how long did it take?

Thanks, Sally!! If I understand you correctly, you are saying that everything has a way of working itself out!

Jennifer - I was so happy to read your post! This entire current wave of baby fever was triggered by an episode of folding laundry. I was folding our laundry at the dryer and I had a momentary thought of how nice it would be to fold laundry for three people! (I know, quite absurd!) If you don't mind telling, how did the baby affect your marriage? I keep hearing that patronizing voice from the past that says "don't have kids until you've been married for two years!" I can't even remember who said that! Granted, even if we did start trying this winter, the baby wouldn't arrive until after our second wedding anniversary - but still! I just feel like we have such an awesome relationship right now and are having a lot of fun together - what would another person do to this mix?

And then there are times like tonight. . .when I am stressed out and tired and I feel like the LAST thing we need anytime in the future is a child.

This is such an interesting topic..I've really enjoyed reading it! I was talking about this with a friend of mine today..she also has three and even though she and I were both talking about being "done" with having children, we both confessed to being less than careful and even feeling depressed monthly....it's such an interesting paradox as a mom....and as overwhelmed as I am sometimes, I find that the drive to reproduce can be really strong....

As for how long it takes? Hubby and I were pretty fortunate that we were pregnant within the first month of "trying" with each child...I think it depends on the birth control method that you're using...even which pill you are on? (correct me if I'm wrong). I also had a friend who was using an IUD and she needed quite awhile afterwards...

Kris
Time is a Dressmaker, Specializing in Alterations!

[Phoebe]

Claudia-

How has having a child affected our marriage? I would say overall that having Avery has brought us closer. We look at her everyday and are in awe that we both had part in creating this beautiful little person. She has the best parts of both of us and her presence in our lives has brings us a lot of happiness. All the planning and anticipation of her arrival to seeing her smile when you walk into the room is something I will share most with my husband.

Because she is the focus of our family life, we don't have as much time as a couple, we lost most of our ability to be spontaneous. We didn't wait the traditional year/ 2 years because of our age and our desire for 2 or 3 kids. (Although many people do wait). I would recommend before becoming pregnant to make as much time for yourselves as possible. We miss time alone sometimes since we don't have many resources for child care here.

On an individual level, I think parenting is harder than I expected because you never go off duty. The thing I miss most about pre-parenting days is being able to nap!

We are so lucky to have a happy, content baby and our marriage has blossomed partly because of Avery. Times have been tough recently, but I don't attribute our stress to the baby. She really keeps us going.

Jennifer

[houseelf]

Jennifer,

I couldn't agree more with you about how a baby changes a relationship. My dh & I were stone cold in love and had this really great yuppie lifestyle together. We felt like we couldn't top what we had. And then came the baby. Sure, we have a lot less free time and money, but that seems ridiculously irrelevant. A child is sheer joy and wonder. I'll never forget those first moments when the three of us just stared at one another.

Jennifer is right, the easiest thing in the world is to become so child focused that the marriage starts to slide. There have been times when I have felt like my dh and I were more like roommates and co-parents than lovers. Over the last year, we have discovered a few very small changes helped to reestablish the spark. Babysitting cooperatives are AWESOME. Also, my dh and I don't buy each other presents for any holiday from Valentines day to Christmas to Anniversaries. Instead, we save our money and go on a trip alone together every year. I miss my kid like crazy, but my marriage is a lot stronger because of these respites.

Anyway, if you're worried that there will be more stress, you're right. However, there will be infinitely more joy and love in your life and in your marriage.

I have such strong, passionate feelings about this that I have probably rambled on too long. But seriously, having a child is the best thing that ever happened to me as a person or as part of a couple.

Kelly