No gifts, please

We just got a birthday invitation for a 5 yo's party that included a line "no gifts, please." His mom told me he has plenty of toys as it is and they decided to draw a line.

I think it is an interesting idea and I might consider this for future parties.

[Malpka]

I was just thinking about this today. For each of DS's b-day parties I have requested no gifts. (he has too many already, and two sets of competing grandparents) All of my friends did the same thing. It was very refreshing, and certainyl made things easier.

Now that we have moved, the kids parties are SO different. In Richmond it was a big barbeque and drinks type of event. Here it is cupcakes and present opening. Lots of present opening. I still would want to do a no-presents party, but am worried it might come off sort of snotty. We have already been to several birthday parties and brought gifts, and I would hate to make those people feel strange. Sigh.

I still would want to do a no-presents party, but am worried it might come off sort of snotty. We have already been to several birthday parties and brought gifts, and I would hate to make those people feel strange. Sigh.

That's kind of what I was thinking. I was all ready to go "no gifts" for DD's last party until one of the parents told me that her daughter had picked out something special. That gave me a different perspective and I'm on the fence. For DD's 2nd birthday, I would love to have a get-together with friends but she really doesn't need any gifts. Maybe I'll test it out with her.

For her 5th birthday DD got a "gift certificate" to go on a boat float down a nearby river. I think that was a great gift idea but you can't really ask that everyone do that, can you?

[Rapunzel]

For the last couple of years we have only thrown "no gift, please" birthday parties. My kids have TONS of gifts already. Soooo, we just invite people over for the fun and the sugary baked goods.

Jennifer

[houseelf]

We have included "no gifts" on our son's last two birthday parties, which has mostly gone ignored. All these presents just add to the excess. If DS attends a birthday party, I refuse to buy toys. I gift either a book or something disposable like bath bubbles, markers, or playdoh which kids run out of on a regular basis.

But then again, I'm just a crank.

Kelly

I love the "disposable" gift idea. I can't remember the exact "rules" but a former co-workers friends family had a requirement that all Christmas gifts were essentially disposable -- food, movie gift certificate, bubble bath -- things that don't pile up in drawers. Hallelujah!

I've decided that I am going to start on the no-gift route. We have three sets of doting grandparents and that provides plenty of gifts and toys. And we are at capacity. If a friend has a special gift, she can give it outside of the party. I think we will do that for the party we were invited to. The birthday boy loved coming over to our house to pick blueberries so I think I will make him a special decorated freezer bag of frozen berries and give the gift of antioxidants.

[Rapunzel]

I also like the books or disposable gifts idea. I think I'm going to start putting that one into practice!

Jennifer

[Amiens]

For Emma's 2nd birthday I think we requested "no gift required." Anyway, a few of our friends called and said they wanted to get Emma something. But when I told them "Please you don't have to get her anything, she has so much already, they responded that they found it a good way to teach their children charity, love, and being generous. So how could I say no to that?

I request that people get the kids either consumables- craft stuff (paints, playdoh, coloring books, etc) or books. We love books and I don't think you can ever have too many books.

As far as the grandparents- my inlaws give the kids a small item like stickers or a small junk toy (you know the kind that is cheap, breaks after a few uses, and then throw it out) and money to go into their college or savings fund.

Crystal

[PrincessFiona]

What's a birthday party without a few gifts? Really, I'll be the nagging voice here that says...sometimes a little excess is ok...as long as the gifts aren't too expensive! I usually ignore the no gifts rule, so..don't invite me!

[DCJenn]

For Nikolai's 2nd, I'm planning on asking people to bring art supplies that I can then donate to the local elementary school. Half of these kids or more live in the projects that surround my little oasis and I'm sure that it's a struggle for them to get art supplies- and the teachers can't afford to keep shelling out! I figure that's a win-win for all.

jenn

[PrincessFiona]

I guess I'm just "out there"... I can't imagine not allowing a bday party without a few gifts...as long as you aren't inviting the whole school over...

I guess I'm just "out there"... I can't imagine not allowing a bday party without a few gifts...as long as you aren't inviting the whole school over...

That's the other voice over my shoulder. And I wouldn't want to offend anyone by saying that *can't* bring a gift. I like the donation idea -- to bring something to donate. For the last party, I did try to cycle some stuff out to consign and Goodwill.

I guess I just feel like the kids get nice gifts from grandparents and we have enough stuff crammed in the house as it is. My dad has been doing the college fund donation as a birthday gift and I like that, too. It's a nice way to explain savings to kids in terms of what you do with the check.

Last year, we decided that Bryn's present from us would be her birthday party. We told her that and she was fine with it.

[SueC]

I really wanted to do no gifts for Maya's birthday (3 days after Christmas) but I was really torn for the above reasons. I honestly think that most people would bring a gift either way, and most of our friends are really good about keeping it simple. I used to try to buy something really creative or educational for birthdays, but I've recently started buying toys that are purely for fun. I keep it small, like an action figure or video, though, and definitely not anyting with lots of pieces.

Has anyone heard about kids asking for donations in lieu of gifts? I seems to remember a newstory about some girls asking party guests to bring canned goods and clothing for a homeless shelter or something similar.


I'm a disposable gifter too, crayons, playdoh, big pads of drawing paper, tub tints.

[Sheherezade]

I usually buy something wacky that I would never get my kids because it is completely impractical -like a long robot arm or one of those light up whirling toys. If it breaks, oh well. At least in our house, the kids don't get those things. Now that the kids are older, I have them pick out something that they think their friend would enjoy. I have no problem throwing a no gifts party for my kids - but I haven't. We have been to several, although my daughter did think it was strange last time. She bought an elaborate card for her friend that turned into a puzzle.

I think the gift-giving phenomenon has turned into a moral dilemma. Everywhere we've lived, there is a different standard. Some places have no gifts parties, some have no opening of presents at the party, some have presents opened by the child wearing a crown on a big chair. It is a cultural thing that trips me up whenever we move. I say do what works for you and your daughter. Don't make a big deal out of it though. If someone wants to bring a gift, they are not shallow and materialistic. If someone wants a no gifts party, the aren't a flaky bohemian. Who knew birthday gifts could be a red state/blue state issue? If there is a way to say "No gifts" without suggesting that consumerism is immoral, I'd try that. As in "No gifts, please. We're going to be so busy with other things, and what my daughter really wants most is to have fun with her friends."