Is this taking it too far?

Since our rocky start to kindergarten, I've been getting a daily, one word report from Jacob's teacher as I pick him up. Usually I hear "Awesome" or "Good", but today I got another 1/2 wave "Okay" and she said she'd "give a call". As we were walking by she said "If you want to talk here for a second, we can." So I stopped, and she said that for the most part he had a great day, but at one point when she asked him to sit down he said "No." She called him on it, reminded him to listen and he did, and that was it. Our conversation ended w/her just asking me to reinforce the need to listen to the teacher, and her again saying that "Otherwise, he had a great day."

Am I crazy or doesn't it seem like a bit of overkill to make a call home b/c a 5 year old told her "No." once in 3.5 hours? He didn't say anything like "No - you're stupid." He just said 'no'. She doesn't have kids so maybe she doesn't realize how one's heart rises and falls at the praise or complaint about your child. I don't let him get away w/telling me no, either ... but c'mon!

Ellie -- what do you think? I'm I being too blase' about this?

[PrincessFiona]

Hate to be the board cynic here, but since I apparently already am, let me just say: Hang on for the ride...Yes, it's an overreaction and....there will likely be many more to come. I took it all very seriously with child #1 and really let it undermine my confidence as a mother and in my children. Eventually, I got over it...and there are teachers here now who dread to see me walking through the door because I'm honest and I expect the same in return. (And I've outgrown the need to please the teachers/school...be that good or bad)

I'm not going to hijack, but I'm happy to PM you if you would like more details :>. All I will say is....Don't let the teacher make you feel like less of a parent or try and talk you into the idea that there is something wrong with Jacob.

Kindergarten is a huge adjustment. Maybe this teacher isn't a good fit for him.

kris

[rainbabies]

All I will say is....Don't let the teacher make you feel like less of a parent or try and talk you into the idea that there is something wrong with Jacob.

bingo, well said!

I knew I could count on a "yeah, they suck" from Kris.

I'm not ready to toss in the towel yet (but will PM you for encouragement on standing my ground should I get to that point). On the whole I really like this teacher. She's young, energetic, and sweet - but runs a tight ship. I'll admit that Jacob could benefit from a bit of 'ship tightening' ... I just thought it was an overreaction. And honestly it dings MY pride a bit when MY kid is the one acting up.

She did stress several times that 'overall it was a great day'. I wonder if the 'no' incident happened shortly before the end of the day.

[PrincessFiona]

I knew I could count on a "yeah, they suck" from Kris.

I can't decide if I'm supposed to feel good or bad about that :>

kris

[KCwife]

I think it was an over-reaction....but, I am one of those parents that would want the phone call if that happened. (I like to nip behavioral issues in the bud).

Maybe you can have her give you a weekly report of some kind. A yeah or nay on the week as a whole, as long as there is nothing serious. Don't let it stress you out, kindergarten is an adjustment for the kids, the new teachers, and the Moms!

[ellie]

Re: Is this taking it too far?

Am I crazy or doesn't it seem like a bit of overkill to make a call home b/c a 5 year old told her "No." once in 3.5 hours?

NO, Jenn, you're not crazy, and yes, it is overkill. I'll post more later...at the moment I'm trying to calm down a very fussy, cranky baby, who doesn't like it when I'm sitting down in front of the computer.

[mommax3]

I wonder if the 'no' incident happened shortly before the end of the day.

I bet it did. Take it all with a grain of salt, and remember that teachers are just people and are bound to vent a little if they have the need and are given the opportunity.

You know your kid(s) better than anyone else. Don't give an off-the-cuff comment more weight than it deserves.

Sally

[ellie]

I'm finally getting a chance to sit down and post...big sigh of relief...

