Scared 5th grader!

We went to the elementary's school open house where we found out who my kids will have for teachers and where their rooms were etc. About an hour before we left for school, my usually quite obedient 10 year old adamantly told me he wasn't going and he started moping around. I told him it would be okay and that we (Mom, Dad and brothers) would be with him. I told him that it was totally normal to be scared. All he had to do was shake his teacher's hand and say hello. I did also ask him to look at the teacher when he did this because he is so shy and has a tendency to look at his feet. He pouted through the whole thing, wouldn't say a word to the teacher and looked like the most miserable kid in the world. I felt terrible yet I was really irritated with him too. He looks at the negative side of everything. He doesn't give anything a chance until proven that it is okay so everyone has to bend over backwards to help him be happy about going back to school or any other activity that he isn't sure about.

He gets his insecurities honestly from his shy parents but ... I am having a hard time getting him through this. I am now petrified about the first day of school on Monday. He did feel bad about it later and we had a good talk sitting on the trampoline about school, making friends and not thinking that it was going to be terrible BUT ... Between me worrying about him not fitting in socially, Zachary feeling overwhelmed academically and Tyler behaving properly ... I am a ball of nerves about school starting.

Jacob's teacher is a young man (which is new for us!) and he must be 6'5" with a booming voice. He seemed very nice but doesn't fit the image of any of Jacob's other teachers, which makes him nervous. Zachary's teacher seems to be very experienced and caring. I can tell it is going to be a tough year academically though. Tyler's teacher is a new teacher ... I hope she has good disciplining skills! This could be a very interesting year! Sorry for the ramble. It has just been on my mind constantly since the open house last night. Hope everyone's kids have a good school experience!!!

Robin

Robin,

Your poor little guy! I am thinking about you tonight...I can't believe that the summer is over and that your little guy is starting school tomorrow......we start next Monday. Where DID the summer go?

Is this the first time that he's struggled with the beginning of the year? Before Andrew started Kindergarten and first grade we had some similar scenarios and I admit having a lump in my stomach last year. We were very lucky this year that his teacher let him meet his second grade teacher before school was out. She also took pictures of the two of them together and put it into a nice scrapbook for him. This is something that he has looked at all summer long. He is also going to have a man and he was really shocked that a teacher could be a man I am so grateful to his teacher for taking this extra step because it has made such a difference. This is the first time that he is really looking forward to things without being so nervous.....

Of course, our open house is on Thursday...so I've not come as far as you have. I hope that your little guy has a good day tomorrow. Let us know what happens...I'll be thinking of you both.

Kris

It just occurred to me, Robin, that you guys recently moved. This is so hard. We moved alot when I was young and I remember feeling so horrid starting school where I didn't have an friends. It really is hard...Maybe you all can throw a little back-to-school party for the class and invite his class over for movie and pizza? It might give you a chance to meet the parents and him a chance to get to know the other kids better?

This must be really hard for you too....you are on your own there and are really the sole support for the boys......I hope everything goes well tomorrow, Robin!!!!

Kris

Thanks Kris!!! Well.... they are at school and I haven't got any phone calls from the school yet. I am worried about Jacob. He just doesn't handle change well and he doesn't know one kid in the 5th grade. We had a family prayer before school started to help and at the end of the prayer, Jacob started crying and saying how scared he was. I went with him to the gym (where all the 3-5th graders meet their teachers and line up). He practiced my cell phone number and home number just to make sure he knew it so that he could call me if he was really struggling.

I am sure I have shared at some point Jacob's first grade experience. We had just moved to Arizona the night before school started and the next day the teacher told me to leave the room while her hands were on his shoulders. I left and Jacob dove after me pulling the teacher over his desk to the floor!!!! How is that for a first impression with your teacher?!!!! He struggled with 2nd grade too but not as much. Third grade and fourth grade I had to go with him to the classroom and introduce him and then he was okay but he had friends in those classes.

