pre-school crying

[Flynn]

We have gone to pre-school four times now. The kids go for two and a half hours. It's a summer program with the school where I hoped to get a spot for the fall. I just found out we DID get a spot! Yippee!

My "almost three year old" left me the first day with a wave, second day with a bit resistance, third day with crying, and now the fourth day was a pretty big fit. The good news is that both teachers say it is short lived AND more importantly when I pick her up she has had the time of her life and is SO happy to show me all of her artwork.

Question: Can this crying when I leave go on forever or is it most likely a phase?

I think this school is a great place to be, AND my toddler can use some fun activities without Mommy and ten month old brother. She likes being with other "big kids."

Anyway, I'm new at this and I hate to leave her when she's so upset. (but I do )

Before you know it you'll be reminding her to give you a good-bye kiss...

Too true!

That is tough. I'll bet it is just a phase and gets better in a few weeks. Does she cry for very long after you leave?

Younger than your daughter, but my 18 month old just stopped crying when we left her with the sitter. It has taken about 5-10 times with her here. And she always stops crying within a few minutes of us leaving.

My son always gave me a hard time getting ready for pre-school. No crying, just a lot of "I don't want to go" and then refusing to get ready.

I can't say it got better ... but he's a tough nut to crack.

I'm hoping it's a bit more smooth with the new school. Good luck w/yours!

[mommax3]

I bet it will stop before too much longer. Two of my boys did this to some extent, and I learned that the best (and hardest ) thing to do is leave quickly.....and then stand outside the door and listen. We got so we had a little conversational routine "You know, Mommy is going to leave you here to play with your friends, and today you will get to (whatever you know that they like or something that is planned for that day) while I run some errands, and after rest time (or lunch or whatever) I will be back to pick you up. I love you very much, have fun!" and then I was OUT the door, but listening outside, unbeknownst to them. I think once they figure out that Mommy will always come back, they are better. Good luck! I would even call the school sometimes to make sure they were okay if they had had a hard time at drop-off.

Sally

[Flynn]

Thanks guys. I DO think it's a phase since she cries for a couple of minutes after I leave and not longer. It sure is hard though.

In the dollar section at Target today there was a "Princess" coloring book. I HAD to get it. I gave it to her telling her it was because "I know you were sad today when I left but you were so brave to have fun until I came to get you at the end of school." She looked thrilled and told me she DID have fun but did not like "when I left her." I make sure to remind her that I will ALWAYS come back and she seemed to be ok with that while paging through her new coloring book.

She is not much of a napper but after school she sleeps a minimum of two hours. I am lucky to get an hour on a regular basis so this is a double bonus for Mommy and I really want to make this work!

Thanks again guys. We'll keep at it and hopfully get ahead of the crying.

It has become such a habit that I forgot I did this -- I have a similar "line" as Sally's about "I'm leaving now but you get to do (something fun) and I'll be back....". Drop-off isn't really an issue any more but I'm sure that the routine of saying the same thing helps.

Hang in there! You've got quite a pay-off with that nap.

[pstone]

You all make me so scared about my future with the little boy. Missing them, crying, etc....I just want him to walk and say DaDa in context...

I've had four kids go through preschool and the biggest thing I've noticed is if the parent looks or acts worried at all, the child assumes you don't think they can handle it...and then they don't handle it well. Pay attention to your facial expression and what you say. I would suggest staying away from anything that reminds her that she's sad when you leave (including comments or rewards, unless the reward is for saying goodbye nicely that day). Then constantly tell her what a great day she had. Rarely does a child keep crying for more than a minute after the parent leaves, so it becomes an attention trap after the first couple of days of anxiety. I had read this advice before I sent my first one and put it into practice. Only with one did I have some problems, but he's my high-maintenance kid anyway. It pulled at my heartstrings to leave him and that made it worse. After a couple of months I just ignored the crying/struggle and pushed him in the door and walked away (they had a half door that the teacher would close behind me). He soon realized that I wasn't going to pay any attention to the fit and he missed out on hugs and kisses because he was too busy being upset.

Just my 2 cents!

Sara

[Sheherezade]

I had this trouble with one of mine. He was a basket case everyday for a week. Then, the teacher had a medical crisis and was briefly replaced - back to a basket case for my son. He finally was comfortable with me leaving after he "bonded" with one of the other children. I assume he had that feeling you get when you walk into a cocktail party and don't know a soul; it is nerve racking, particularly if unstructured. After he knew the school and the other children he felt more comfortable with me leaving. I did go, though, everyday (and hovered nearby). It was very hard. I hope she gets more comfortable soon.

[houseelf]

My DS went through some amount of separation anxiety for a very long time. You have received great advice, but I just have to say that the day that they appear to not care at all that you are leaving is much harder than when they cling to your leg. :|

This past Spring I volunteered for the festival at DS's school and then had to leave him there for the afternoon. I was all prepared for at least a little anxiety and he was like, "Mom, I gotta go get in line with my class...I'll see you later."

While I'm so proud of his independence and thrilled that he loves school, his burgeoning independence also is my heart break.

Kelly