The Fing 4's

[Phoebe]

Using Luanne's terminology....

What was it generally like for your 4 year olds? This is new territory for me and I haven't read much yet. My daughter is normally intense, but lately she has taken it to a new level. She has outbursts over trivial things and she hasn't been making friends as easily as she used to so she isn't enjoying school as much. I'm not sure if this is a normal phase or not.

To help, I have been spending more one-on-one time with her and trying to schedule more playdates for her. They haven't gone well. I feel like she is having a harder time navigating her emotions and realizing more how her environment affects her. Have your kids gone through a similar phase or should I be concerned?

Thanks, Jennifer

[Vanquisher]

This isn't much help, but I loved 4 with my son. I wish I could have frozen him there forever. He was compliant, sweet, eager to please, eager to learn, etc.

My son has always been not very normal and very easy to parent though.

I loved 4 and 2. Three was a bit harder, but really, not all that bad. He tested me, but just barely. I don't have a clue how my daughter will be. Should I be afraid?

Jennifer, I'm sorry. Sounds very frustrating. I remember with Bryn (intense, strong willed, aware child) worrying that she was turning into a head-spinning pea soup vomiting brat. I'm trying to remember if that happened much at four? I think there were periods when she did. More at 2 and 3, though. Anyway, I think it was that those periods were just so intense that it was hard to see how she was going to come out of it. Sort of the saying of "if you make that face it will stick like that forever" and I thought we were doomed. The latter part of four and now five has been a lot better for us.

My advice would be to just hang on and stay firm in routine and expectations because that consistency will be comforting to her. (Even as she rails against it). She sounds very aware of her environment and that increasing awareness can be scary for them -- seeing good and bad parts of the world, things that can't be changed/fixed, etc.

[Phoebe]

Thanks for the feedback. Her outburst, though annoying, don't bother me too much. I just worry that I am not doing enough for her and feel bad that she isn't making the friends in school like she did last year. I am working on teaching her coping skills like what to do when she gets paint on her hands instead of freaking out.

Her father is an anxious person, maybe she inherited it.

Jennifer

[Ames]

This is the age group I teach and one thing I've noticed about this age is the kids often have a tough time with their emotions during this stage because they really aren't babies or toddlers anymore and therefore are trying to learn how to deal with their emotions like a "big" kid and are more aware of their surroundings and starting to be influenced by peers and what they think. I have four year olds in my class who get upset because someone told them their drawing wasn't cool even though they have no idea what that even means. One stratergy we use with the kids to help them deal with their emotions is giving them the words to voice the things that are bothering them instead of freaking out about them and talking through the steps of what can be done instead. For example if she was freaking out because she got paint on her hands 1st calm her down and then give her the specific steps she should do instead (get a towel, wash hands with soap, etc).

My advice would be to just hang on and stay firm in routine and expectations because that consistency will be comforting to her.

I totally agree, kids love boundries because they really have no idea what to expect out of the world and which things are worth freaking out over and which are not. We tell our kids that "it's ok to cry but crying is for when you are hurt because it lets us (the teachers in my case) know that you are hurt and you need our help. If you are not hurt then you need to use your words and tell me what's wrong instead of crying because when you cry I think you are hurt." We try to reserve crying for the more serious matters to help them get out of the habit of crying over everything (as is the case with some of my kids.) Ok I feel like I've been rambling on here so I hope some of this helps and makes some sense.