It's not in your head...

[DCJenn]

Bundles Of . . . Misery

By Elizabeth Agnvall

Just as we're taking down the tree, organizing the new toys and stepping onto the scale comes a study finding that may make us wonder why we do it all: Parents are more likely to be depressed than people who do not have children. Lewis himself has somehow worked through all of this with his four......

To view the entire article, go to http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/co ... ailarticle

[PrincessFiona]

We used to be able to send children to work in the fields; older kids tended to the babies. When not pressed into service, they mostly stayed out of the way.

Ahhhh, for the good ole' days

Is there anything we ARE doing right?

[PrincessFiona]

You know what I really think? It's all of the pressure we put on each other and ourselves.....really. How many times have you gone to a playdate with other moms and then listened to them tear apart one of the moms and her kids after they leave? "She's put on a few pounds...did you see what he was wearing?" Then there is our national obsession with having our children involved in as many activities as our taxi suv's will allow for whilst simultaneously making sure that we push for getting them into the best schools and buying them the 'best' toys. Of course we are tired.....I'm not working outside of the home and I'm tired from all of the running and homework.

And since I'm ranting...what's up with having elementary school kids come home with so many bogus assignments? Is this all about 'teaching responsibility'? When I learned to read, it was fun and relaxed...I wasn't expected to 'zip' through as many readers as possible in a short period of time in order to get my sticker marker sheet filled....it was a gradual process. Now kids are expected to learn to read and then are given really stringent goals.

I'm tired from running and from pushing their homework. What...exactly...do they do with them all day in school? Why do they have to keep working when they get home at such young ages?

</rant over>

[Gwendolyn]

"At least if you're going to do it," she says to those contemplating parenthood, "know what you're getting into."

How could anyone possibly know what they are getting into? I completely agree with ladybug...adding the medical lifestyle into the mix feels even more isolating.

I take DS to the gymnastics open gym every Friday so I can chat with the other two moms that I know will be there and to wear him out so he will sleep all afternoon so I can get some work and t.v. watching done

Caitlein

[Sheherezade]

It feels even more isolating with the kids in school sometimes. I had a mom tell me once that she wished she could hang out and chat - like when we all had little kids - but life just wasn't like that anymore. Too busy now! That was the end of our conversation. Sometimes, in my most crazy moments, I've considered going for the third child as a means to make friends.

Has anyone read "Surrendering to Motherhood"? I thought it was a good antidote to all the worry. It preached about accepting the situation and enjoying it. I've actually given it to a few moms along the way. Sometimes, when you are so busy fighting the pandemonium of parenthood you miss the good things going one right in front of you. I wouldn't want to arrive on the steps of my kids' colleges having spent the last 20 years in harried hell only to miss them intensely when they are gone. I tend to do *too little* with my kids in the way of activities and such. We hang out together a lot. Now, though, I think that may be hurting their social lives and they are asking to take classes. So....I'm trying out an activites schedule. It is amazing that I had trouble finding a ballet class for my daughter because she is six and "hasn't had any previous ballet experience". There goes her career.

It is amazing that I had trouble finding a ballet class for my daughter because she is six and "hasn't had any previous ballet experience". There goes her career.

You're joking, right? That's crazy.

I do have a friend who hauls her kids all the way from University Heights to Solon to go to the "right" ballet school.

[houseelf]

Here, here everyone. I love this thread. I think part of this is because most moms won't admit to your face how much they struggle. I mean, what are we more protective of than our children? I understand this but I don't. I mean, aren't we all kindred spirits muddling through this.

I freely admit that I can be somewhat compulsive about my kids. I actually tried to make my son read Black Beauty type classics before caving into Star Wars and Comic books which appeal to him more and get him to read. (You can all chant "rookie" now :rofl) Still, I just don't get some manifestations of this parenting compulsiveness.

It is amazing that I had trouble finding a ballet class for my daughter because she is six and "hasn't had any previous ballet experience". There goes her career.

Holy cow. We had a similar experience. A local soccer club brochure came in the mail and had we decided to go that route, we would have had to verify in writing that DS (5) had played at least two seasons of soccer. Are ya flippin' kidding me?

I put him in a community league in which the kids barely knew which way to to run. This league seemed more in tune with where we were as far as our athletic aspirations for DS (i.e. get out and run and meet some kids). DS's teammates regularly decided to wear tiaras, bat masks, and/or cowboy hats in addition to their soccer t-shirt. Further, these kids made sure that they they stopped to pick the daisies or roll around. Now that is MY idea of a good soccer team for five year olds.

When I googled schools for the kids in Manhattan and they talked about an interview for preschool, I could only imagine what I would say, "Gee, my daughter throws items in the toilet with such determination..." "Really, she is quite adept at communicating....Just the other day she got teed off and threw the most convincing temper tantrum which caught the attention of everyone in the vicinity....". I mean, how could anyone take this seriously?

Kelly

[Gwendolyn]

DS's teammates regularly decided to wear tiaras, bat masks, and/or cowboy hats in addition to their soccer t-shirt. Further, these kids made sure that they they stopped to pick the daisies or roll around.

I LOVE IT!!

I think hanging out with doctor-types can lead to an over-achievers anonymous club. We have known a few people who have participated in activities at ridiculously high level. Professional ballerina, 4A university athletics, professional hockey (from AZ no less). DHs brother was even a cast member on the Japanese Mickey Mouse Club!

All of those friends were groomed for the activity they participated in...i.e. started when they were 2/3 yo We decided that even if it means that our kids do not become Olympic athletes (we knew a swimmer) we would sign them up for a flower picking/tiara wearing soccer team.

The truth is they all had other jobs as adults and many missed having a "normal" childhood. Every time I start to get revved up and worried, I think of these friends.

[SueC]

My kids are going to be sadly behind whenever I do sign them up for any activities, but luckily, they just aren't interested yet. And I'm not dying to schlep them to some place just to sit and watch them not participate for 30 minutes. We did try it once (ballet) and once the novelty wore off they wouldn't do it anymore. I vowed no activities until they were 5--now Maya is 6 and I still haven't signed her up for anything.
I am blessed to hang around with a group of moms who don't criticize or judge. If anything, we are more likely to talk about our shortcomings as mothers. I can't help but roll my eyes if I'm out somewhere and see some playgroup with moms acting so fake and annoying.