advice

[Ames]

Hey All,
I don't know why I didn't think of this sooner but... I am a Preschool Teacher. I have my BS in Early Childhood Education and so I know the Birth - 7 year old crowd pretty well. I've worked most with 2.9 - 5 year olds but I've got experience up to 8 year olds if you ever need advice on developmental stages feel free to drop me a PM and I'll start reading the posts in the parents section to see if I can be of any help.

Cool! Thanks for the offer!

Now I am even more jealous of DC Jenn's babysitter.

[DCJenn]

I TOLD you people that I was exceptionally cool.

Amy- I will certainly be taking you up on the offer! I need a cold hard assessment of the little dudes language skills.

Jenn

[PrincessFiona]

I'm with Nellie...jealous, jealous, jealous.

Amy, how do I hire you as my nanny?


kris

[Ames]

There are a couple of things that I have issues with. First of all, and the thing that bothers me the most, is she should NOT be giving you any negitive feedback about Ben's day in front of the other parents. If she wants to talk to you then she really needs to pull you aside and talk to you, it is totally unprofessional for her to be talking about issues Ben is having in class around the other parents. I have a couple of quetions for you. 1. You mentioned that she was previously the company treasurer, does she have previous teaching experience? 2. Is there a lead teacher in the room and if there is, is it her or the other teacher? Either way I think you should approach her first, at least about the feedback thing. Just mention to her that you'd appreciate it if she didn't give you feedback about your son while the other parents are standing there. From the things you have told me, I feel like she is acting inappropriately, especially if she IS the lead teacher. If she is not the lead teacher, maybe you can mention it to the other teacher also because as the lead teacher it's their responsibility to make sure the other teachers are interacting with you in a professional manner. The reason I asked about her teaching experience is becuase as I sat here and thought over your post, I began to think that it sounds to me like she is either being plain rude or else she is feeling nervous about her new position and is trying to break the ice by joking with you and Ben. I can tell you that I am a very sarcastic person and there are plenty of 4 year olds who get my humor. However, if your son is not one of them, or if she was using it to make a point to him and not just to be joking around with him, then it is not ok. I can tell you from experience that if she only sees you two days a week, she may feel like she has a harder time connecting with you then with other parents. I know that there is a big difference between the parents who I see everyday and the ones I only see twice a week because I just become much more comfortable around the ones I see everyday. I am also a very straight forward kind of person and if we are having an issue with something I will just come out and tell the parents. Maybe she has a hard time with that and tries to joke with you to diffuse an awkward topic. Being called teacher, as opposed to my name, is not something that bothers me but I have a coworker who it drives absolutly crazy. If your son only comes twice a week, it's totally possible that he is just blanking on this womans name and therefore calls her teacher instead of Hey you. I would talk to Ben about this and if he is having trouble with her name, practice at home with him. As far as the taffy goes, are you sure they are allowed to eat candy at school? At my current center, and also at the one in Boston, we didn't allow candy at school. If a child had a piece of candy with them we asked them to keep it in their lunch bag and eat it when they were picked up. It seems odd to me that he was able to eat one piece and not the other though. I think you should also mention the lunch thing to her because it's better to clear the air about small things then to let them build up. It may have been a miscommunication between what she meant and what Ben understood. For example maybe he said, "I'm full." and she replied, "Then save your taffy and eat it in the car" which you obviously didn't know about when you gave it to his sister. Even if you know they are allowed to eat candy at school I would probably play dumb and say something to her like, "the other day Ben had some small candies in his lunch and he got upset in the car becuase I let his sister eat the taffy and he told me you had said he had to eat it in the car. Are the kids not supposed to eat candy at school?" This should hopefully give her the chance to explain what happened without you having to come off sounding upset over what may have been a misunderstanding. If you are noticing more and more problems and things don't get better once you talk to her then I think you should mention something to the director, If you are comfortable with this director and you think she/he will act professionally. I only say this because I have had some directors who would blow a complaint out of proportion and cause more trouble then the whole thing was worth. My director now would be great to talk to because she is very understanding and would be able to bring up the issues to us without causing problems. You can also request a parent teacher meeting if you feel like you are still having issues with this teacher. Hopefully it's just a misunderstanding and things will work out for you and Ben. Let me know how things go. Hope this was helpful! Amy
PS I don't know why DF says i talk too much??? :>

[Ames]

Kris,
Where do you live again...because I remember it as being somewhere cold :{ and far away from here. I think the nanny thing is out

[twinsmom]

Okay Amy aka SUPERNANNY! I've got a question for you as well...

