Seeing Red

We are fully experiencing the half-year phenomenon in my 5 1/2 year old. My confident, outgoing, capable, gregarious girl seems to have melted into a puddle of tears lately. At least I have a couple years past experience with this!

Little things set her off. I was gone for the weekend but excepting that, I think we have had tears about something seemingly inconsequential almost every day.

So....she is home sick from school as she was yesterday. We hardly ever get snow here and DD has been talking about missing snow. Last night we got 2" of snow. DD is beside herself that 1) she might not be able to go to her kindergarten music program at school tonight and 2) that she can't play in the snow. I just can't let her, she is too sick.

Our neighbor 5 yo is....a handful. We've had a bunch of issues with her in the past, the latest being that she can dail our phone number herself and frequently calls to ask for a playdate at 5:30pm, to which I say no because it is too late, resulting in DD crying. I need to have a more direct conversation with her mom.

This is what has me seeing red. I told my neighbor (the mom) that DD won't be going to school today and will NOT be able to play in the snow during the 2 hour delayed start period. Guess who just knocked on our door with all her snow gear on to say how much fun she is having playing in the snow? Guess who is on a crying jag?

Seriously, can't they keep a close enough eye on her to keep her from coming over here? This is not a next door neighbor -- they are three houses away and around the corner. I didn't see either parent when she came over.

Grrrrrr!

You're right -- I'm being stalked by a 5 year old! I wonder if the police have an elementary stalker unit.

I make a point of finding after school activities away from the house so we aren't here to get the calls. I've got to do something about this.

[PrincessFiona]

Nellie

We have the same thing going on with our nextdoor neighbor (who is also 5 1/2 btw). He often calls around 5-5.30 for the playdate thing...when I'm trying to get dinner ready and get Alex to do his reading, etc. The other thing is that he will just ramble on to me. One night I actually...hung up on him. I'm not sure what the answer is though, because last time, I could hear his mom saying "turn the phone right side up when you're talking".



just commiseration

kris

It's a pain isn't it?

I'm not sure what to say either that will make a difference. A few weeks ago, she left a message, or messages more likely. I didn't call back because, for Pete's sake, she does this every day and my answer would have been the same as any other day. And, Bryn can tell who I am talking to and then gets upset because she wants to play -- if she's calling then the other mom must think it's ok, right? Her mom told me that I had hurt the kid's feelings by not calling back so mom told the kid to talk to me about it.

Or.....you could talk to her and set some phone rules and tell her that our family must not do playdates that late.

Nellie, I'm sorry you're having such a rough couple of days. I hope that things will turn around as soon as Bryn starts feeling better. What is up with the neighbor mom? Just completely clueless. I would tell the mom that your afternoons are so hectic that you just can't do playdates during the week anymore. What is it with these kindergarten stalkers??

[SueC]

That neighbor mom must suffer from the delusion that the rest of the world thinks her kid is as cute as she does! That would be so irritating, do you think if you told the mom these little phone calls were causing some emotional turmoil at your house she might put a stop to it?
I hope Bryn pulls out of her emotional slump soon, my 6 year old has gone through "hypersensitive" phases at times as well.

One night I actually...hung up on him.

I wonder how long it took for him to realize

Her mom told me that I had hurt the kid's feelings by not calling back so mom told the kid to talk to me about it.

Man, I don't know whether to laugh or to fear what parenthood might bring my way some day. I just can't help but think how much child-rearing / parenting has changed in the few short years since we were kids (most of us on the board seem to be in or around our 30s).

Can you ever imagine this stuff happening when we were kids?

Crazy, isn't it? I can't imagine this happening when I was a kid. There is no way my parents would have let me have free rein with the phone like that. I think that part of the problem is that I might be perceived as being "too strict" for not allowing the late playdate. I'll definitely be more flexible in the summer but not during the school year.

These recent crying episodes have been a more understandable -- missing the concert or being stuck inside is hard. But there is element of waaaaaaailing with it that drives me bonkers. And then there are all the other dramas that fall into the chocolate versus vanilla cake category.

I think she is going through a growth spurt too which must be wearing her out. She eats the equivalent of two dinners every night -- an early and regular one.

I don't think 'no late playdates' during the school year is too strict at all! And frankly - if the mom doesn't agree, then too darn bad! Find someone else to harrass about playdates.

Yeah - the free reign thing is pretty nutty. I won't let my kids invite someone else -- I ask their mom. All I need is someone to plant a seed in my kids' head about something they want to do - when we can't do it.

Perhaps it's just time for a good talk between you and the other mom. If it goes south, so be it. The little girl isn't much fun for Bryn anyway - right?

[SueC]

I don't consider myself terribly strict, but I wouldn't be having 5:30pm playdates on a school night either. Actually, unless I was doing a favor for the parents, I don't think I'd ever invite a kid over during that hour of the day--way too close to dinner time and bedtime.

After thinking about this last night, I decided that my tactic is going to be talking to the child. I have made little or no progress with the parent in the past. I think that if I explain it to her better than "too late" and that if the first number on the clock says "5", that means too late.

Seriously, I think this is my best shot at success.

If they weren't at the same school, bus stop, class, I would have given up a while ago. And outstide of the issue with her kid, I do like the mom. But it is hard for me to be around them together and I get the feeling I'm not the only person who has that problem.

[DCJenn]

Wow, Nellie. That's just ick.

Jenn

[mommax3]

Nellie,

I was reading through this thread and was thinking that I would advise you to just tell the little girl what the rules of your house are......and then you posted that very thing! My only other thought was.....how about caller id?

We had a deal here in our new neighborhood shortly after we moved in. Our cul-de-sac is FULL of boys, many of them only children. Their upbringing has been a little *different* than what my boys are used to, and it has been eye-opening for me dealing with these kids (and the parents who have spoiled them). One little boy (six last summer) has quite the foul mouth and regularly says stuff like "butthole".....this is just regular talk.....when he is angry, he goes all out. I heard him through the window last summer and made the remark to my boys that evening that if he continued to talk that way, he would not be able to play at our house, mainly because of Nathan (my youngest) being around. My middle son repeated that conversation to the little boy, and he apparently burst into tears and told his mom. She told him to come and talk to me, and they walked down to our house. Here is the freaky part.....she HID in the bushes so I didn't see her and sent her son up to ring the doorbell. I had no idea she was there. I said hi to the little boy and then he asked me why I didn't like him and wouldn't let him come to my house anymore. I just gave it to him straight.....told him that I liked him fine, but that he used words (and I said the words, too) that we didn't allow at our house, and if he used those words, he wouldn't be able to play at our house anymore. Then his mom popped out of the shrubbery, much to my surprise, and basically reiterated everything I said. It was the weirdest thing ever.....but I didn't have to deal with that problem again!

Good luck with your stalker!

Sally

Then his mom popped out of the shrubbery, much to my surprise, and basically reiterated everything I said. It was the weirdest thing ever.....but I didn't have to deal with that problem again!

OMG, you just can't make this stuff up! In what world are these people living??