IMO, a kindergartner saying "no" is pretty typical and not a big deal at all. Jacob's teacher is really going to have to get used to 5 year olds telling her "no." :> Jenn, didn't you mention that this is her first year teaching? She probably needs some time to settle in and relax. Boy, I remember how nervous I was as a first year teacher, wanting to make a good impression on everyone, afraid that any and all behavior was a direct reflection of my teaching abilities. (It took a little guy who insisted on only being called "Superman" and constantly 'flew' through the classroom for me to really realize that every child marches to a different drummer -- and I had to be Wonder Woman with my magic rope to help him sit down. )

She doesn't have kids so maybe she doesn't realize how one's heart rises and falls at the praise or complaint about your child.

I think it should be a requirement that teachers have their own children before teaching. I was a different teacher before children ... I really didn't understand the struggles, the heartache, the pride, the love involved...it wasn't until I had my own children that I really 'got it' and it changed the way in which I interacted with kids and parents. Jacob's teacher probably won't get it either until she has children of her own.

Maybe she needs a copy of my quote: "Teaching kindergarten is like having a bathtub full of corks and keeping them underwater all at once." Kindergarten will never be perfect, never quiet, a lot chaotic, and a whole lot of joy and fun....at least, it should be...

Jenn, you're a great mom...and as Sally said, YOU know Jacob best.

Thanks. The reassurance from the teachers on the board was mighty nice to hear.

I did mention once that I thought it was her first year, but I was mistaken. It's at least her 3rd (but she is v. young). I've talked to other parents who have had her in the past and have loved her. The first thing they told me was "She runs a tight ship." Which I really don't mind - Jacob needs a tight ship. He's all about pressing the limits. Plus, she LOOKS even younger than she is, so probably feels like she really needs to let the kids know she's in charge.

[Meenah]

I'm 100% with Kris on this topic. As parents we know our children (usually) and sometimes you have to follow your gut feeling.

I hate to sound cynical, but get used to it.....we got a phone call once a week about our oldest son for the first 2 years and he had detentions every other day! They have a "hands off" policy at our school and so every time he would play he'd end up in trouble...I was convinced that he would be in juvie by the time he was 9 until I went into the detention room and found 9 boys from his class there (only 16 in the class) He's in grade 5 now, top of his class,gets perfect grades and is apparently a pleasure to teach, but still gets detentions weekly.....go figure!!!
I hate to gripe but don't know where to start so I won't

[SueC]

I wonder if she has somehow gotten the impression that you actually want daily feedback? Maybe you should try just picking him up and not approaching her unless she seems like she has something to tell you. I do think making a big deal out of him telling her no one time is a bit much.

[PrincessFiona]

I think I have an unhealthy love/hate relationship with the schools. I certainly understand that the teachers are people too with their weaknesses, stresses and issues, but I sometimes feel that that is not reciprocated.

I will say that we had fabulous, wonderful, terrific, fantastic teachers last year that really made all of the difference in the world for us...sadly a bad teacher can really do a number on my confidence, etc.

We heard all kinds of things about our oldest too and I hung on every word that the teacher had to say that year....I examined my son then and his every flaw, examined dh and I and our ever flaw, believed we were horrible parents, that our son was damaged goods.....and then we finally (5th grade for him) landed a wonderful, wonderful teacher last year who basically said "this is one neat, special kid " and cultivated his talents/helped him work through his weaknesses.

I ran around for a couple of years though questioning if he had ADHD, Aspergers, you name it.....His teacher last year just pretty much rolled her eyes at it all...and he did well and was very successful. She pointed out that some kids aren't good at sports and that was OK.

it's hard to remember that teachers a just people too (kind of happens w/doctors, too ). He was back to 'great day' today. The daily feedback started with the rough start at school. I told (bribed) Jacob that if he was coopertive and I got a good report, then he would get a treat when he came home from school.

Not entirely PC, I know, but I was worried that his rough start could / would color his opinions on school. I have SUCH negative feelings towards school (from 5th grade on basically) that I feel like I really need to be proactive w/my kids. I know that they're both smart little guys, and I know they can / will do very well. I know that I lost some of that opportunity (or refused to take it), and I don't want them to go down that path (stubborn is a family trait as well). Yes - I know it's kindergarten - but long memory is another family trait that could be considered more of a curse.