Summer birthdays and school

[houseelf]

I'm conducting an informal survery regarding summer birthdays and school readiness. DD has a very late August birthday. (Yup, she's gonna be 2 already! ) I know this conversation is very premature, but I'm gathering information about summer birthdays and school readiness so that I have a long time to think about our options and (hopefully) make the right decisions. Without a doubt, if it had been my son with a summer birthday, I would have held him in preschool another year. Still, DD has passed every milestone before DS did and has a more laid back and independent demeanor. If I *had* to make a decision at this very early stage, I'd probably send her.

IRL, I've never met anyone who has regretted holding a child for another year, but I have met a handful of individuals who regretted sending their child as soon as they were eligible. In some cases, this has created real problems including decisions to hold children back a year. My observations lead me to believe that this issue seems to be more pronounced for boys than girls. Our adult August born neighbor HATED being the youngest, smallest boy in high school with the last to get his driver's license, but his August born wife loved being the youngest. Go figure.

Thoughts? Options? Experiences?

Kelly

ETA: cosmetic changes

[mommax3]

I agree with you regarding the boy/girl difference here. We wish that we would have held our middle son (May 29 bday) back, and we would have, had we known we would end up in Indiana, where the cut-off is July 1st. (It was later in TX.)

I think your daughter's development and her experiences in preschool during the next couple of years will help you decide. One thing to face is that basically, you have one year less to raise them when they are on the young side. I skipped a grade, and was always the youngest in my class (although I have a November bday, so it could have been worse). I think I would have been more confident if I had been given that extra year to mature, but that may have had more to do with the way I was raised than with being young. Still, I have no real complaints!

I know that you will figure it out and do what is best for your daughter. I can't believe she is almost two!

Sally

I've also heard of more boy families who have chosen to keep them out one more year than girl families. However, in our house I think there would have to be a big, obvious reason to keep them out another year. Especially b/c ours in only a 1/2 day kindergarten. If you're going into full days, that adds another level of complication.

[SuzySunshine]

I don't have kids but I can speak to my personal expereince, I am an August birthday and was therefore one of the youngest in my class all through school. As a girl it didn't bother me at all, in fact I was glad to be younger than older. Girls mature faster than boys so IMO it is easier for a girl to adapt.

Good luck.

I thought this was a question about birthday parties!

I agree on the boy/girl difference.

DD1s birthday is July 10 -- not as late as for you. When she was 4, I left pre-k as an open-ended option. That she would either go to kindergarten or do pre-k again. Really, it did not come up a whole lot with her. I think it could be more of an issue with a second sibling if they want to be where the older sibling is.

I talked to a friend who is a first grade teacher and my aunt who taught first and second grade for years. This is what they helped me come up with.

I let her pre-k teacher know that I was flexible about continuing to kindergarten or doing pre-k for another year and was interested in her recommendation. Sometimes she was faced with firm expectations either way from parents (continue, hold back). I wanted her to feel like she could be honest about it either way. I also let her know that we had full day or half day K-garten as an option as well. I think we talked about it in November, definitely with enough time before the school registration started, and again in March. If we had done another year of pre-k, I don't think it would have bothered her because 2 kids (one boy, one girl) in her class stayed on for another year.

The teacher felt like she was ready socially, which was as big an issue as academic readiness, IMO. There is a difference academically with *some* the kids who are 6-9 months older than her but it isn't huge and not a problem. I have a feeling it will even out in first grade, especially because she has become a book fiend over the summer.

[Vanquisher]

On the opposite end of the spectrum...

My son is a January birthday, which is right in the middle, so I didn't have a choice really. But, I would have loved to put him a grade ahead of where he is. He has always been very mature for his age. He is tall and very "adult." He is constantly bored in school. Although he is in the gifted and talented program, most of the time he is just bored silly.

They don't really allow grade skipping here or I would think about it.

[Stella]

IMO, send her on!

I have a late November birthday, so I started Kindergarten at 4 y/o and I am glad that I did. I started middle school at 10 and high school at 13 and college at 17. I couldn't legally drink until my last semester of college!

