Needing some serious behavior modification...

[SueC]

Not me, my 4.5 year old. I keep finding myself scratching my head at some of the random, disobedient stuff she keeps doing. Yesterday she adhered a "Brinks" sticker to one of the walls (the kind from the alarm company that you are supposed to put on the window). Today she took a pair of scissors to one of her favorite nightgowns, giving it a fringed look all around the bottom. She also ate a second popsicle without my permission even though I specifically told her she could only have one. Right now she is enjoying a 10 minute time-out. Oh yeah, two days ago she completely sprayed down one of Jenn's (aka jesher) kitchen walls with a water bottle. There are other little things that she has done lately that I can't recall at the moment, but all things that I think she definitely knows are wrong. At school she is an angel. I've never resorted to doing behavior charts and the like, but I'm seriously thinking that I need to set up some kind of little program to keep her in line.
Have any of you done this? I'm trying to figure out how to do it. Do I put pennies in a jar and take them out as she behaves, or have her collect smiley faces for when she is behaving, etc.? I've never done this and I don't know where to start!

It's the half year thing! I swear that applies with Bryn. We'll see with Anna.

I think 4.5 is a good age for a sticker chart. We tried that with good success. I can't remember exactly how we did it. I think rows with the stars and gave up to a certain number per day (2 or 3)? One for general good behavior, getting ready for bed without dwaddling, etc. We could usually give her one sticker for a good thing that day -- or two -- but could also say only one sticker because this happened or no stickers because this and that happened. She almost always got at least one. We tried to encourage her to try again the next day. When she finished the row, there was some little reward like going out for icecream or special stickers or something. It was also a good way to talk about the day. I think I also kept better track of good behavior and could compliment her on that.

It worked and then we moved on. We just starting forgetting about the chart, I guess.

I just think we need to lock Syd and Jacob in a room and see which one comes out okay. Then we'll deal with that one.

Darwinism at work.

Ask Luanne what she thinks of age 4.

[Meenah]

That is too funny Nellie, as I was reading these posts I was thinking of my response, then I read yours!!!! HMMM, what did I say about 4????????
Aren't you listening to me!!!
Luanne

[Sheherezade]

We did a star chart with both my kids. Actually, we still do from time to time. We give them something to "work on" like getting to bed without fussing or table manners. We give out a star for each good day and after they get 5 stars they get a small treat of their choice (small toy, book or food). When they've shaped up on the behavior in question, we tell them that's the end of the gravy train. Usually, they are eager to address another of their many "flaws" We don't have a chart going for either now, but it has encouraged them to see bad habits as a growth opportunity.
BTW, it was very important to my kids that the stars they had received could not be taken away. They liked knowing that a bad day was just a bad day and that it didn't un-do the hard work they had put in earlier in the week. We just bought some sticker stars and mounted a piece of paper near their bed. My daughter got her stars in the morning because bedtime is her trigger time. My son got stars at night because he's....well....he's like Pigpen in Charlie Brown and we are usually working on some hygeine or table manners issue. In our experience it was best to offer a small reward more frequently; when we let them "save up" the stars for a bigger treat the chart lost some power.

I'm sorry she's such a handful. My daughter's been there many, many times. She is a force to be reckoned with.

Aren't you listening to me!!!
Luanne

We're pretending to BE 4.

Its called the stage of "disequilibrium".

While that sounds like a good explanation, I prefer the one my friend / parenting mentor offered: She calls it the "Chocolate Cake Stage".

I will demonstrate:

Mom: Sweetie - I have a whole chocolate cake just for you!
Child: (whining) But I want vanilla!

I think those books are fantastic. The photos are dated and occasionally some of the advice (as to TV, birthday parties) but the developmental observations are really helpful.

[SueC]

Thank you all for the advice! I talked to dh last night and he is on board with the idea. He used to work with CLO (Community Living Opportunities, group home for those with MR) and they found great success with this strategy. I'm going to check out those books you guys mentioned as well.
I went to Target today in order to get supplies to make a chart, and came home with stuff to organize dh's closet, a few new baby outfits and no chart!
Anyhow, last night we had several more incidents and I ended up doing something which I never thought I would do and I sent her to bed without dinner. I know she didn't starve because the reason she got in trouble was because she smuggled some biscuits that I was planning on serving with dinner and ate two of them--I had about 5 minutes before then told her dinner was almost ready and she could not have the biscuits. I fumed for the rest of the evening over those damn biscuits! DH came home about 3 hours later and I was still upset. I think I was more bothered by the fact that she seems to have absolutely no regard for whatever I have told her then I was about her eating the biscuits.
Here's to a better day today! She is in PDO this morning and was an absolute angel this morning, including telling me several times that I am the bestest mommy in the world.