Hitting!

[Cumberland]

My sweet girl has started hitting, usually just me or DH, when she is tired or cranky. I am not sure how to go about this- I have been trying time outs but they dont seem all that effective. Just now I tried putting her in the corner and holding here there face in. She just stood there calmly while I counted to 30 and I dont think she had any idea why she was standing there. Each time she hits, I take her hands and look her in the eye and say, "No Ma'am, I dont like that" in a calm but firm voice.

My mom gave me this book about carrying a little wooden spoon and giving a tiny tap with verbal reinforcement when they do something like that, never enough to hurt, and never in anger, and after a few times they just need the verbal reinforcement. It kind of made me uncomfortable though, bc when they obey it is really out of not wanting to get popped right? But I do need to do something more than what is going on right now.

She will be 18months next week.... and very independent.

DD turned 18 months today! And boy, is she getting in touch with her inner 1 1/2 year old.
We have some hitting here too. I usually just so "No hitting, that hurts me/mommy" or "ouch, hitting hurts, no hitting". She understands "hurts" and "ouch".
It is frustrating. I remember with my first fearing that she was going to become a hitter. I think it is just a stage and representative of their independence and frustration with not being able to verbalize. BUT, you have to keep on top of it, too. It might take a little while of repeatedly giving her the same response. Also, I have found time outs to be less successful when fatigue is involved (and sometimes not worth it for that reason).

[Vanquisher]

How I handled this with my son several years ago is to take the hand that he hit with and hold it, firmly, but not hard. Then, I would kneel down so that my face was right next to his, in a firm and low voice I would say, "No. No Hitting." I think time outs aren't really effective until about 2 years old. Maybe in some kids they are earlier. I find that verbal cues (not yelling), but tones that are low and authoritative get the point across. Also, distraction and removal from situations. In the case of hitting though, I think a repeated firm "No" should do the trick. As long as you are doing it in a way that it isn't a game, with a lilt or softened tone. Make sure you make eye contact, and they will understand. It may take a few tries, but I think the point will be taken that hitting is unacceptable.

[DCJenn]

I do "holding time" which is not the same as hugging. I got the book by the same name by Martha Welsh. Since we're not speaking the same language, it's helped with discipline issues. (biting and hitting). Especially since he's only one and developmentally, even if he had the words, it would still be meaningless.

I think it's really helped us bond as his parents, too. It's certainly not a technique for everyone, but check to see if your library has it and see if it might work for you all. I will smack his hands if he's about to kill himself, but since he doesn't have words, I can't really blame him for wanting to hit or bite. So, we do this and it has helped.

Jenn

It's definitely a stage. I'm dealing with the 19-month old hitting his baby sis and sometimes me and DH. I read something recently about it just being a stage at this point in development and that they don't really know that they're hurting someone and it doesn't really help to make them apologize because children that age don't feel empathy.

Of course, my little guy has a speech delay and the speech pathologist said that he's at the understanding level of a 12 month old, which makes it harder because I feel like he has no clue what I'm saying to him. However, his speech teacher (yes, we have a team of speech people coaching him... *sigh*) told us to simply look him straight in the eye and say "No hit" in a firm voice. It's simple enough for him to understand, evidently. However, now my DS has taken to mocking me--if I tell him "No ___" (whether it be No hit, No climb, etc.) he pauses, looks at me, says "No! No!" and then continues doing whatever it is that he's not supposed to...

[Phoebe]

I think its a stage. DD#2, 21 months, has been hitting for awhile now. It started out with mom and moved on to sister and other kids. I usually respond by saying, No hitting, hitting hurts. She thinks it is funny and an attention getter, nonetheless. I have resorted to trying time outs (not effective) or putting her in crib. I know she understands to not hit, but she still does. I usually ignore her hitting me and if she hits another child I have her apologize and give verbal cues about what she can say to them. I think she hits other kids to get there attention so I tell her to say, Hi.

Jennifer

DD, who is 22 months, and I are struggling with this as well. She started hitting when she was a lot younger, but it was very rare. Now its increased, but its limited to DH and myself. I tried time outs, but that didn't work. I honestly don't think she understood what was going on. I tried to have her say "sorry", which she would do, but now she has started being sorry for everything, and its kind of lost is meaning. The next thing I going to try is when she hits, to say "no" very seriously and then let it be over. I am sure this is a stage, but the thing is, she so knows she is being sassy, and that just drives me crazy.

[pstone]

Oh My!

You are all scaring me, is it bound to happen to me? My little boy has not started this at all, but now I am scared.

Best wishes to you.

[Cumberland]

Be scared. My adorable 9 month old has turned into an 18 month old wild woman. I dread taking her to stores, restaurants, on planes, long car trips etc. She is still wonderful but probably twice the work. I just started back to work this week and it has been a relief!!!

[Sheherezade]

Be scared. My adorable 9 month old has turned into an 18 month old wild woman. I dread taking her to stores, restaurants, on planes, long car trips etc. She is still wonderful but probably twice the work.

See Peter? Things will pick up for you at home!

[pstone]

You must really think that is funny!

[Sheherezade]

I just love using the laughing guy!

... and I do think it is ironic that sometimes we wish for more activity and get the wrong kind.