be happier once you get through it.



Sally

[SueC]

When I first read this post, I was totally at a loss, but I think Sally has some wonderful ideas. Strong-willed babies are a challenge (my first was one of them), but there is a way to get things under control without breaking their little spirits. Cutting back on the nursing is probably a really good place to start. My kids weren't into baby food either, and did much better eating table foods. Sounds like your husband created a little monster!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I think I will start to cut out a few nursings to encourage table foods. Usually he will not eat any table foods (he puts them in his mouth and twirls them arounda nd then pushes them out with his tongue). I have tried feeding him and allowing him to feed himself - both with the same reaction. I suppose if he gets hungry enough he will eat something, right?

Yes, DH did create a monster (carried him in a sling all day).

It is frustrating - especially while I try to teach online. He can be a little "ankle biter". I do agree that if he is on a schedule he may be happier.

Do you think working on one issue at a time may be best? Naps and then feeding and then night time?

If it were me, I'd start with one thing at a time but I think you could make an arguement for doing all the sleep stuff at once and then the food stuff.

Have you asked your pediatrician about it? The reason I ask is that a friend of mine had similar issues with food with her daughter. She would eat from a spoon but not with her fingers or anything with more texture than stage 1 baby food. She just kept at it and right around her 1st birthday she started trying finger food and more texture. My friend's ped said that had it continued, she might need to have an OT (I think?) consultation and possible occupational therapy (or some intervention like that). Just a thought...

Also, is he getting teeth or anything else like that which would make matters worse?

[SueC]

I have a friend whose son did need a little OT for that very issue. He had some tactile defensiveness, and so he wasn't tolerating food with any texture to it at all. I think for your own sanity it would be good to tackle a few things at a time and not try to do everything at once. I would do the sleep things all at once, as you'll just confuse the poor guy if you handle naptime different than bedtime. We do the exact same thing for both--our son (15 months old) gets read Goodnight Moon in the rocking chair, a few snuggles, and then I put him in his bed. He needs the story as a cue that it is time to go to sleep, and the few times I've plunked him in his crib without the story he has cried.

[DCJenn]

My nephew drove everyone crazy for a while by spitting out the solids- like he'd suck the sauce off of mac and cheese and spit out the noodles. Gagged on everything hard. Finally they realized that he was getting a huge bottle of milk both at home and at daycare at 4pm and he really wasn't hungry when they were trying to feed him. they have forgone the big "afterschool snack" and he's gobbling up everything now.

Jenn

Is this relatively new behavior? Is it possible that he is teething and just being a bit "needy" right now?
I hope you get some relief soon!

This has happened for the past 2 months or so. It really became apparent after moving. Then again, I wasn't at home with him until then (I was working and DH stayed at home).

My nephew drove everyone crazy for a while by spitting out the solids- like he'd suck the sauce off of mac and cheese and spit out the noodles. Gagged on everything hard. Finally they realized that he was getting a huge bottle of milk both at home and at daycare at 4pm and he really wasn't hungry when they were trying to feed him. they have forgone the big "afterschool snack" and he's gobbling up everything now.

Jenn

I think that may be it. Or, he is starving and only wants comfort food (me). Yesterday I had a job interview and a friend watched him. He ate a whole jar of sweet potatoes and a portion of a jar of apples and plums. She held him on her lap to do so. I am going to try that. I am now keeping track of his breastfeedings (writing down) so that I can know which ones may be causing problems.

[HeartRN]

First, let me say I'm sorry this is such a hard time for you guys! Our little girl slept in our bed until she was almost a year old, and nursed ALL NIGHT LONG. We pretty much went cold turkey after I had a plan....it was definitely painful for the first few nights, but then she (and I) got the hang of it. Exhaustion won out over patience in this instance! The thing I found has really helped us was ritual. The last book we read at night or before nap time is "Time for Bed". It's like Pavlov's dog...she hears me start to read it and almost immediately gathers her baby doll and blanket and lies down on the floor. Every now and then there are tears, but that's when she's REALLY tired or sick. Hope this helps....oh...the book that helped us with sleep issues was "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". It's the only thing that made me feel letting her cry would be ok (it was still hard though! ) Take care, and let us know how it goes!