When to cave

[SueC]

We had our usual bedtime room-cleaning scuffle tonight and now I'm trying to decide if I should stick to my guns with the punishment. My gut tells me I should even though it wasn't entirely fair. I sent the girls to their room to pick up (it wasn't even that bad, there were some Barbie things and some dirty clothes on the floor) and told them if they didn't work together to get it clean then there would be no TV for the whole weekend. Over the course of the next half hour, Maya (the 5yo) came up at least 2-3 times to tell me Sydney (4yo) wasn't cleaning. I don't doubt that she was telling the truth. I finally went down and told them to get their jammies on and go to bed and there would be no TV for the weekend. Maya of course is devastated because she really was trying to clean while her sister was allegedly screwing around. I told her I knew it wasn't fair and tried to sympathize with her but told her I wasn't going to change my mind. I think over the course of the weekend Sydney eventually will feel bad that she is causing both of them to be punished, at this point she could really give a crap. Right after I told them they couldn't watch TV she came in to tell me how much she loves me (obviously trying to use her charm to alleviate the situation). What do you guys think? Am I mean and unfair?

Nah, not mean, not unfair. You took away tv, not dinner . I'd do no tv tomorrow, and if they are otherwise well behaved, let them have Sunday, and tell them that is what you are doing. That should be enough for them to respect your authority(in your best Cartman voice) and know that you will follow through on punishment, but still show that you can appreciate their efforts to do their share.

Respect my 'thority!

I think you will get a lot of mileage out of this Sue -- it was fair and it will be worth it.

--said easily when I'm not the one being asked 487 times to watch tv....

[Flynn]

Stick to your guns. Maybe the one not helping will say she should be the one who doesn't get to watch TV because the other sister was?

If they can "work out a reasonable solution" by themselves and bring it to you, maybe you can bend a bit BUT it's your call.

We have had similar issues when Drew was bucking the system. I felt that some times I was being to hard on him, so we had a talk about being able to "earn" back some of the lost priviledges. It has worked great, sometimes he may not get the things that were lost, but it improves his behavior after the incident.

Just what we have done here...

[Sheherezade]

We've had similar issues with our two when we've made a rule for both and one broke it. My oldest came to us last year and told us (almost tearfully) that he wished we'd stop punishing him for things his sister wouldn't do - as in clean up a mess they'd made, etc. I felt terrible. I do think it bred ill will between them. Since then, we are careful to give each an independent assignment - as in you pick up the stuffed animals, you pick up the plastic toys -so that the little one doesn't just sit back and laugh while big brother does all the work. And no, the little one never "felt bad" and ponied up for punishment alone.

I say stick to your guns this time, but try to avoid it next.