new baby and 1st yr of med school!!

[Sheherezade]

You certainly have a lot of change coming in the near future. My best advice? Relax. You will be fine. It will be a busy year, so take it one day at a time. Try to do things on your own. Get involved in a new mom's group after the baby is born - or take prenatal exercise classes. Join a reading group. Volunteer before the baby comes. If you are busy with things you enjoy, the limited time you have with your husband will be peaceful - not bitter because you're angry at being alone often and bored.

After the baby comes, you will be so busy being a new mom that it may be a blessing. I had my kids during my DH's demanding residency and I think it was a good time. He was busy, but so was I. We were exhausted all the time, but time passed quickly.

Check often if you need advice or an adult conversation. It's a great resource - kind of an online coffee shop where you can always find a friend.

[Meenah]

I agree, relax. Where are you moving to? Maybe close to one of us!!!!

[spotty_dog]

I feel your pain. Our baby is due at the end of October, we just started intern year and racked up huge moving expenses to move across the country (still thousands of miles from my folks).

I guess one thing I like to remember is that even when the going gets tough -- this is life. It's not "just training", it's not something to get through with your eyes closed until real life starts, this IS real life. I'm going to keep trying to make the most of every minute!

[ellie]

I second Angie's advice. Try to do your own thing. It is hard being in a new place, away from family and friends, so building a new support system for yourself will save your sanity. The city where DH did his residency had a great moms/babies program, where they grouped together new moms and babies not only by age, but by neighborhood. It was one of my biggest supports when DH was gone a lot and my family was far away. Perhaps check with your OB or hospital? Also if there is a spouses group through your husband's med school, it's always nice to get together with other people who understand the demands of it all.

And of course, this site is always a great resource!!

Along the lines of what Alison said, if it weren't for medical school and a baby, it would be something else to figure out. Not that I mean to say you can't vent or feel very frustrated or complain about it along the way. That is a lot to have coming at you at once.

A year from now, you might feel a little weary but you might also be impressed with what you have done over the last year. I think having 4-5 months to adjust to a new location pre-baby should help, too. Maybe you can scope out mom/baby classes at the hospital you will deliver at or community centers, the Y, JCC, etc. Since you have a few months before the baby arrives, is there some part time work you would be interested in? As a way to keep busy, meet people, and relieve some financial strain?

[Stella]

No more eating three times a week!

I hope you meant eating OUT three times a week and not just eating. Ann Arbor is a really fun place with lots to do so I think you will find lots to interest you! Good luck!

[lilponygirl]

I would suggest not looking too far down the medical training path. When I first found this site I made the mistake of reading all of the horrors from 1st and 2nd year resident's SO and all of those who were FINALLY finished. It scared the hell out of me! Instead of making me feel better I felt 10 times worse. Don't get me wrong, everyone here has been more than encouraging and I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't found this site.

As Angie said, take it one day at a time and one year at a time. It also helps me to seek out posts from SO's in the same area of training as we are; at least until you get an idea of what its going to be like.

Welcome, by the way

[Stella]

*covering my ears* "La la la LA LA LA la la la!"

SO's parents made it through med school and yet his mom didn't have any advice for me. I asked her how she did it and she said, "I cried - a lot."

This was my mom's suggestion for getting through residency: Have dinner ready and the house clean when he gets home! their best friends got divroced over this. I guess when a man works 100+ hours a week he doesn't want to come home to a messy house and no food!

If that's the recipe for success I'm in huge trouble

That is what I thought.

This was my mom's suggestion for getting through residency: Have dinner ready and the house clean when he gets home! their best friends got divroced over this. I guess when a man works 100+ hours a week he doesn't want to come home to a messy house and no food!

if they got divorced over that ... well then ... :^ perhaps it was for the best. In the 50's maybe ...

my advice for getting through residency: be sure to know YOURSELF, have YOUR OWN LIFE, have YOUR OWN INTERESTS. Don't plan on them being there and / or awake when they are there -- and then be pleasantly surprised when they are. Sorry -- but they're generally too tired to care if the house is clean, and unless you want to wait to eat until 7, 8, 9, 10 PM (or later) ...

[mommax3]

I just always figured my husband knew how to open the refrigerator and operate the microwave.

Seriously, if serving him a hot meal in a clean house had been my goal during residency, I would have stored up so much resentment towards him after just one year that we would have gotten divorced. Or I would have killed him.

The worst part of residency for me was that I *never* knew when he was coming home......and he didn't come home at all 2 or 3 nights a week because of call. Truthfully, when he did come home, he was so tired that all he really wanted was a bowl of cereal before he crashed, and he had NO IDEA how the house looked.

Now admittedly, I am old and bitter, and DH did his residency before the 80 hour rule, so I am sure things are better now.

My priorities during residency (along with the other things that have been mentioned) were to keep the lines of communication open with my spouse, and to make sure that my kid(s) got to see him every day as much as possible, even if it meant loading the diaper bag with kid food, buying Subway sandwiches, and taking my preschooler and baby to the hospital for a dinner with Dad that might last only 5 minutes.

The house was clean *enough*, and anyway, that was two houses ago, so who can remember? The meals, even if they had been cooked, would be forgotten by now. The relationships between DH and I, and between my boys and their Dad, are strong and healthy, due in large part to the fact that we/I (and honestly, there for a while, it was all *me* because DH was just overwhelmed) have made those relationships the priority over the years.

Sally

[lilponygirl]

My father is a physician and I have already heard horror stories from my mother. I've heard several times about how my father and her were the only ones in their group of friends still married by the end of residency. How depressing is that!

Yikes!!! Hopefully that was an isolated event...like some of the others said, that was before the 80 work week rule. I can't remember what it was like before DH's clinical rotations (which is sad since it was only just over a year ago ) but the way it is now, DH is on-call every 4 days, so that's one full day of not seeing him (or sleeping with him) and then 1 day of him being exhausted. But that leaves 2 perfectly good days where he's home before I am. This is during his Sub-Internship too, so I'm plesantly surprised. Of course, this is 4th year and he doesn't have any more exams to study for, so when he's home he doesn't have a book in his face.

Sorry, I started rambling. Anyway, I think my point was, each person's situation is going to be different...what type of specialty they're going into, where they go, how much/little they have to study for exams, and of course, the individuals themselves. Which is another point to make regarding the cleaning/cooking aspect. What DH and I agreed on was, since his "job" was going to school and working his tail off, that I pull a little extra weight around the house. :clothes: He'd still help out when he could, but instead of housework being 50/50 its more like 80/20. You're going to have a harder time with that, though with the baby coming and all. But you'll be okay. Just keep your chin up! Not immaculate by any means, but just picked up after.