Parenting Advice...

How do you all maintain your parenting self-confidence? I find it hard to feel self-confident in the face of criticism or misbehavior...what is the SECRET????

Kris
Time is a Dressmaker, Specializing in Alterations!

Kris, I would like to know the answer to that too. My self-confidence is VERY weak in the parenthood department. I think I need to look at the little accomplishments as major achievements and try not to worry what other people think so much. Much easier said than done and I am NOT succeeding at the moment. It has been a rough week and my kids have suffered from my too busy schedule and impatience. I swear they took hyper pills every day this week. I would love to hear how others do it. Kris, with all the different stories that you tell of the things you do with your kids, it sounds like you are doing a wonderful job and should be very proud of your accomplishments.

Robin

Kris -
You know that I have no kids and have never been a parent, but I would say that you just can't worry about what other people think! I know it's often easier said than done but really -who are they?! You have to be a little snappy/feisty in a way so that you don't get trampled on by other people's comments, looks, etc. You know your kids and if they are doing well in your eyes and Thomas' eyes - to heck with the others.
My mom was a very non-traditional parent and who knows what sort of stares she received when we were younger - I don't remember at all but I do remember what an incredible mother she was/is - make your kids proud - they are who matters in life - NOT these stuffy, bitchy, uptight, freaky moms who need more than anything in life to live outside of the box for once!

[Meenah]

Pretend they aren't yours!!!! If they are acting out in a store, tell them in a loud voice that when their parents get back from their vacation they will be very unhappy when you tell them how they acted. They will be so confused they will shut up and just stare at you!!!! I really never tried this, but my sister said it works!!
Luanne

I love that idea Luanne. I am going to try it and see what my boys do. It could be fun just to see the look on their faces, whether it works or not! At least it would put some humor into the situation! Thanks.

Robin

Hahaha Luanne....does this approach work with husbands too? Imagine the look on my hubbies face or any passerbys if I say "when your 'real' wife gets back from vacation....."

Parenting is a tough job, but the experiences that I've had over the last year are slowly teaching me to trust myself...I had a great conversation last night with Finny's gymnastic's teacher. She has a child with ADHD and told me the story of all of the things that the schools did the first few years. She really had to fight the whole system for her child and was very unpopular with the schools...but she doesn't care. She is taking care of her children and that's all that matters to her...and I think it's all that should matter to me too..I'm tired of being so sensitive to what other people think..good or bad..I'm just going to have to grow into this.

Anyway, it's funny, Robin that you say that you feel insecure, because I see you as a very competent, caring mom and I value your opinion. I'm very appreciative to everyone in this forum for taking the time to listen to me even when I've gone through a bad stretch............



Kris
Time is a Dressmaker, Specializing in Alterations!

[Meenah]

Good for you Kris. Just think, 20 years from now who is going to remember how you acted or what you said? Your children or their various teachers? I keep telling my husband this too. Who is going to remember where he was every night all night long, his patients or his wife!!!
Luanne

What is the secret to not caring about criticism of my parenting abilities? Deaf ears and a thick skin. Seriously, on the few occasions I have faced open criticism of my parenting skills I have had a great time turning it back on the criticizer (the mote in my eye vs the beam in yours type thing). If I recieve dirty looks I generally ignore them or just smile. You will always have others eager to point out your faults and mistakes - you just have to remind yourself that those who criticize are about as perfect as you are!

Jennifer

The secret is to be able to come up with snappy comebacks to rude comments on the spot! Not hours later, like I always do. So I have to console myself with reminders that no one else understands my child like I do, and even though I'm often at wit's end about this little issue or that, dh and I are the best equipped to figure out how to handle it. Those moms at the park whose kids sit quietly while they chat (seriously, one time when I was working at a cafe I saw a kid sit quietly for 45 MINUTES while his mom chatted - when he finally started to fidget she was surprised!) have no idea what it is to truly parent. Now I just have to live up to my resolution to tell my sister in law that. LOL!

btw, Galen just started this close-knit school where parent involvement is supposed to be very important and each family is welcomed into the community - and I still feel awkward and an outsider. I think I'm just pathologically shy.
Kaaren

Kaaren,

I hear you...I have a pretty tough time feeling like I fit in in these situations too....I wish I had some wise words of wisdome....I'm beginning to think that I have a real problem with social anxiety.....

Maybe we should start a little "comeback line" thread so that we'll have some thoughts at the top of our head to respond to the next rude comments

Kris
Time is a Dressmaker, Specializing in Alterations!