I've created a bedtime cuddle monster!

[HeartRN]

I know I've been lurking more than posting, but I thought I would ask for some advice. Forgive me for not being very responsive to other posts as of late! Now that the sun is out in CA again, I think my mood is starting to lift and I feel a little more participatory!!

So, Keelin and I have been sharing a bedroom, and as a result, we share a queen sized bed. The apartment is only one bedroom so there's nowhere else for me to put a toddler bed. Right now the toddler bed is in our room, but she sleeps with me. (We left her crib in VA) She generally sleeps pretty well at night, but when she wakes up, she calls out "backrub, Mommy!" I admit, we have fallen into the habit of nightly backrubs as she goes to sleep.....if this (co-sleeping)goes on for 6 months, do you guys think I can transition her fairly easily to a toddler bed when her dad comes and we move to our new, bigger place? I really don't mind the cosleeping, I just don't want to have a PERMANENT bedmate! Before we moved from VA, she went to sleep on her own in her crib, so I know she's very capable....I think she may also be fearing the dark lately. Thanks for the advice in advance!

[Sheherezade]

Let me start by admitting that both my kids slept with us for some time. With that in mind.....it would probably be best if you could get her into her own bed in your room. Even if she was right next to you in the toddler bed, I think it would make the transition easier come moving time. It's possible that she will just associate sleeping with you with the time that Daddy is away. In that case, the move to her own bed would be easier. If you can't get her in a toddler bed, you might start mentioning to her that this is temporary. Something along the lines of "Isn't it nice that we can cuddle when Daddy isn't here?" It can be very hard to transition from the shared bed. I think it's best to avoid it/prepare for separation if you know that you will want her out soon. One of my kids went easily...the other forged an all-out war. Here's hoping you get an easy kid.

"Back-rub, mommy"

That is so cute! I think I would like a back-rub in the middle of the night too.

I like cuddling with my kids in the morning. As long as they make it past 5:30 and aren't *too* wiggly, it is time with them that I enjoy. Our oldest is much, much better about staying out of our bed at night but we really struggled with it for a while. She went to sleep in her own bed but always ended up in our bed at night. When she was around 3 or so, I think. Try as we might to get her to stay in her own bed, she just wouldn't. When we asked her about it, she said, "But, honey, I like you guys!". (She had a habit of calling ME honey for a while ). I think that is just it -- she liked having someone warm and cuddly in her bed just like I like it. Having another baby did the trick -- my big belly in a double bed and then after the baby our room and bed was too crowded with the pack & play bassinet and the night-time feedings.

I think that if you want to be sure you don't have a permanent bed-mate, you may want to think about transitioning her out now. If you wait, there are somethings you could do to make it easier -- like talk to her about it for a while before she moves to her bed, let her pick out a blanket or sheets or something. DH or I would also just put her back in her bed after she climbed in with us. She gave up after a while.

This is a great group. Marla gives night time backrubs, Kris gives Aidan foot-massages, and Nellie's kids call her honey! I want you guys to be my mom!!

Quinn (3) does the same as Nellie's daughter did. Everynight around 1 or 2 he climbs in our bed - smushed against me. Jacob only joins occasionally - and usually after 5 or 6AM, and like Nellie - as long as it's late enough, I actually enjoy it.

The "while Daddy's gone" tack might work - but could also cause resentment when Daddy comes back. Good luck - I don't know how I'm EVER going to pry Quinn out of our bed.

[SueC]

That's pretty cute (especially the backrub requests), but I can see where after 6 months, it might be a hard habit to break. Ours go through phases where they climb into our bed at night, and I don't mind it in the early morning if it buys me more time to sleep, but it seems like it starts happening earlier and earlier until they are spending most of the night in our bed. We (I) end up having to either walk them back to their rooms or tell them to go back to their own beds for several nights in a row before they get the picture. You may find after 6 months she might just need a little "retraining", or it might be a nightmare. If there's space, you might try finding her her own separate place to sleep, otherwise you could just enjoy the snuggle time now and deal with the consequences later. Lots of people have to break their kids of co-sleeping after years of it, so I'm sure it can be done.

How could I forget? This is when the Sleep Fairy came into our lives. That helped too.

[DCJenn]

I don't know, having had mine from toddlerhood from the start- but I'd gradually switch- even to a pac n play so that you're not setting up a nightmare scenario when Daddy arrives.

Nikolai has never shared our bed though- he seemed so psyched to not be sharing his crib with three other kids! (the first three months or so he's sort of pat around himself and when he realized that no one else was there he'd lay spread eagled and take up as much room as possible.)

Jenn

How could I forget? This is when the Sleep Fairy came into our lives. That helped too.

Sleep fairy? Is that like a Jim Bean-laced bottle and a benedryl?


------> :z

[Flynn]

If your goal is to have her in her own bed eventually and NOT have issues, I think you are creating a monster here.

Any way you can give her a backrub before bedtime and let her know that she can think of that one if she wakes up?

Sleeping in the same room is hard. She sees you and wants comfort. Totally natural. Right now you are teaching her not to put herself back to sleep -- you are teaching her to need a back rub from you.

It's cute, fun and sweet now - - but I would nip this in the bud before it goes a moment farther.

Transistions are hard though and you know your child better than any of us.

We just came back from being away for four days and my three year old has had issues with bedtime (understandibly) as a result. I'm a STICKLER for bedtime rituals (uh yeah, can't you tell ). With DH's hours being the way they are I just don't want the added heachache. I have enough to deal with. I am slowly getting her back to her normal routine. Last night was the best yet -- thank goodness. She has swimming lessons twice a week in the evening and fell in love with "pink goggles" one of the other kids had. I told her if she stopped "having a hard time at bedtime" she could have those goggles. She called me once to go potty at ten and I haven't heard a peep from her.

She told me last night after she went to the bathroom she was "going to make good choices at bedtime so she could have a good nights sleep -- and pick out some pink goggles. Mommy did you know that sleep helps you grow?" They are a riot aren't they?

Sorry to hijack. Your goal is to have her sleep in her own bed -- so move towards that. You have plenty of cute stuff you can do when you're not trying to recharge yourself!

How could I forget? This is when the Sleep Fairy came into our lives. That helped too.

Sleep fairy? Is that like a Jim Bean-laced bottle and a benedryl?


------> :z

I'll take one! Then if the kid is annoying I won't notice...

The Jim Beam fairy for mommy and the benadryl shooters for the kids. J/K!!

Like Flynn, we also told our daughter that sleep helps her grow. That seemed to be inspiring for her.