two year old tantrums

[planet]

What do you do? At first I laughed. But , a half hour of kicking the floor and screaming!!?? My older never did this (so I have no idea what to try). Do you punish for the tantrum? He'll stop if he gets his way. That just encourages it though, right. Wow.

[KCwife]

My oldest never did it either, my youngest did. Before her I used to look at Moms in the grocery store that had a fit thower and think "Well isn't she an awful Mother!" Then, DD#2 changed that.

If I was in public, I would remove her from the situation as to not disturb other people, especially in restaurants. Because "you are not allowed to disturb others"...and I would tell her just that.

At home, or in private, I would ignore her...completely. My favorite line was "I cannot hear you when you whine". If she whined when she asked for something, I couldn't hear her. This forced her to use her language to negotiate the situation.

So, not allowed to disturb other with your behavior and you must use your language to tell me what you want or need. She stopped fairly quickly... and she is very easy now.

I must say though, it sucks to be in the situation, as the parent. If you need to walk away, as to not throw your own fit...then do it. Practice what you preach.

Our kids don't throw fits....it is simply not allowed. Granted my kids are older.

It is frustrating, especially when it goes on for so long. My first did it more than my second. My advice is to just ignore it, even if you are ignoring it for half an hour. You could also tell him he needs to be in his room or on his bed when he does that and keep putting him there, but that might give it more attention than it deserves.

Ugh. We've had a bit of that lately too.

eta: I do the same for tantrums in public -- we leave. And if you can determine triggers -- being hungry, tired, a certain situation, sometimes that helps to work around it.

[DCJenn]

It depends on why he's throwing the fit-

We've discovered that a lot of the time temper tantrums=hunger and if we can give him a snack his mood improves 100%. This is especially true for those tantrums that happen in the late afternoon. Of course, he's so skinny that snacking is not an issue.

Other than that, if we're in public- we leave. Period. If we're guests at someone's home, we usually leave. If it's a friend with a child we may stick it out but it's so unpleasant for everyone that I tend to leave anyway.

Recently, the tantrums have involved throwing toys. So, the toys go away and he goes to his room with the instruction to pull himself together and in ___ minutes we'll talk. I set the timer (usually no more than five minutes which must seem like a lifetime when you're two) and then go to him in his room. I usually sit him on my lap and have him look me in the eye and we 'discuss' the infraction in very simple language. ("We don't throw toys") and then we'll go together and get the toys back out of toy jail. He knows I'm serious because when he starts, all I usually have to say is "does mommy need to put your toys away?" and the answer is usually, "No Momma, MY train..."

It's maddening and sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes it's infuriating. I just try to remember that it's hard when you're two and you know what you want and you just can't get it or say it or do it.

Jenn

[rainbabies]

oh, janet...i can so sympathize with you. ds is THE worst tantrum thrower. he has been in his terrible two's since he was 11 months. we put him in his room and let him scream kick and carry on as he wishes. the only thing he is NOT allowed to do is throw his toys. he lost them for a few days for doing that. to keep him in his room you can try to put one of those door handle covers on....hopefully he wont figure out how to take them off...like my ds. now i just stand at the door and hold it closed.

when he would do it in public (we havent had that happen in a long time thankfully) we would just leave. yes, it sucks...but that is what we did. if dh is with me...he will take ds to the car and put him in his carseat. if he settles down in enough time they will re-join the family....if not, he stays inthe car until im done in the store or where ever. good luck!

[Vanquisher]

Nothing to add. I completely agree.

[planet]

Thanks for the suggestions. Absolutely we leave a public place! It sucks for ds1 though (and me). This is a whole new level of torture. So, I checked your responses and stuck ds2 in his room. He came running out and hit me! Then he started begging me to hold him, like he did feel badly. I just can't believe he hit me!
:thud:

I put him back in his room and closed the door. I also put a movie on for ds1 so he would stop complaining that ds2 was hurting his ears with his screaming. Ds2 continued to scream for about 15 minutes. Then it stopped. I went in and he was asleep, face down on his bed, legs hanging off.

He really gets going over nothing. I called the ped and asked if there could be something wrong.

I really hope we can get past this. I feel like a bad mom today.

[KCwife]

Don't feel like a bad Mom! You care, you are trying to correct the behavior. He will catch on, just stick to your guns!

You're not a bad mom! A good mom with a frustrated 2 yo.

what everyone else said.

i say the same thing Amber did: "Mommy can't understand you when you whine. If you can talk like a big boy, maybe I can help you."

you're not a bad mom. this is what they do.

[SueC]

We are in the throes of this. The other day Mitchell threw a tantrum that lasted at least 45 minutes because he wanted to help me change the baby's diaper. I walk away. Sometimes I tell him to go to his room until he is done crying. Don't get in the business of trying to get the tantrum to stop or they will learn to play you. It really sucks when you are in public, I've actually had strangers come up and try to plea my children's case because apparently they don't think I am being sympathetic enough to my kid's needs.

[KCwife]

I've actually had strangers come up and try to plea my children's case because apparently they don't think I am being sympathetic enough to my kid's needs.

NO WAY!

[Stella]

My little brothers used to get into tantrum mode every time we played family games (from Putt Putt to Monopoly) until they were about 13 years old. My dad would just send them to their rooms, not for time out but for collecting themselves. Then they could come back whenever they wanted and there were no hard feelings.

[SueC]

I've actually had strangers come up and try to plea my children's case because apparently they don't think I am being sympathetic enough to my kid's needs.

NO WAY!

I kid you not! A couple of times a well-meaning onlooker has felt the need to come up and explain to me why the kid is so upset as if I didn't already know.

[DCJenn]

we had a doozie tonight- and after two PB&Js, two bowls of apple sauce, a glass of milk and TWO bowls of ice cream, plus a bath and meds...the little angel just fell to sleep.

Jenn