My kid turns into a terror when we have company!

Jacob can be really, really sweet. He's very kind and empathetic. Most days he BEGS me to call for friends to visit. On the occasions when we do have kids over, he turns into a little brat. He's been known to hit, spit, call names, take toys (not sharing his & taking ones that belong to others) .... you name it, he does it. While visiting other homes, he is usually v. well behaved (especially if I'm not there).

Is this a phase? If so, can it be beat out of him (I'm only 1/2 joking). This child has known nothing but generosity in his life, and his refusal to share, or simply be KIND to the people he begs to see is beyond irritating to me.

[mommax3]

Yes, it is a phase, but that doesn't mean you should just let it happen (although something tells me that would not be your M.O. ) Kids do have to be taught how to play nicely with others......I used to discuss ahead of time with my boys the situations that would take place when a friend came over, and we would even practice sharing (with me being the friend) and other scenarios that had been problematic in the past. The other thing that is going on is that he is testing limits and wondering how you will respond to him when there is another person in the mix. I would respond in exactly the same way to misbehavior when a friend is there as I did to misbehavior when it was just us, and if things escalate to the point where the friend has to go home, so be it. I bet it will only happen once.

I was told once by a pediatrician that when a child misbehaves with you, but is very good with others, that it is a sign of security......they trust you enough to show their ugly side. So although the behavior is negative, what it signifies is actually a positive. I found it comforting at the time, and thought I would pass it along!

I think if you discuss what needs to happen with Jacob, have a few "rehearsals", and then follow through if need be with consequences, he will start behaving a little better, although don't be surprised if the improvements will be incremental rather than all at once.

ETA: Make sure the time with friends is pretty structured and that both you and Jacob have a plan. Free play with a friend can be so exciting that it is almost overwhelming to little guys with certain personality types.

Sally

Thanks Sally. That does help.

For yesterday's fiasco I actually did have a "chat" with him before hand, and you'd better believe he got called on his behavior. He had to sit in time out, with increasing duration for repeated offenses - finally ending up in his room.

We'll work on it. It's just nice to vent.

[SueC]

Yeah, I think you are responding to it in exactly the right way. He'll grow out of this phase and turn back into the little gentleman that you know him to be. I forget to do it most off the time, but I do find with Syd if I talk with her about it beforehand and give her some strict warnings about what I expect and what will happen to her if she doesn't behave, it does help. (Look at me giving you advice...Syd can be just as much if not more of a shit! )