at a loss

[Meenah]

Well, I'm at a loss for words. Tonight one of Caroline's friends was killed in a car accident. Caroline has known Carly since they were in kindergarten. They snowboard together all winter, last year they went to snowboard camp together in Vancouver. They are a close group of girls (6 of them). Yesterday Caroline and two of the girls went to the shore,but Carly didn't go, she was going to meet them on Saturday. I don't know any details, and I don't know how to comfort her. They are all 17 and going into their senior year of high school.
I want to go to the shore and get her, but she said no, she just needs to talk with me. Her Dad said she is better off down there with the other girls, so that they can grieve together. Two of the Moms are with them. I want to pick her up and bring her home and protect her. I also feel guilty because one of my first thoughts (I'm ashamed to admit) was thank God it wasn't Caroline. Any words of wisdom would be appreciated. Hold your babies close to you.
Luanne

[mommax3]

Luanne,

I am so sorry to hear about this. What a sad thing to happen, and so sad that Caroline has to deal with it during what should be such a carefree time in her life -- although I know that many teenagers deal with horrible things all the time.

I think I would be feeling the same relief that you are -- I don't see how you could feel otherwise. I will be thinking of you both in the coming days.

Sally

Oh Luanne, I'm so sorry to hear about this. How are you holding up? How is Caroline? What a horrible thing to be going through. When is Caroline coming home?

I also think that I would be feeling a sense of relief, and I am sure that the other moms are feeling the same thing.

If you need anything, call me anytime.

You are in my thoughts,

Kris



"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be."

Douglas Adams

[DCJenn]

Oh Luanne-

I feel so badly for both you and Caroline. I don't know why things like this seem so much worse when the people are younger, but it does. How's Caroline doing?

I'm sure you are relieved as well. I can't imagine what you must have felt hearing the news. Don't feel bad for thinking these things. You know they are perfectly natural.

My thoughts are with you both.

Jenn

Oh Luanne, how horrible and tragic. I feel for your daugther and for you. Don't feel guilty for your private thoughts of relief. All parents, myself included, are grateful when our children escape danger or harm. This comes to the fore when something like this happens. Losing someone you love is one of life's great pains and burdens. My heart goes out to your daughter and you for the loss of a dear friend. It will be important to reach out to this girl's family in the coming days and weeks. They must be absolutely shattered.

I lost my sister when I was 18 (she was 23). I only gained TRUE empathy for my parents when I myself became a parent. Now I feel their pain. The one thing I remember about that time was how my sister's friends were such a comfort to my mom. They would come over, sit with her and have coffee, cry and laugh over memories of my sister, and share their greif in a healing way. Maybe you and Caroline can do that for this girl's parents. I am sure that connecting with her family will help Caroline too.

I'm so sorry.

[houseelf]

Luanne---

My heart goes out to this child's family, you, and Caroline. The loss of a child is just so....unnatural. I'm so very sorry. You are in my prayers.

Kelly

I'm so sorry, Luanne. That is so tragic. I will keep everyone in my thoughts and prayers.

Luanne,

I'm at a loss of what to say. This is so sad. My thoughts are with you, your daughter, and this precious friend who was lost. Sorry to hear such tragedy & I'm sorry I don't know what to say!

Christy

[Meenah]

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. It is really difficult, I don't know what to say to my own daughter. The viewing is tomorrow night and the funeral is on Monday. At first Caroline did not want to go, but now she does. I really think she needs to, to help with the grief process.
Luanne

I've thought of you several times today. I'm just at a loss for words to help. I hope that Caroline will go to the viewing. She's very lucky to have you, Luanne!

Kris
"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be."

Douglas Adams

[Meenah]

Again, thanks for all of the support. Last night Caroline and two other girls went to Carly's house and helped her Mom make photo collages for the memorial service. They helped pick out the out fit she is to be dressed in. Today Caroline wrote a letter to her to be placed in her casket (Carly's Mom asked her and the other girls to do this). This is so unbelievably difficult, and I can only admire her strength, because this only helps our daughters (who are alive) to work through the grief process).
Thanks so much for giving me a place to "talk" about this, I know it isn't related to being a medical spouse, but as a parent I hope this is the only time we have to discuss this subject.
Luanne

Luanne,

Just reading this post brought tears to my eyes. This is such a poignant reminder that life is fragile and that we need to embrace each day and our families and hold them close to us. I'm so sorry that you both are going through this right now. Caroline must be a very strong young woman to be helping out right now and writing the letter. You have done a good job as a mother!

Thank you for sharing this with us...I hope that you will continue to update us on what happens and how you all are doing.

Kris
"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be."

Douglas Adams

Luanne,

I am just now getting to this post and I am so sorry for what you, Caroline and Carly's family must be going through. What a tragic event at what should be a wonderful time of life. It sounds like Caroline has a great support group with you and her other friends and I think it was wonderful that she wrote a letter to Carly and helped with the collage. I hope she kept a copy of the letter for herself. It may be something she will look back on to help her remember her friend and feel comfort. My prayers are with you. Life is so precious!

Robin

Luanne,

How did everything go this week? How are you guys holding up?

Kris
"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be."

Douglas Adams

[Meenah]

Hi Kris,
Thanks for asking. Things are going well. They are all grieving appropriately. Their circle of friends included Carly's brother (one year older), so they are still in contact with the family, which I think is good for everyone. I believe it will be a sad summer for all of the kids, but so far they are all doing OK. Thanks again for asking.
Luanne