How many kids?

Depending on the day, we waffle between continuing to try for a 3rd and immediate vasectomy.

It's a good thing that service isn't offered in a drive-thru setting.

[PrincessFiona]

So...I just have to add here that my dear friend in N. Ireland has 5 children (4 are grown now and have left the house, but when we met, the were still littler)...Anyway, being the completely filterless person that I am, I remember telling her once that I would never have 5 children because I didn't think I could give them all the attention that they deserve. Fortunately for me, she is a very forgiving/understanding person. Any other friend would have definitely been offended (including me).

When I found out I was pg with #5, she laughed her butt off! "Are you sure you'll be able to give them attention?"

kris

Depending on the day, we waffle between continuing to try for a 3rd and immediate vasectomy.

It's a good thing that service isn't offered in a drive-thru setting.

This is how I feel about IUD removal, too.

[houseelf]

Wow, I could have written so many of these responses myself!

IRL, our response to this question is: We have two with the option of the third. Committing to have a child is SUCH a leap of faith. If I start thinking about college costs, time, emotional needs, we are done, done, done, thank you very much. Still, I know that I would never regret number three. It will be the ultimate leap of faith for me to go for it considering what a worrier I am. DH is pretty neutral about having another, but I think he secretly wants one more. Strangely, I always thought I'd have two sons and a daughter so it feels like someone is missing. You watch, if we do have Number 3, it will be a girl.

Anyway, the question for me becomes, how old is too old to have a "last call" baby? I've been wanting to pose this question to you all for awhile.

Like Heidi I like the big gaps and if we did this again, I want at least 4 years but preferably 5 or 6 between kids. This puts me at 35-36. Further, would it be strange to have a 9 year old a 4.5 year old and a newborn? How would we make this work. Sometimes I can't even wrap my mind around it.

Fortunately, I can table this decision until a few more years and just enjoy the two that I have now.

Kelly

My house isn't quite so welcoming to the idea. Two of SueC's kids go to the same PDO as Quinn, and a teacher told us this story the other day.

Quinn was playing with Mitchell (he's around 22 months) and the teacher says "Quinn, you need another little baby at your house." Quinn turns around and looks at her and says "Why?"

Funnier in the delivery, I guess, but we both got a good laugh out of it.

[Phoebe]

We're done at 3. I am AMA already and thinking I will be 54 when my last graduates from high school, puts the brakes on the thought of any more children.

We always planned on three with the idea that we would see how it goes after the first and second. My problem is that I love babies. DH grew up wanting 5 kids and until he can be the pregnant one, we aren't going any further.

I would like to have my body back once and for all and maybe a career in the future.

Jennifer

[Tenacious_D]

Since we don't have any yet it's hard to say how I will feel but I grew up with 3 other siblings and DH had 2 siblings. I think 3-4 would be great. DH thinks 3 would be better. We'll see what happens after the first...whenever that is.

[Tenacious_D]

Just realized how lame I was for posting and checking out the parenting section when I am sans (w/o) children.

[Gwendolyn]

We have always talked about having 2-3 and then adopting 2. We did go see cheaper by the dozen and DH was delighted by the idea. Needless to say I laughted in his face.

[mommax3]

DH and I both thought we would have four kids.........


Then we had THREE BOYS. (I know quite a few families with three boys......that seems to be a tipping point for a lot of people.)

Our first is the most active of the three, really kind of off the charts active and flirts with ADHD behavior.....he has always demanded a LOT of attention.....less so as he gets older, though. Our second is *very* sweet and fairly uncomplicated, pretty much always on an even keel. Our third is pretty straightforward, but was the most miserable baby and has retained somewhat of a suspicious and watchful nature, not really one to go with the flow, which I thought a third child was *guaranteed* to be. If he had been my second child, there would not have been a third child.

DH was the one who made the final decision on this one, and got snipped almost two years ago.....I would gladly have had another if he had wanted one. Realistically, though, the demands of his job are considerable and will remain so, and DH really, really makes being present in the boys' lives a priority. I can't argue with the fact that he feels tapped out. Sometimes I second guess and think I should have had a second baby during residency (we had DS #2 at the end of intern year and had DS #3 a couple months after residency ended) but realistically, I think I would have reached a breaking point if we had done that since it was before the 80 hr. work week and we were so far from family. Everyone has a different point at which they know what is too much or what is pushing their limits, and I think you just have to listen to yourself and to your partner when making this decision.

We still consider adoption.....I am all for it and DH is on the fence.....we'll see what happens.

Sally

Then we had THREE BOYS. (I know quite a few families with three boys......that seems to be a tipping point for a lot of people.)

It sure will be for me if it goes that way! :thud:

[rainbabies]

I have resigned myself to all boys.

If I should happen to get a girl with a third, I don't think I'd know what to do.

I know how to handle that kind of plumbing now...I had to ask for instructions to change a girlfriend's daughter :!

Plus, I have the right hand-me-downs.

[alison]

Thanks Tara--and to everyone else who understands my position on children!

I guess it hits me really hard right now, since I'm considering if I want to go into academia full throttle. I don't want to be in the position of a professor I know. She has to defer her tenure by one year because of her pregnancy. It's her first baby and she told me the other day that "maybe it's too early for kids." Sheesh. She's 36.

[Gwendolyn]

Alison,
I will say this academia is a difficult world to have a baby in at any time. The perks are a flexible schedule, but a very hostile environment. You would think that higher ed would be more progressive...but it is an old boys club. I found that to be true even with many women who gave up a family for research, tenure, etc...