My other two were just fine. A little nervous but they went right to their teachers.

I will be so glad when I pick them up today and see how it went. I am going to be a nervous wreck not knowing.

I did go to breakfast with some other moms from my church after we dropped the kids off so I haven't been on my own this morning. That was nice. One mom was bawling!!! Her first grade daughter has a "grumpy" teacher. The mom volunteered to come in one day a week to help and the teacher told her that she doesn't allow parents in the classroom except for parties!!! This mom said that the teacher didn't smile once to the children while they were waiting for the bell to go to the classroom. I guess I should be grateful that my children's teachers made a good first impression, at least to me.

Only 5 more hours until they come home!!!

Thanks for the pizza party suggestion. I am not sure Jacob will go for it. I will have to ask him. He really would prefer to "blend in" and not cause any notice to himself. He really is his father's son but his father didn't ever move while growing up, which made a huge difference.

Okay ... I think I will start working now and get my mind off of school. I will let you know how it went!!!

Robin

[Meenah]

Robin,Best of luck today. I will be thinking about you and your children. Our school doesn't start back until Sept. 5th. Caroline is very excited, since this is the end for her. We are building a new high school, but of course it is delayed so they have split the seniors into am & pm sessions. Caroline will start at 7:15 am and be finished at 12:15. She is THRILLED.
Luanne

[houseelf]

Luanne,

How wonderful and bittersweet for you and your family that Caroline has reached this milestone. I have a two year old and I already fear the day that I will be an empty-nester!

Robin,

My stomach started to knot up as I read your posts. It is SOOOOO hard to watch our kids go out into the world and not want to protect them from everything, even themselves. I'm praying for you and your boys to get off to an awesome start. I have a soft spot in my heart for the sweet, unassuming shy types and the slightly wicked ones always looking for adventure. (Go Tyler, live life grandly!) I think that the pizza party is a good idea but if it sounds to overwhelming to Jacob, perhaps you could let him have a friend over from his class soon. Maybe he would do better in smaller groups.

Also, don't let your recent move let you feel guilty. You did what you had to do and perhaps all of these changes in his young early life will teach him to be a more adaptable adult. After all, the only thing constant in life is change and learning to embrace change is a wonderful legacy to give to your kids.

Robin, please let us know how it goes. I'm pulling for you guys!

Kelly


Edited by: kmbsjbcgb at: 8/19/02 1:04:24 pm

[mommax3]

So, Robin, how did he do? I was thinking about him today. I have my own fears about Luke's first day (on the 28th) at the new school. I can't believe that my child is in second grade and has gone to three schools so far. A mom whose son will also be in the second grade at that school called and set up a swim date with Luke and some other boys from the school at her house tomorrow afternoon. Luke is so excited! I hope it goes well. It will mean a lot to him to not walk in as a stranger the first day.

Let us know how it went.

Sally

Fill us in when you can, Robin! I can't wait to hear the wonderful news - hopefully, he had a wonderful day and met some new friends!

I hope everything went ok...I've thought of you all today. I really feel for your oldest. I also struggle with shyness and a bit of social akwardness (which you all will witness in December when I spend the entire time with my face beat red and my feet in my mouth ). It is so hard to make this kind of a transition. How did he do? Did you all do anything special tonight to celebrate the first day?

Please update us when you get the chance!

Kris

We survived the first day of school ! YEAH! Actually, it went really well. Jacob had a good day. I think it helped that his teacher didn't jump right into school work. They spent most of the day getting to know each other a little, setting up the room, going on a tour of the school being that it is brand new and, of course, discussing rules. Jacob came out of school with a grin on his face! WHAT A RELIEF! One of the boys in his class lives on our street. They are very different personalities but it is nice to see a familiar face. He went to school this morning without any problems. I dropped all the kids off at the front of the school and they went on their own, which is a nice change from previous years.