I have 3 1/2 year old boy-girl twins. They are starting to get into the "I'm a girl, You're a boy" stage with activities like putting bows in the hair is "for girls" Wearing dresses is "for girls". My issue is my son LOVES to wear dresses and play all of the cutsie dress up things with daughter. He also LOVES his swords and 'boy' types of toys - but he seems to be very upset when we talk about times when "boys do this, and girls do this" (for example: boys where suits to church and girls wear dresses). There have also been times when I am painting my nails that they come in and both want their nails painted, which I have done without really worrying about it... (dh had a whole different reaction when he saw that his sons toenails where... pink!! - He didn't get upset or anything, mainly laughed and said, "Seth, I'm buying you a truck for your birthday!")

Okay - sorry I'm being so winded about this... my main question at this stage (3 1/2 years) - should I be concerned that DS is SO adamant about wanting to do the girl stuff - he vehemently refuses to be the "prince" when they play fairytale - he insists on being the princess right along with DD. Today they were brushing my hair and trying to put pony tails in it, and DD was talking about how ponytails are for girls and then was saying, "I'm a girl, mommy, you a girl. Seth, you a boy, daddy a boy, and Benjamin a boy" Seth got so upset and said, "No, I NOT a boy!"

He has kind of a hard time with DH - since DH isn't around a whole lot (big surprise there!!), DS is pretty much scared of him when he IS around, and clings to me like crazy. I wonder if he is just not wanting to be 'linked' to DH like that??

The main bottom line is, should I be worried about this? Is this just a phase, or should I start taking an active role in helping him embrace his 'boyhood'?? Does this make ANY sense whatsoever??

Thanks for listening (or reading as the case may be!)

Jen B.

[Rapunzel]

Ummm... I think you meant to post this in the other thread? (As opposed to the one about preschoolers and advice on them).

Just teasing.

More questions for Amy! Did you know that this was what you were getting into???

My boys (3 and 4) seem to keep pushing the envelope, and assuming the envelope is my head, it's about to burst.

Quinn (3) has, in just the past 2 days: poured cocoa on the dog's head, and then hid the stain on the carpeting, bit the dog, stuck his tounge in between two windows at a store in the mall, and tried to eat the air freshener. This is a verbal boy with a quick temper. He kicks and hits his brother (who does it right back, or first depending on the situation) and whines CONSTANTLY. Everything is a drama to him - HUGE. Throws himself on the floor, wailing. I do not give into his tantrums, but he continues to have them - for well over a year. At his PDO he's FINE - really cooperative and well behaved. He can also act as though potty trained, while at home he couldn't care less. I've always said that Quinn can go from "perfectly fine" to "someone is sticking a hot poker in my eye" in about 60 seconds .... and it's true.

Jacob (4 1/2) has a very sweet, kind, helpful side that most often shows if his brother is not around. Lately he has been a lot more coopertive and better at following instructions. Today, however, he spit water at his brother's face, then peed in his closet when he was sent to his room for time out. He is a huge antagonizer to his brother (expected, I know), and often sets Quinn up to get him in trouble.

I was raised as an only child, and wasn't around boys much. I have only 2 cousins, both girls, and my mom's friends seemed to have only girls. I just don't have much experience (or patience) or the shenanagins of these guys -- and I never feel secure in where I'm drawing the line (too soft or too hard).

What have you got for me??

[Flynn]

Amy -- as a former teacher who likes to think she was good at what she did I think YOU ROCK my friend!

Your comments are so thoughtful and balanced. Kudos.

[Ames]

Jen B,
First, I LOVE Supernanny!! I want that job, it's fantastic! I've only seen it one time but it was a marathon and I was mesmerized for HOURS. As far as the dress up stuff goes, I wouldn't worry. We encourage our boys to spend as much time in the dress up area as possible and they are allowed to wear which ever clothing they like, including the high heels. I figure I'm doing my part to try and create some sensitive men before the rest of the world gets a hold of them However, I do think that you should address the fact that he doesn't identify with being a boy. Is there any other strong male figure in his life that he could identify with? I wouldn't be overly worried about it but I would probably look up some childrens books that deal with being a boy or a dad, sorry I can't think of any off the top of my head. I don't think it's anything to be concerned about right now, just something to keep an eye on. We've got a 3.5 yr old at the center who thinks he's a dinosaur so...it could be worse. If I see any good books I'll let you know. Amy

We've got a 3.5 yr old at the center who thinks he's a dinosaur so...it could be worse.

A friend of mine had a cat named "star kitty". Another friend's son loved the cat SO much that he wanted to change his name to Star Kitty and would only respond to that name (or try to anyway). Come to think of it, he was around 3 or 4 when that happened. He would purr and meow instead of talking.