parenting roles...

[houseelf]

Last night, our son was getting fidgety at the dinner table and was eating his food with his hands. My dh's and my reaction completely underscored the difference in our parenting roles. I am thrilled that our son is eating and will even be present at the table for longer than five minutes. My dh gently reminded my son to use his spoon and to sit in his chair. As a mom, it is sooooo hard for me to bite my tongue and not direct the relationship between my dh and my son and just let them find their own common ground. I have to work hard not to undermine my dh's parenting authority.

It is so hard for me not to orchestrate their relationship. For example, if I go for a run, I suggest that my husband take our son to the park or some other activity. Or I specifically tell my dh which outfit to put him in and what to feed him. But the truth is that our son loves to follow my dh around the house with his tool box and help dad "fix things". They love to watch hockey together and just hang out. Maybe carefully planned trips to the museum and playdates are mom things.

I HAVE to learn to let go and let them figure things out themselves. Usually, a child has two parents so that they have the benefit learning from two different individuals with different thoughts, methods, and goals.

So now if I could just learn to bite my tongue next time I see my kid return from some event with dad wearing an outfit that is too small and sporting disheveled hair. I don't know if I can be that strong... After all, isn't mom's way best?

Kelly

I hear where you are coming from, Kelly. I think that particularly with our first child I felt the same way...letting go is hard...I think that it is perfectly acceptable for children to realize that parents aren't the same people My husband and I have very different parenting styles, but we share similar ideas about discipline, etc, etc....We do talk about parenting differences, but I've come to appreciate that Thomas won't be taking the kids to the park when I'm at an appt...and he'd never in his wildest dreams consider going to the Burger King Play Area with them alone...as a matter of fact, he doesn't leave the house if he's in charge...but...he plays playmobil with them, lets them play unlimited educational games on the computer, gets the kitchen cleaned up....

Remember...there is more than one way to be a good parent...and if Cade's clothes aren't the ones you would have picked....oh well....Cade will eventually learn who he wants to have go with him someday to the mall shopping What's important is that they can form a father/son bond of their own and that Sean can become more and more comfortable in the role of dad....I know from my own experience that I basically did everything for the first year...then I was experienced and my poor hubby was just a novice...this left us in the sticky position of me feeling like I had to tell him how to do it

Now with three kids...I figure if he actually manages to dress the kids in clothes that are their own we have success!!! The kids love him and they have diff., unique relationships with each of us....

I say go and take that jog and don't give it another thought!

Kris
Time is a Dressmaker, Specializing in Alterations!