Talking to our children....

How have you all approached some of the more delicate issues with your children? We came in the door last week and our children flipped the tv on. I'd been watching Fox News earlier and they were running a whole story on the little girl who was abducted and murdered. I wasn't even paying very close attention to what was on :/ and then my little girl started crying!



I felt unprepared to deal with this subject with the kids and like any totally unprepared parent, I tried the "it's only tv, it's not real" approach...which fell flat on it's face. My 7 year old called me to the carpet demanding to know then why I would lie to them.



This led to a conversation that included the facts that there are bad people out there who will take children, etc...and I felt horrible having this conversation with them...I really did. I tried not to frighten them, but wanted them also to understand that this is why I don't want them running off in stores or going out of my sight on their bikes.....I tried to role play with them what to do if someone drives up and asks them to "help find their lost puppy dog", like happened to that little girl. I told them to scream NO at the top of their lungs and run. My oldest (7) told me that I was mean...and how could I do that to someone I told him that adults don't need the help of children, that they can take care of themselves or find another adult to help them. He told me he didn't want to hurt someone's feelings...we talked about the fact that it is better to hurt someone's feelings than not be safe......



But this whole conversation has left me reeling. My daughter is now afraid to go out front and ride her bike. Our neighbors had a party yesterday and there were many cars on the block...and she told me that it was a "trick" and the bad guys were just waiting for her :/



How do you all cope with this or talk with your children about things like this? What is the best way to approach this without terrifying our children?



Kris
"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be."
Douglas Adams

[Meenah]

Hi Kris,

There is never an easy way to talk with them, but trust me it is harder for you as the parent. I was always very upfront and honest with my girls about this topic. You also have to find a way to help them be wary of people who "look" ok or people they know. I don't know statistics, but many crimes against children are committed by a family member or family friend.

When my girls were small, our police dpeartment offered two week summer day camp called "Safety Town" and it was a great program. Call you local police department and ask them for some guidance. I know you want to keep them safe and shield them from the news, but reality is what you must help them learn to live with.

Luanne

[houseelf]

I dread these conversations. I have read every single one of John Douglas's books (the reknowned FBI serial killer profiler). While I have to admit that these books were very interesting, the stories contained within continue to haunt me. However, one of his books, Obsession, speaks about how we can help to protect ourselves and our children from becoming victims. You have already touched upon one of his suggestions, tell your children that adults do not generally seek help from children. But there are so many more great learning points within. I recommend this book to anyone interested in learning how to protect themselves and their family from becoming a victim.



I don't know if I'm overly anxious, but I do worry about these sort of things. These type of headlines freak me out. Maybe I'm a little more anxious because I see some of these sickos' handiwork on the job. For example, we are currently waiting for the verdict in a criminal sexual conduct felony jury trial where a niece alleged that her uncle molested her for years. I honestly can't help but be a little freaked out for my son after hearing some of this testimony. Who can you really trust? But then again, I don't want him to go through life with fear. What is a parent to do? I'm at a loss on this one too.



Kelly

I'm just matter-of-fact with my kids about this stuff and they seem to take it in stride: they know that evil exists in the world (ie there is good and there is bad and while there are some very bad people in the world there are also very good people), they know that no one to touch them in their "private areas" unless it is Mommy or Daddy bathing them or the doctor when Mommy or Daddy are present (I usually reinforce that lesson when I'm giving them a bath), we don't allow "secrets" in our family - I don't want them to ever feel they must keep something secret from me, they are repeatedly told they must never be out of my sight (I tell them, "If you can't see me then I can't see you and that is very bad"), I tell them in a matter-of-fact way that they can get lost and that there are bad people who might take them or hurt them. I think it is very good to balance these important, scary lessons with showing your children that not all of humanity is evil: the news is often very one-sided. Show your children how to do good to others around them and teach them about very good people (Mother Theresa comes to mind - but any other person who has given of themselves so lovingly would also be great). Teach them that the fact that there are very bad people in this world means that it is so much more important that they try to be good people - evil men get away with evil things because good men let them. I think we definitely should teach our children about the scary awful things in this world to protect them (know thy enemy so to speak), but at the same time we should teach them and reassure them of the goodness of humanity as well because it is there and it is very powerful....



Jennifer

Jennifer, you said that really well. That's what I try to do with my kids but I doubt that I am as eloquent!



Robin