Having children while in med school

Our oldest daughter was born at the start of DH's fourth year. It worked out well for our family. I went back to work when she was 3 months old until I was laid off when she was 9 months. We did ok financially. DH was able to group together some vacation time and stay home with her for almost 2 months before she started daycare. It was a great time for both of them.

edit to add -- I agree with Jenn's comment below that there are better and worse times. 4th year happened to be a great time for our family.

[DCJenn]

What you will find (and welcome by the way) is that the one common thread is that there are people who have started before med school, during med school, during internship, residency, fellowship and beyond. There's truly never a good time and there's truly never a bad time- you will make due no matter what you decide.

However, there are certain times of a medical career that are typically easier- the 3rd and 4th year of medical school, the 2nd and 3rd year of residency, and any lab years during fellowship. I think most people would agree that typically (again, depending on your individual situation) those are a wee bit easier.

Bottom line though, is that you make it work because you have to- and it can be done. Sometimes it's just not as easy as it might have been other times.

Jenn

[fluffhead]

I think I'd probably disagree about third year being a good time - it's the first time you're being exposed to the rigors of call, the rotations can be pretty brutal for med students, and your relationship is experiencing all kinds of new stresses. Fourth year for us was an ideal time to have a kid, though interviewing was difficult (but for a male med student that might not be the case - though you might want to go along to see the places, and that might be tough).
We had our second during PGY3, and that was pretty awful, but it got done, the kid got born, and we're all still kicking. barely.

[rainbabies]

[pstone]

We had our little boy a few months into 4th year, worked out great. Sure she was all big and stuff while doing the last of her 3rd year rotations but 4th year was a breeze and she had lots of time saved up to talk off.

Financially life is what you make it. I quit my job as an architect and we now live on a residents salary. Sure we don't take vactions to Taos and ski all winter, but we also don't have debt other then her loans. It is all about the choices you make. We drive old cars because we wanted to raise our own child. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at the park while the little one kicks a ball around are plenty good.

I would say not during 3rd year, or intern year.

We had son#1 about six months before Med School graduation....it was tough, but doable....we had son#2 in the last half of PGY3. It wasn't harder, but I wouldn't say it was easier either. We had already made the decision to 'suck it up' and I was taking over as Household Executive Officer...fast forward to six years later....I wouldn't change a thing. The only ones that can tell you when to have or not to have a child are you and your SO.

Someone on this board once said, in a medical marriage, 'There is never a good time, only worse times, to have a baby'. Good words.

[Flynn]

Hmmm. For me personally it totally depends on the TYPE of residency the doc is going into. That will determine A.) how long you will be poor and B.) how long your kids will be basically parented by the non-doc adult.

I don't disagree with the posts so far but for us we would have been TOAST having a child in med. school. We married at the very beginning of the R2 year (dated since the M2 year) and we really needed some time to be married and get the "residency" thing down before we could introduce DD. Ok so we never really have mastered residency but we found out what works for us most of the time! :~

It's different for everyone but that's my two cents.

[DCJenn]

Our Master Plan was to get things cooking during PGY2 to 3. However, things being waht they are, we ended up with one small Russian during PGY5. Fellowship is a not-so-great time to add a small and needy member of the family. We did it, we've survived, but it was pretty hard. Of course, we're old and grouchy, too.

Single parenting is the key, because really, it's a much bigger question than the finances. That stuff usually works out, but it's the "how much can I handle taking care of everything including a small needy person."

J.

[Vanquisher]

I on the other hand had a child in college and a child in med school. Med school was easier. This is because in college dh had a full-time job and went to school. I had a part-time job and did several freelance gigs on the side. We both went to school full-time. We passed the kiddo off between classes on campus and even took him to a few. I had to leave a stats class and a chem class once because he was upset, but most of the time he was really a good baby. HOWEVER, once we got to residency all of the easiness of the medical school baby faded away. Med school was bliss for us, especially 4th year when we had our daughter.

It all depends on you and what is going on in your life and how much you can handle ( for me so much less than I thought on some days, and so much more than I thought on others) and what residency your spouse is doing and whther or not you are working and whether or not you have family support. There are too many factors. For us intern year was easier than PGY-2 is. It is so residency and program dependent.

[Gwendolyn]

[quote] Ok so we never really have mastered residency but we found out what works for us most of the time! :~

Is it bad that this made me laugh out loud?

[Flynn]

Nope! Not bad at all!

As we look at the tail end of this ride it's easier to look at all of our "fall down on our face" moments. Shoot -- this life is just HARD sometimes!!!

[peggyfromwastate]

I like the control my husband had over his schedule in the first 2 years of med school. He doesn't really have that control MS-3 or MS-4. But he was really good about coming home for dinner, etc. He studied all day Saturdays, but he took Sundays all the way off, so he didn't even study then, and he came home from school each day by 530 to have dinner, help with bath, etc. Third year he has some good rounds and some bad ones, but he's sort of beholden to his intern and residents as to when he gets to come home, and he definitely is taking call here and there. I personally have heard nothing good about intern year, so that would be avoided. And then of course the residency years depend on the residency program. When it comes to having kids, though, I always seem to say "go for it" and that is why I have 4...

I had my first before I began college (long story-- I was 19 -- my husband adopted her and he's really the only dad she's had...) and then we had twins before med school, and then we had Luke at the end of MS-1. Anyway.... it will work out...

[twinsmom]

I completely agree with "there really is no golden time for kids" - if everyone waited until they felt completely ready to have kids, I don't think there would be many children around.
We had our first two right before 3rd year of med school... two months early (completely a surprise)... three days BEFORE the boards. The second birth (and child #3) came right in the middle of internship year... a few hours after a 36 hour call shift... and hubby had to leave for a presentation right as I was taking the baby home from the hospital (good thing gramma and grampa had flown out on a spur of the moment surprise to be there... two weeks before they left the country for a two year medical mission!).... in other words... I'm not really one to talk about good 'timing' for kids. But we now have 3 beautiful children... a LOT of debt... and would do it all again in a heart beat. (well, it might take me a couple of heartbeats to re-think the whole "let's try the 'non-epidural-midwife-let-the-pain-work-through-you' approach... which led me to almost grab her head and yell, "let THIS pain work through you!! Get me the Epidural NOW!! But I digress...)
In other words, pick what time you feel is right for you, jump in with both feet, and don't look back!
Good luck!!

Jen B.