All of those little things aside, my parents decided to start me early (before there were a lot of these deadlines) because I was advanced for my age, reading and such before Kindergarten would have started. SO on the other hand is an August birthday and he was held back and did two years of Kindergarten, so he started middle school at 12, high school at 15, and college at 19. He's glad he went that route. (And believe me so am I. He's immature enough still and he's about to turn 24. )

If you DD is showing signs of being advanced and gifted, I would start her early because boredom is not something you want your kids to face in later years. Just keep them involved in other gifted programs like Odessey of the Mind (I did this in elementary school...does it still exist?) or Future Problem Solvers so that they stay interested and motivated.

Kelly, btw, this is my "after" version of events, not the before or during. I fretted about it a little bit.

A friend's daughters birthday is around Labor Day and she is starting kindergarten this year (she will be 6 a few days before she starts). They felt like another year of pre-k would be good for her socially.

[SueC]

I have grappled with this for several years over Sydney. Her birthday is August 28, so she squeaks in by only 3 days. If Maya hadn't gone through kindergarten last year and I hadn't gotten a feel for what was required of her, I don't think I would be as confident about sending her. But after looking at the work Maya was doing during the beginning part of the year and spending a lot of time in the classroom, I decided Syd was ready. She isn't the most mature kindergartner on the planet, and definitely not as mature as Maya was going in last year, but I think she'll be okay. She is dieing to go, so that also helped me make my decision. I have heard that girls fare better than boys do, but I think it really just depends on the kid. Another factor I considered is that Sydney can tend to be a dominant child, and if she were given another year, she could potentially rule the clasroom. I think starting her now will kind of put her in her place if you know what I mean. Also, if she became bored, I know she would have acted out--she would never have been able to contain herself so I'd rather she be a little challenged.
I think it's good you are already thinking about it, but in a few years I think you will reach more clarity on whether or not she is ready. A few years ago I would have said there is no way in hell I would be sending Sydney since she can be a bit of a spaz but she has changed quite a bit over the last year and did really well in preschool (according to her teachers she is as good as gold for them).

[Michele]

I was (and still am..my vet students were older than me!) a youngin (July B'day). Russ was an oldie (Sept B'day) and our best bud (Justin) was a youngin (late August B'day)...cut off was Sept 1st where we all were.

We all ended up fine. We were all "gifted" so we were weird-os anyway, and all of our parents were given the "skipping" option...we all had our issues, but nothing more than normal growing up stuff.

I think if *you* think she's ready, she's probably ready. And I don't think she'll end up in therapy either way.

[houseelf]

And I don't think she'll end up in therapy either way.

Oh, Michelle, the first year of therapy for our kids is on the house because they had to endure us raising them!

RE: the "gifted" thing. I gotta be honest. Both my kids are joyful, sweet, relatively smart kids who enjoy two parents who love the crap out of them. But neither of them appear to be gifted at this time, except for in the idiot-savant sort of way:

"OMG, he just read that entire passage at 6 years old! OMG she's under two and sings the entire alphabet song!" These exclamations are tempered by "Holy crap, my 6 y.o. just decided it was a good idea to play in the sewer grate! OMG, my darling little genius just sucked on the outlet cord which was plugged in!"

I think that they're fabulous, relatively smart kids with ample gifts, but I'm also realistic.

To be honest, I think that DD will probably be ready because so far she appears on track in all areas. However, I wonder if that extra year of waiting would give her extra confidence (and perhaps even less vulnerability) in high school.

On one hand, this decision could go either way and be successful. On the other hand, it could potentially have long lasting ramifications which can't be forseen at the juncture which we will be forced to make the decision.

Kelly

[ellie]

Momof 4 said: I know several that are holding back both girls and boys who have April-August birthdays. With those children factored in your daughter will be an entire year or more younger than some of the children.

This is so true. More and more parents are holding back children with spring birthdays, to give them that "extra edge." When I've been asked this question by friends and other parents, I hesitate to give a definite answer because it really does depend on the individual child. And a lot can change in just a few months, which is why my school would always do kindergarten screenings in the late summer. Children would mature and change so much just from June-August.

Another thing to consider is that kindergarten has become a lot more academic, and IMHO, a lot more like first grade.

But the bottom line is that you are the one that knows your daughter the best and will make the right decision when the time comes.