I didn't worry about Zachary too much for the first day because he is such an optimist. He likes everything. Tyler was hilarious. He came out of school all smiles until I asked him how his day went. He said it was terrible. The only thing he did was lay on a towel and listen to music for nap time! I knew the nap time thing would not thrill him. He was so funny about it though. He seemed a little surprised this morning when he realized that he had to go to school ... AGAIN today. He sure likes wearing a backpack and feeling all grown up!

We didn't go out last night and do anything special but I had made them all kinds of treats for when they got home from school. We sat around the table talking about the day while eating cookies, muffins and drinking milk. The kids had so much to talk about that we sat there for about an hour before they took off to do their own thing. I got to sit at a desk and fill out a million forms in triplicate!!!!

It was such a relief! Thanks to y'all for thinking about us. I was so exhausted last night after all the worrying. It is nice to have a fresh start today and not having that hanging over me.

I wish you all tons of good luck as you get ready for your kids to start. I think it will always be a stressful time.

Robin

[DCJenn]

Robin-

I was thinking about you as I sent my two off to a new school! (and of course the bus didn't show up and the van's battery died so we had to scramble and get one of the staff to take them in his car.)

How did it go? My guys had a fabulous day. They did very well with fitting in with the other mainstreamed kids.

Let us know!

Jenn

Jenn - The battery dying is exactly something that would happen to me!!! My kids are supposed to walk to school because we live within 2 miles of the school but they would have to walk along a busy street with no sidewalks ... UGH! So everyone in our subdivision with kids are signing a petition trying to get a bus to us. In the meantime, I get to drive everyday to drop them off and pick them up. The dropping off isn't bad but the picking up is a royal pain. Too many cars that I have to park on the main road and then wait for 20 minutes for the kids to come out.

Well ... it is day three of school here and it is Tyler that has decided that school is not for him. He announced this morning that he was done. Two days of kindergarten was plenty and he doesn't need any more school. Jacob told him he will be going to school for a long time, through college so that he could get a good job. Tyler has decided he wants to be a garbage man because they don't have to go to college!

Robin

[DCJenn]

Well- Tell Tyler that I am finding that the whole working thing is really overrated altogether. Tell him I'll go to kindergarten for him and he can carry my pager for me!

Sounds like a great idea.

Anyway-We moved the house to an older neighborhood so there really aren't that many kids to pick up. We'll see if we get bus service by the end of the week. The school is starting to panic about their disability- we had the first frantic page today. It's going to be as much of a learning experience for the school as it will be for the guys!

Glad everything turned out OK.

And added stress for you Jenn with having to deal with the school being stressed about the boys' disabilities. Do you have to take them every day now?

I just have to share another Tyler experience today that has had me chuckling all evening. Tyler came home from school today and proceeded to unload all of his school supplies, the towel that he is supposed to have at school to lay on during nap time and a change of clothes. I asked him why he brought all of his stuff home and with a very straight face and with all sincerity he announced that he was quitting school. He had had enough and now that he had all of his stuff, he didn't need to go back!! I can tell tomorrow is going to be a fun morning!!!

Robin

[DCJenn]

Robin-

That is hilarious- poor guy! but you know, school isn't for everyone! maybe he's going to be one of those people that just cant' wait for it to end.

As for my guys- we're still driving them everyday. Luckily their parents are very supportive of us and everything that we do for thier children. They have Prader-Willi syndrome which among other things causes them to have uncontrollable eating. They live with us because we can much better control food than 'normal' families with other children at home. I have 6 people with P-W in this house. The youngest is 15 and the oldest is in his 20's. We have them on 1000 to 1500 calorie a day diets (their metabolism is alos much slower than the average person) and we have extremely strict portion control.

The poor school- they are just beside themselves. They didn't understand that not only could my guys not have the afternoon snack, they couldn't even be around the afternoon snack. (food stealing is another problem) But we're working with them to learn about P-W and the guys individual issues.

This is why I love my job- I love figuring out how to get people what they need in as normal a way as possible!

Jenn